Wrote Amom A Letter

There is still time. Mail is so slow around the holiday season. I really hope you hear from her.

Some times looking at it from the others point of view is a great help. I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you, or appear he's taking up for her. I always try to look at things from my bmom's point of view. It helps me understand how she reacts to things, or why she's sensitive about things etc... I did it even before contact hoping to prepare my self for rejection etc...

(((shebreathes))). I hope emom responds to you soon. I am in the very early stages of trying to reunite with the son that I placed for adoption 20 years ago. He takes soooo long to write me back and I know that feeling of checking the mailbox obsessively only to find nothing there. It sucks bad. I am so sorry that you are going through a similar situation too.

I see no reason why she should view you with suspicion, unless she has paranoid tendencies or is extremely insecure! Why should she wonder what you are "up to?" It's clear your intentions. You were attempting to re-establish communication and uphold your end of the agreement. I suppose a better way to see it from her side is that writing these letters is very hard, and after a long absence, she may need more time to digest yours and come up with a response. 3 weeks ago was right after the holidays, she may have had her plate full and now that things are more settled down, I surely hope you will hear from her. Given her history, though, you may not, in which case I would continue to send updates from time to time and still uphold MY end of things. Keep copies of everything. If your son should ever contact you, he will know you tried to keep the lines of communication open. I think your husband should be more sensitive to your feelings, too. It is extremely difficult to have an OA or semi OA shut down. I remember reading an article that talked about how a first mother's grief is intensified further when this happens, moreso than if the adoption had remained closed from the get-go. Your husband doesn't "get it" and to be honest, I don't know too many who do. My ex was frankly clueless to the point where I learned not to even expect his support with regard to my son or my adoption experience. Is there a counselor you could speak with? Or an adoption support group near you?

I am so very sorry you are going through this. I don't know what it must feel like, because I am an amom but I am always do sad and disappointed to hear about aparents going back on their word, feeling threatened by the people who gave their children life and basically acting insecure. I hope you are able to find the support and understanding you need. In not so long a time you will have to rethink all of this as you will be free to initiate contact with your son without going through the other mom. Mostly, your situation reaffirms my belief that open adoption needs to be legally binding so that this kind of thing does not happen.

This is more the response of the husband reaction I know how you feel. Its hard to talk to my boyfriend about the open adoption with him ive been angry towards him to. But they never have gone threw with this so its easier for them cause in my guys eye he has to be the strong one for me just know hes loves you

thank you everyone for their response....it truly means everything to me

I am sorry. Hopefully she will respond soon. if you had an agreement with her this is not far. Try to calm your heart and her silence does not mean that your baby is not on good hands. Adoptive parents also go to some emotional hard times and she may be wondering how to write for you, what to say, what pictures to send etc...

I think that people who adopt are often facing their worst fears when a birth parent of the child they adopted contacts no matter what cursory agreement was in effect in the beginning.As human beings the old brain kicks in and we want to protect those to whom we have bonded. It's the essence of the family group. An agreement is words. The day to day contact establishes a bond that is powerful.I would give her time. My adopted mother was so defensive and held herself to such standards to avoid scrutiny of her ability that she became very cold and resistant due to her insecurities.She resented my attempts to contact my birth parents because she interpreted this as a threat. It was not. No one living or dead could replace what she did for me. My birthparents never tried to contact me. They respected the fact it would be unfair to me and my adopted parents but that agreement was made in the 1950's. Times were different.My heart goes out to you. I hope that you can see that your husband will have a hard time not wanting to protect you. It's difficult for my husband to understand the longing. Waiting subconsciously preoccupies me as an adopted person. It's there in the back of my mind sometimes all most to the point of obsession. Try not to redirect your frustration at the situation to him. He has no concept I am sure. We can talk til we are blue in the face but it's hard for those who love us to understand how overwhelming "waiting" can be. Good luck with it all.I would give her time and then write another letter repeating that you don't want to interfere nor will you attempt contact without their consent. Re-iterate your intentions; that you merely want the information available should they choose to pass it on.After your child is 18 it's up to the adopted child. Until then jurisdiction remains with the adopted parents. Good luck. I hope they see your perspective.