adopted daughter meets birth mother part 1

THE REASON I TURNED TO WRITING THIS IS DUE TO IT ALL FAILING AND CAUSING LOTS OF DISTRESS! chapter 1 guess I was lazy searcher, a few times a year I would register for adoption searches, or Google my birthdate + adoption to see if I would get any hits. I did eventually give up and then one day received a text and thats where it began - when I found my real sister and birth mother I'm good at denial as you will learn through my true life story. I'm sure my adopted parents must have wondered many times why they chose me, or whose genes I had. I just think we're made to raise our own children. Well when I found her I broke out into a sweat, and it lasted for a week - we were busy sending e-mails back and forth like teenage lovers. Sharing and asking everything - nothing was too personal, it was all fireworks, lollipops, and parades, Everytime she text I felt a slight excitement and a little anxious Not knowing what was around the corner. There was a bit of bad news in there, my birth father could have been one of two men, one an abject loser, and the other a selfish dis jokey so I was told . Neither of which really lived up to what I had expected in the long years of wondering, imagination, not knowing. I had visions of artists, or drinking or havin a lavish lifestyle , or even real jerks that were selfishly pursuing their dreams. Something... special, eccentric, delicious forgetting about me! Then my mother wanted to meet, like RIGHT now, as in - I'm going to get on a train and find you. I wasn't really into that, I mean, I've been alone all my life, I've never set eyes on anyone I came from, never had a sister, brother, mother, father that treated me like their own - I've been outcast and unique and a part of a family but never felt loved in any way I just felt weird about giving that up, uncomfortable. I'm not sure I want to be part of a clan, have a mothers love, be known, and know. There is a certain kind quietness in being anonymous if you understand what I mean. I was feeling interested but scared to make a decision so for a few days I just thought about it. The texts were flowing lots of questions were asked. I was still very unsure as my birth mother had given me up for adoption why would she want me back. Was this real I asked myself I carried on my daily activities but my birth mother was on my mind 24/7. Every time I looked at my phone there were texts. And missed calls and voicemails saying I just wanted to hear your voice again. So҅Ņ. Eventually a week later I decided to take the plunge and come to London to meet my birthmother. I packed my case still very scared and anxious and confused and the next day caught a train to London it was a very scary nerve racking journey very long as I was so anxious. The train stopped and arrived in London then I realised no going back now I walked through my carriage collected my luggage and exit the train and there she stood in a grey suit holding a white jumper bleach blonde bobbed hair she looked at me I got this bubbling feeling in my stomach and there she was walking towards me with a smile on her face. I stopped placed my suitcase by my side and she held me so tightly I was so nervous she said to me hello Charmaine finally we meet. We walked to get a taxi I was feeling very sick unsure and over whelmed we finally got to the taxi rank and jumped in a cab to Charing cross station another very long journey this time with my birth mother continuously talking and telling me so much information I was looking out my window at the hustle and bustle of London thinking wow this is crazy. The cab stopped we jumped out we walked through the station and jumped onto another train this time I began to listen to what was being said she gave me her handbag and pulled out some smarties and offered me one I than began to look over her features and thinking wow I do look like this woman she is my birth mother. She had a very infectious loving feeling about her she seemed very loving and kind and someone who I always wished I was brought up by. The train stopped it was our turn to get off so much was going through my mind I began to feel a sense of insecurity I have come all this way and now am finally almost there at her home I mean. We walked up a very long and steep hill we began talking and my birthmother told me my sister will be around as soon as we arrive at her house. We finally stopped and we had arrived she lived in a flat I walked up the stairs and she showed me around.i placed my case in the bedroom where I was going to stay. I went to the bathroom and I locked the door looked in the mirror and thought oh my goodness 20 years of wishing and wondering and now am here in my birth mums house nothing else seemed to matter. My birth mum was calling me so I rushed out of bathroom put a brave smile on and headed towards the kitchen. I was so unsure what I was feeling at this moment, I was looking around were there were lots of photos and quotes about. Just then the door knocked it was my real sister my heart skipped I dint know where to look or what to do I felt a sense of excitement as she walked up the stairs holding the most beautiful little girl in her arms. This moment was amazing I was a auntie to the little girl she looked me up and down I placed my arms out and my sister gave her to me and said this is my little princess. I was looking at my sister thinking wow this is actually happening. My sister was a lot darker skin colour than me and brown hair I dint really think she looked like me or my birth mother. My birth mother began to take all of her table set up off and said we should eat to celebrate the occasion are you hungry. I was a extremely fussy eater and so we decided a little buffet selection would be quite adequate as neither of us knew what we were feeling and if we would be able to eat. I began to nibble and look around again I noticed everything was very tidy organised and clean. I could not even believe I was actually here in my birth mums house with a sister I have always wished for.my birth mother has a dog who is treated like a little boy so he made everything a lot easier as he was being cheeky and pinching food from the table but my birth mum said its fine he is my little boy and prefers human food then dog food. I sat next to him feeling very overwhelmed, my birth mum sat down opposite me began to eat and her very infectious smile made me began to feel welcome.