Snowballing out of control....

Take a step back and consider the big picture. If you know that having contact with all of these other people is goign to cause issues for LG, change your plans. You are not required to particpate in the combined party and you need to make it clear to the people who did set up the party that LG will not be there because of all the other people coming. It would be too much for LG and it is not in his best interest to be there. Just think how long it will take to undo the damage done by a simple ride on the crazy train for one party. :arrow: Maybe you could plan with the sibling family to have a get together at another time with just the two families and not all those other people. You can't control what happens at someone else's house, but you can at your house.

We had the visit...all in all about 30 people came--out of that 30 I'd met maybe 8 before. I was a bit overwhelmed, by my son handled it well and didn't have any negative behaviors afterwards. Mom was very appropriate...the dad not so much-alcohol and another challenge to my role as parent. The thing is, he acted almost like it was a DSS visit and that the lax "DSS rules" still didn't apply. I've offered Mom more visits, but will not be offering more to dad unless I hear of major changes. Which ironically is the opposite of how I thought things would work out. I get that Mom is probably on a high right now and a low will come, but she was very appropriate. I think the thing that really bothers me at these visits is that while these people really seem to care about my son, they don't quite *see* him the person. Its like he's not a person at all. Someone suggested that maybe all they can see is the disability and are just afraid to do anything for fear of doing the wrong thing....plus I'm sure I'm a complete unknown to these folks--never even seen some of them before--so I'm sure they didn't know what I might do or say. So, awkward as all get out, but no major disasters. Still I don't want to be mean, but I think I need to narrow down who all we can keep contact with. May sound mean, but its just too overwhelming.

I did a joint birthday party last year and had the exact same thing happen. Many, many people I didn't know were invited. HOWEVER, saying that, at least to me, people were appropriate. There was lots of watching and observing and not much interacting (and next to none with the kids) but since that point those extended family members have backed off totally. I think they know we cant maintain contact and visits with everyone, and I guess they approved of how the girls were doing. I hope the same thing happens for you. We are lucky that bmom knows that visits are dependent on appropriate behavior and self regulates and manages her family very well. She is good with not allowing those drunk or high around me or the kids. It has helped us to write out CLEAR expectations around visits - you might try that with dad too.