we want adoption not guardianship - advice?

I went through Ma DCYF. They test to be overworked and can easily take short cuts. I'd start up the chain - supervisor and THEIR supervisor If that doesn't work, you can contact a congress person, the press, or a lawyer (probably the best success gonig through a family law attorney) It may impact your ability to foster moving forward. But IMO it would be worth it good luck

Thanks. Funny to think we might be retaliated against for WANTING to adopt a teen, but we'll try that. Any advice on proceeding when her lawyer and the legal department seem to think it's too hard to pursue?

I would take one step at a time. If they're offering to help you become her permanent legal guardians, then do that. Once that is achieved you'll have more legal weight to throw around to try to adopt her. Worst case, you can adopt her when she's an adult at 18 because she gets to decide then. We've done that once, and I can't say it hasn't been without difficulties, but she is my daughter and I walked her down the aisle to get married. Good luck

So wait, we'd just become her guardians on May 15 as scheduled, then forget about the department of children and families altogether and pursue adoption independently? How would that work? Would it be very expensive? The bio mom has a history of being very difficult and would try to mount appeal after appeal.

Once she turns 18, she could be adopted by you without needing a TPR. Most states provide for this kind of adoption, there are only a few where you could not do so. It's called an 'adult adoption', you can check your state laws about it online. As the adoptee is over 18, they get the biggest say.

One thing to check into is services available for foster child vs adopted. I have a 17 year old and we are not pursuing adoption because of the services he will receive to transition to independent living. For example he if wants to go to college we can't pay for it but the state will if he stays in foster care. If terminating rights will be a fight you might research and talk to your daughter about the adult adoption.

I'm not suggesting any particular path, but rather to just keep working your way toward the goal. So yes, become her guardians on May 15th. No matter what, that gives you more say and control in her legal case. Pursuing adopting her on your own may be an option, but it depends on how your state works. Other steps might be necessary first, like in our state you would first have to get her declared as abandoned if birthmom doesn't visit for 6 months. After becoming her legal guardians, I would strongly recommend finding a good adoption lawyer. Ask for them to take the case pro bono because this is a 15 year old from foster care. In my opinion, any lawyer that wouldn't do this for free doesn't have any compassion, anyway :). If her birthmom is going to fight and be difficult, you may not be able to make progress. Accept that as a possibility while still trying your best. Since she's 15, make sure to let her know your plans and how you're fighting for her. Let her know you're not going to give up but that you will still love her and be her parents no matter how your efforts turn out. We faced something like this with our oldest, but it was caused by an immigration issue. We didn't know if we could ever clear her immigration status so that she was eligible for adoption. It was terribly frustrating for us, but she handled it pretty well, because she could tell that we cared because we were fighting for her.

Call the Office of the Child Advocate: [url=http://www.mass.gov/childadvocate/]Office of the Child Advocate - Mass.Gov[/url] Also perhaps MARE ([url=http://mareinc.org]Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange-MARE[/url]) They may have some MA-specific advice for you. GOOD LUCK!!

What ended up happening? Did you get guardianship or TPR?

Thanks so much for asking- her mom's lawyer deliberately delayed the trial until the interpreter for her mom had to leave, so they postponed until late July. It was an awful day though. Our daughter and her eldest sister spent 7 hours hiding in a remote part of the courthouse while we ferried them snacks and drinks so they wouldn't have to see their mom. Didn't work - she spotted them at the end of the day and gave them a look of such hatred and disgust that both burst into uncontrollable sobs as soon as we were free of the courthouse. Poor FD was all keyed up to say her piece to the judge, so the let-down was intense.:hissy: We did go over the social worker's heads to the area director and got a meeting with him in which he was supportive. We had him say, to our daughter's face, that they would do what was in her best interests and do adoption if that was her wish. We followed up with e-mails to all concerned quoting that promise. DCF is planning to meet reconsider the goal and change it to adoption. Before then, I plan to share with them memos from FD's doctor and psychiatrist documenting the effects of abuse, plus journal entries from myself describing what we've seen over the past two years. FD might write something as well, we have some great writing she's already done for her English classes about it all. We'll also follow up with the office of the child advocate - great idea - thanks much for it. We've also lined up some lawyers who spent 20 years working inside DCF and are eager to shred them on this issue. So, fingers crossed. Our worst fear is that DCF will retaliate by trying to place her elsewhere, with people who are less trouble to them. Thanks again for all the great advice!:love:

I'm shocked!! I fostered a male teen and his cw said if I wanted to adopt him, she would force TPR. His bio mom's issue was housing; then she went in a rehab due to obesity and her kids (3) had been in care for 4 years.

Yes, I can't understand why her social worker is so resistant and insists FD keeps a bond with her bio mother and visits her mother regularly. SW talks frequently to me about how "crazy" "stupid" and "filthy" FD's mother is (I know, VERY professional) yet she wants FD to keep a strong connection to her. The odd part is the SW, who is Vietnamese like our FD, was accidentally separated from her own bio parents while desperately fleeing Vietnam as a refugee. The SW at age 8 or 9 managed to jump on a boat, and ended up 48 hours later in MN, fostered by a white Christian family. When her loving, totally normal bio parents appeared years later after a heart-rending search, the SW says she didn't want to live with them because they "didn't speak English, ate weird food, and dressed funny" so she asked her white foster family to adopt her instead, which happened. Yep, this is the same woman who is horrified at the thought of our FD leaving her mentally ill, cognitively limited bio mom after suffering years of profound neglect, physical and emotional abuse, periods of starvation, exposure to extreme domestic violence, murder attempts and so much more! SW left her own parents because they "dressed funny". Go figure.