Hygiene delays

So here we are 2 years later (kiddo is now 16.5) and this is what remains: 1. Still won't shower or put on deodorant without daily reminders. Still claims she can't smell it even though her sibs tell her she stinks. 2. Won't brush teeth without being watched. Yep, for the past 6 months I've awakened all 3 and stand there and watch them brush teeth in the morning. That way I KNOW they're getting in at least 1 decent brushing! :arrow: Therapist recommended I spend one week brushing FOR her before bed to "re-teach" her. I'm thinking that's just going to be a waste of time and effort, but we'll see. 3. Her room smells horrid in the morning! Thought it was hidden dirty clothes or bedwetting had returned, but even after I started having her bring previous day's clothes downstairs at night (to prevent smell from stinking up room), the smell was still there. I think it's from poor brushing and then mouth breathing while she sleeps. (So that's it's doggy breath filling her smallish bedroom.) Her sisters' rooms don't smell this bad in the morning, and one sis is actually a mouth breather (due to nasal passages being too narrow after cleft surgery). 4. And here's a new one...Finally gave her a few haircut options due to her now being 16 and still not doing her own hair (detangling it). She has tightly coiled curls that knot/lock right in the back where she sleeps on them. It's easier to detangle in shower with thick conditioner, but she just wouldn't even make the effort, so I end up having to do it. And I was so ready to pass that task on to her! So I showed her pics of a bob and a pixie cut, and she actually liked the pixie (think Halle Berry)! Was very cute when it was first cut, but she STILL refuses to comb/detangle it! She just puts water on and "smashes" it down in the morning. It looks like a matted mess. Much easier to detangle at this shorter length, but "too much work" for her to do. And she doesn't want me to help her make it look better. Think I'm gonna have to throw in the towel on this one. :confused: Or maybe I should just buy her a wig. Of course she'd have to learn to clean, comb, and style a wig, too, and I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Just wanted to add some positive things about my 16-yr-old, too. Even though her hygiene is awful and she smells 24/7, this kiddo has managed to teach herself how to play chords on piano and now teaches herself to play along with songs on radio! :banana: I took several years of piano lessons as a kid, played in high school band, and I could never learn to "play by ear" like that! :-) And since starting homeschooling her 4 years ago, she has caught up academically! She still struggles, and I'll need to sit with her for high school in the Fall, but she's leaps and bounds beyond where she was even 2 years ago! Just wanted to put this up as a reminder to myself that despite her many struggles, she's got some pretty impressive strengths, too. :woohoo:

YAY! For the academics! I have zero advice for you but I did want to give you a GREAT JOB at being persistent! I know one man that said he loves his woman smelling "natural" and doesn't want her shaving her legs or arm pits. NASTY! AND SHE SMELLS REALLY AWFUL! And now they are teaching their boys the same habits. I do hope that you are able to break her from that to avoid problems in the future as she matures. BLESS YOU!

It is not nasty not to shave regularly. Hair is not nasty.Hair and odor are not related.

It is not nasty not to shave regularly. Hair is not nasty. Hair and odor are not related.You may have a different standard of beauty, but I find it offensive to call another person nasty for what she chooses to do with her body.

We all have a difference of opinions. Mine is that this adult does not bathe, shave, wear deoderant nor brush her teeth and smokes like a freight train. And that a combination of all of this makes it uneasy for the surrounding people to be comfortable. It isn't that she simply doesn't shave. This child at issue obviously has a problem with learning what this parent believes in and I can relate to her feelings. And that is the issue herein. Not what WE think is wrong or right.

Two suggestions on the hair issue A satin pillow case will help keep it from tangling during sleep And a lot of people with really curly hair don't actually brush their hair because brushing just makes it worse [url=http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/curly-beginners-guide/curly-beginners-gui de-detangling-type-3-curls/]Curly Beginner's Guide: Detangling Without Brushing[/url]

