Hello everyone. 14 months ago when my husband and I began the process of me adopting his (then 3 year old) son, I scoured the internet for someone who had succeeded in a contested stepparent adoption. I couldn't find any stories of encouragement or success. In fact, I only found a few failures or some nasty comments about how it is a terrible thing to do.
Every situation is different, but I wanted to let everyone know that it is possible to win a contested adoption! We finally did! It didn't come without a price -- over a year and over $8,000.
We are by no means rich people and pursuing the adoption meant continuing to live with my in-laws rather than move into our own place, but knowing that I am 100% fully and legally my little boys mommy is worth everything we sacrificed to have this adoption go through.:love:
This is such encouraging news to hear. I am in the process of trying to adopt my step son and bio mom is contesting. We are just in the initial steps so I'm sure it will be long and costly but well worth it. Good to hear it worked out for you. I hope and pray we have the same results!
If you dont mind could you tell us what were the conditions regarding your contested adoption. I have an ex who hasnt seen or paid support for my 3 year old daughter. my fiance and i are getting married since he's been raising her. my daughter only knows him as daddy since my ex left when she was an infant. wer gonna get a step parent adoption filed but my ex was very abusive and vindictive so i wouldnt put it past him that he might fight it. some lawyers said i have a good shot but others say that him simply showing up for the hearing is enough to show "interest" and that the judge will not terminate his rights. by the way im moving to GA which is where this will be filed. and my ex lives in FL. the judge is granting me permission to relocate due to better job opportunities and the lack of his contact.
Congratulations on your success. I hope that during this time, since the time this thread started, you and your family have been able to start to move on with your lives.
It's a tough road. Too many people think those of us who pursue this are either crazy for getting involved, or insecure regarding our spouse's past partners. Rarely do they ever realize it's about the love, security, and well being of the child involved. I know that we bent over backwards giving my daughter's biomother several years to get her life together and to start seeing her, but that time never came. Only when I filed to adopt did biomother show any interest whatsoever in seeing my daughter. Even then, it wasn't so much as wanting to parent her, but rather an attempt to prevent me from taking "her child". My daughter was in effect, her possession, rather than a living breathing child who had very real needs and wants. The process took nearly 2 full years before a successful completion of the adoption.
For those of you who are still attempting, or contemplating a step parent adoption, there is a site that helps you know what the law regarding adoption is in your state. childwelfare site.
Last update on November 10, 9:32 am by Sachin Gupta.
When we found out that our step parent adoption had been contested, we were really stressed out and came to the internet to find similar stories and didn't find any! So, I wanted to share our story with you!
My husband had custody of his son (I'll call the adopted son B) since he was 2 years old. The bio mom paid some child support off and on for a few years and had COMPLETELY stopped for 3 years. No phone calls, emails, letters, nothing. She hadn't seen B since he was 3 years old and B had no idea that the bio mom existed. I had been married to my husband for about 3 months when we started the adoption process (B was 7 at the time). The bio mom lived in Indiana and never has the same address or phone number for very long so it was hard to find her. We had to hire a private detective to find her and serve her the papers that told her I was going to adopt B. She had 90 days to respond (I think it was 90) and contested the adoption in like, the last possible week.
She started paying child support again at this time (do not let that worry you, judges see through that). She showed up for the first court hearing and was issued a free attorney (we paid about $3000 for ours!). So, they had to schedule another court date. She didn't show up for the second court date but my attorney didn't have some sort of paper that he was supposed to have sooooo we had to schedule another court date. On the third court date, she did show up. We all testified, it was dramatic at times... and I was able to adopt B.
In court that day, I felt so many mixed feelings about the whole situation. I was sad for B. I know that one day I'm going to have to explain to him that his bio mom was not able to care for him like he needed. She turned her back on him in the most tender and innocent time in his life. Honestly, I was sad for the bio mom too. I never ever thought I would feel that way toward her. After all, she is a grown woman who has made so many horrible decisions in her life that she completely lost custody forever of a child that she gave birth to.
I love B so much. I'm glad all of that all of this is behind us and we can move on as a family. If you would like to know more or need to know who my attorney was, please email me! (we live in Loudon County TN and our attorney was out of Knox)... Good luck with your step parent adoption!!!:cheer: