Advertisements
I was just thinking about my two daughters this morning while reading that other thread about comments from a family member.
We were at a christmas eve party at SIL's house and another SIL started making comments about my older daughter. She meant them as a compliment, she really did, but it was extremely offensive to me. She said "she is really pretty.... very pretty." (she was talking about Athena who was sitting on the couch next to her.) she went on "her features are really refined. You know how some black people have a wider nose and less refined looking features and stuff."
Now if she could have left it at "she's really pretty" that would have been sufficient, but she just couldn't keep her mouth shut.
Especially since Selena, who has a more african look, came running over during the end of the comments. I don't know what they heard or understood.
Now this aunt is not worth talking to about it. Honestly she has an alcohol problem and the way she treats and takes care of her own 3 children is so horrible that I don't think taking her to task on a comment is going to do much good. We only see her a few times per year.
But I was wondering if this is going to be a recurring theme and if I need to find a way to address it when it comes up again. In fact I think it may have come up with aa friends in florida too.
I'd rather plan a good way to respond in front of the children now than be caught off guard.
What ideas do you have?
Like
Share
Advertisements
That's about as racist and offensive as I have heard on here. There is no way I would have been able to keep my mouth shut.
I would send her a letter stating why you think it was completely ignorant. Basically, saying a child is prettier because of having "less African features"...there are too many words in my mind, and none of them kind right now.
I say write the letter, but only if you think it would make YOU feel better. At the very least she would be put on warning to keep her yap shut in your presence about anything race related.
Perhaps you could say "I know all my children are beautiful!" if you want to be affirming for your kids in the moment. I know I have made comments to say I love my daughters AA features (for my DD, her hair) when others have said how beautiful my DS's biracial features are. I haven't heard anyone come out and say it so bluntly as your aunt. Her remark might require a "that's racist"; pick up your daughter and walk away response
That was a horrible remark..and if the person cannot change, then in all reality, no contact with the children should be the thought. I do not tolerate any good hair or light skinned comments, this one looks pretty due to .... from anyone..family etc; Second there are no specific "African features" or biracial features etc; Africans are the most diverse people on the planet. All types of features, to include those features thought to be due to the mixtures of European folks. In other words, their features, eye color, nose/lip shapes, hair textures, etc; are original to the continent, and are not based on European mixtures.
Advertisements
I would simply say, "Do not compare my children's looks--they are both beautiful."
Your aunt's comment was racist but even if she hadn't brought up race, i.e. "She's darker" (thus "uglier" in some people's eyes) or "She's prettier because she looks less black," etc., it is destructive to any child's self-esteem to have another sibling's beauty praised over his or her's. This happens in non-transracial families too.