Thanks for the tips, MnFamily, but unfortunately we've been there/done that. She sleeps in a satin bonnet AND on a satin pillow case. (Because she tends to move around so much her cap falls off and occasionally I'll find her sleeping on a stuffed animal rather than the the satin pillowcase, so we're trying to cover both bases.) :rolleyes: And it's the combing (with wide toothed comb) in shower with a thick (high slip) conditioner that she won't even attempt. She'll comb her bangs (which have looser curls), but won't even try the back (crown and down to nape). And that's the part that tends to mat the most. Trust me, I'm well-versed on kinky/curly natural hair care after 9 years of having my beauties home. ;) But I do appreciate the suggestions, anyway. And I agree with minehistheirs re: body odor in that if the odor is offensive to those around, the person/child will have difficulty getting and keeping a job, finding a mate, making friends, etc. It's just how our culture is. There are lots of places in the world where it's just too hot to maintain a fresh scent all day, and in those places a little BO is acceptable. And some families find it acceptable, but when your friends' boys begin wondering why nobody will stand within 10 feet of them, they may begin to think differently about BO. There are lots of natural and safe alternatives to commercial deodorant and antiperspirant. (I started my girls on that when they were young because I knew the learning curve would be longer than for most kids.) My 16-yr-old is used coconut oil today as a pit rub-in (prevents bacteria from growing, apparently). Seemed to work pretty well for her. And since she can use it all over as a lotion, this may be easier for her so that she continues. (Fingers crossed!)

I don't want to disrail much more just want to say that clearly not bathing, not brushing teeth, and having a bad odor are hygiene issues that affect a person's health as well as the comfort of those around her. Not shaving does not fall into that category and that is how your earlier post read to me.

That coconut oil is used for just about everything these days. Interesting...I hope it works well. I wonder if it would work better than an anti. My 11 year old daughter plays ball year around and it gets up to or over 100 degrees here in the summer. She bathes well and all of that but I'm wondering if we could use this as a night time ritual and then the anti. in the mornings and before ball. hmmmm. Thanks for the thought! My daughter also has very thick, very corse and curly hair. She is able to manage it because it isn't SUPER curly but curly enough that she can't just brush it without it being a HUGE POOF! It has finally grown out below her shoulders so that she can pull it in a bun or braid it but it still has those annoying "fly aways" which makes it always appear unkept. Especially when she is pulling her helmet on and off every few minutes during games. I have heard that using coconut oil is also good for the hair but haven't tried it to help with the texture bc it's is literally the texture of hay. (dried weeds):confused: #curlyhairproblems

My hair is very curly and can get very dry. I use coconut oil sometimes as a pre-wash it seems to help I just rub it in and leave it for a couple of hours once a week then scrub it out in the shower

Yes, funny how coconut oil is everywhere nowadays! (Those living in tropical climates knew its value long ago.) :-) We (Mom and girls) put it on our faces at night sometimes. Helps with dryness AND with pimples! (And I'm hoping with wrinkles, too.) :eek: And also with my middle's excema.

And, yes, I think that would be fine to try (having 11-yr-old put CO under arms after bath at bedtime, then the anti/deo in the morning. Though she might want to wipe her pits first. The CO just prevents bacteria from growing, preventing smell, but you still sweat.When mine were younger they either did sponge baths (just stood in tub, let water run, and wiped with soapy washcloth) or wet wipes (the toilet ones--had them wipe the 3 stinkiest areas, plus washing face with water), and then they'd throw the wipes away (NOT flush...bad for our really old sewer pipes!) They still do the wipes on mornings when they're going to swim BEFORE shower.

And, yes, I think that would be fine to try (having 11-yr-old put CO under arms after bath at bedtime, then the anti/deo in the morning. Though she might want to wipe her pits first. The CO just prevents bacteria from growing, preventing smell, but you still sweat. When mine were younger they either did sponge baths on non-bath days (just stood in tub, let water run, and wiped with soapy washcloth) or wet wipes (the toilet ones--had them wipe the 3 stinkiest areas, plus washing face with water), and then they'd throw the wipes away (NOT flush...bad for our really old sewer pipes!) They still do the wipes on mornings when they're going to swim BEFORE shower.

Remember that kids on the more serious end of the FASD spectrum have a very hard time understanding "cause and effect" or "consequences". If you tell a kid with FASD, "If you don't wash your underarms and your private area, you'll stink. And if you stink, your friends will be grossed out. And if your friends are grossed out, they won't want to be around you," it's going to be like speaking to him/her in a foreign language. All three of those statements are about cause and effect, and a kid with FASD may simply "not get it" at all. It's just like the 8 year old with FASD who has to be restrained from running into the road to see the cute puppy on the other side of the street, even though there are cars coming from both directions and Mom says, "If you do that, a car will run you over and you will be seriously injured. Shaorn