End Of Search w/ Tombstone

Hello all.... I am new here and I come with my heart broken. This is a long story so bear with me. I placed my 7 month old son for adoption with a private couple with the promises of having a semi-open adoption. That was 26 years ago. There were suppose to be periodical updates with pics and letters. The AP knew I had thought about an adoption agency but changed my mind due to not having opportunity for contact. They KNEW how important that was to me so they promised me the "world" if I would pick them instead. Of course I didn't know the AP was lying until it was too late. Over the course of years I would have to "track" them down through public records and/or adoption suppport groups which helped with searching to make contact. With the promises given I felt like a mother who had just been tricked into letting someone kidnap their child right away. The AM would OCCASSIONALLY and reluctantly cave in and call. There were a total of about 2 face to face visits (privately) and several phone calls. Unfortunately I just found out a few weeks ago that my son was murdered 14 months and that the trail is still going on. I had a family member make first contact with AM (divorced from AD) and then AM left number for me to call. I called. We cried. She said she regretted how she handled the lack of contact. I found out what happened and AM at first wanted me to be involved with being able to go to trail and in my grandbabies lives. I was in bliss and horrified at same time. Apparently after AM speaking to my family (we are NOT close at all...more like enemies) more she called me back and demanded me to stay away and even issued a temporarily restraining order so that I couldn''t go to the murder trail. After everything I felt deprived of from the feeling of having a kidnapped son and lies over the years it is HEAVY on my heart to attend the trail for my own closure. AM FINALLY admitted to my sister, her current husband and daughter in law how there was suppose to be periodical updates. Now that there is a temp restraining order I am devastated that she has now blocked any opportunity for me to have my final closure. Since this all started 26 years ago I am sure there will be many questions to answer. I was trying to keep the intro brief for now and fill in the gaps as questions arise. I am wondering if there could be any chance a judge could dismiss the order at court under the circumstances and let me attend the trail? Please help. My heart is shredded and beaten and broken. I need to attend these hearings for my own healing.