Advertisements
My daughter was an angel (as far as we know), until recently. She is smart, mature, funny and very stubborn. She was very focused on her career goal to become a nurse and didn't care about boys in the least. She never had a problem with the limits we set for her until about one or two months ago when she started hanging out with a girl that we don't like. All of a sudden she says we don't give her enough freedom, she is mad that we told her we don't want this girl over our house (for one thing, this girl lets our daughter buy her things without ever paying her back), she is starting to not care about her grades (she always had straight A's and is now starting to slip), etc... We saw a video she made on her cell phone on the bus simulating sex acts between the above mentioned girl and some of the boys on the bus with our daughter narrating. It was disgusting and we told her so. Then we saw a facebook conversation between her and a friend where she told this friend that she 'did things' with a certain boy that she regrets[URL="http://ipodnanogenerations.com/ipod/index.jpg"].[/URL] It turns out she had sex with this boy after school one day in the back seat of her car - and this is how she lost her virginity. All of a sudden she is not the same person anymore - she is eight months away from age 18. How much freedom should a teen girl be given at this age? We don't know whether to take the car away, or just let her go and do what she wants and make her own mistakes. She is still going to need guidance - college advice, job advice, financial assistance, etc... How much guidance and also freedom do we give her? :eyebrows:
Like
Share
I have no real advise, but I read the title of this post to my 18 and 19 year old foster boys and they instantly said "NONE!" in unison. I just had to share.
Advertisements
I would give her the amount of freedom she is showing she can handle (which sounds like very little). In terms of the friend, though, you may want to reconsider allowing her at the house. Unless you have her under house arrest, your daughter will find some way to hang out with her. If it's at your house, you can keep an eye on what is going on and dictate the rules.
Freedom is primarily a responsibility. I think that at age 17 I wanted a lot of freedom. But I was still an irresponsible child who did not want to go to college, who did not want to get a good job, who tried alcohol and had sex (though in 19 years) with the wrong guy. I ended up with this in 20 years. I went to college, found a job and now I want to create a big and strong family. I sometimes feel sorry for the time spent in my youth. But it was my experience. My parents could not and did not want to stop me. My niece is 17 years old. She wants to go to college, she got a job in the summer on volunteer work in order to have a good resume for an introductory essay. She goes to parties, but she never drinks or meets guys. I think that such a child can be given more freedom. 
Last update on July 31, 8:40 am by Janna Roe.
When I was 17 I lived on my own and was starting college. That was after quite a wild streak in which I had gotten pregnant and dropped out of school. The wild behavior is going to happen at some point. I would give her a little more freedom at home and restrict her access to other places and people. She is old enough to understand why certain things are bad choices. If her career is important to her, explain frankly how her poor choices now will effect her future.