Saying the right thing (we are finalized)

April 25, 2012

We just received the final paperwork from the court in the mail yesterday. Court sign off was in early April, so we are now legally, officially parents (parents don't attend court here).

I want to send a email to our birthparents, and I am worried about saying the wrong thing. I am pretty sure they would want an email, as they really wanted to know when we arrived home, etc. I know for sure bgrandmother would want to know.

I was thinking about saying we received the paperwork in the mail yesterday, the court signed off on April X, which means that we are all officially family now.

Should I thank them? Should I tell them how thankful I am for fulfilling my dream? Should I acknowledge that this must be a hard time for them, or how this time is bittersweet?

Should I just say I am thinking of them?

crick

April 25, 2012

I don't think I'd thank them and would instead go the route of you are thinking of them & realize this must be a hard time for them. Letting them know you care is important, but to thank them could backfire. I know you are thankful, but it might come off sounding like "thank you so much for going through your pain so I could be a parent, it was my dream!!" kwim? Not that you mean it that way AT ALL...just saying I think for many, it can kind of come off that way.

I'm sure others will chime in with their thoughts!

You can still celebrate your joyous occasion of course! Congratulations!:)

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belleinblue1978

April 25, 2012

Don't thank them. I hate being thanked. I didn't place my son so someone could be a parent, I placed him for him.

I honestly don't know when my son's adoption was finalized and that is just fine by me. I don't know whne my own adoption was finalized and I bet my parents couldn't tell you either. We are just a family.

JustPeachy

April 26, 2012

I was thinking about saying we received the paperwork in the mail yesterday, the court signed off on April X, which means that we are all officially family now.

I don't think I would say this, or word this quite the way you have. If my aparents sent this note, I think I'd feel like they were rubbing it in my face. Even though I know you don't meant that way, it kind of reads that way, at least to me.

I also don't want my aparents thanking me for my son or for fulfilling their dream. I wasn't placing my son to fulfill anyone's dream, but like most mothers in crisis, had my back up against the wall with no decent options. I did what I thought was best for my son at the time under very difficult circumstances.

You mention that your child's family wanted to know that you got home OK. I would let them know you arrived home safely, and could also say you are thinking about them. Acknowledging that this must be a hard time for them can be a double-edged sword, I think. I mean, it is an empathetic thing to say, but OTOH, as you are the one benefitting from their loss, I think it has the potential to rub the wrong way or come off condescending (and again, I know you don't mean it that way at all, but I'm just thinking of how it might sound given the circumstances).

Allofus

April 26, 2012

Thanks for the responses. I hate feeling like I don't know the right think to say. I decided not to send anything about the finalization. I don't know if they were notified by the facilitator, but I'm sure they knew the general timeline.

I did have a great video to send out anyway (first bit of crawling) so I thought that would mark the occasion, and they would know I was thinking of them, even if they didn't know why.