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We just ran into our son C's birth mother today. It's been a while since I've seen her. We stay connected through facebook but we have not had planned visits in the last 4+ years since we finalized our adoption because of her continued heavy drug use. We do however usually run into her once a year or so at a store since we live in the same neighborhood.
She just contacted me a week ago on facebook saying she had been clean for 13 days and was participating in a new program and how she has accepted God and how she is starting a new life (she has said many things along these lines over the last 7+ years that I have know her). Though I truly do hope this time it sticks with her. I want her to be happy. She has already lost 4 of her children, as well as her recent husband.
Seeing her today caught me by suprise. Even though she was smiling and happy and friendly with us she looked worse than I had ever seen her. The drugs have really thinned her out and are wearing on her.
Our son was with us and he didn't recognize her. But when I told him who she was he went up to her and gave her a hug. He seemed happy like it was some stranger off the street and in some ways she is. But, I just worry if it will start affecting him later as he thinks about it more and it sinks in who she really is to him(it's been about 2+ years since he ran into her).
I'm not sure why I am posting. I guess just because I am sad. Seeing her again. Knowing that she was a foster child herself and had a rough life with drugs all around her. Seeing the damage she has done to herself. Knowing all she has lost.
It does make me so grateful to know that C is with me and that he isn't being raised around all that and I'm grateful that she welcomes us and thanks us openly for being the parents to him that she couldn't be. She has said to us several times "you guys are the kind of parents I wish I had when I was growing up, I couldn't ask for better parents for C."
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it is wonderful that you embrace c's birth mother as you do. c is a lucky little guy to have you. it's sad that his b mom has had these struggles(actually down right heartbreaking) but the wonderful thing is that c has you and now the cycle can be broken. to think she so wants to overcome but can't. that is a hard thing to take. i will send some good thoughts and hope that she has found a path that leads her to a better place than where she has been previously.
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I think it is really great that you can see the good in her when many people would only see the negative. I also think it is good that your son sees his birth mother occasionally and will someday be able to realize that she was happy that he got the life she never had may help him. It is sad that she has not been off drugs permanently, but if she keeps trying, that is a positive. Good luck to all of you:)
Thank you.
She was really upset a couple nights ago on facebook saying she was all alone and how can she be such a horrible person that she never had a family when she was a kid and now she has to wake up everyday knowing she lost everything that ever mattered to her, including 4 children and her husband.
It was so sad to hear. I really worry for her. I tried to bring her words of comfort and let her know how important she is and how much we care for her and hope the best for her.
She also suffers from bi-polar, so that might have been a real low moment for her, or maybe it's because mothers day is coming up.
I just wish in my heart I could help her,but I know I can't. I can only offer her our care and concern.
as i have written before, it is so sad that she wants so much more for herself but the power of the drugs is so strong that she can hardly pick herself up to turn things around. not that this helps when she feels alone but i hope she finds a little peace in knowing that her kids are in loving(a loving) homes, cared for, safe and thriving. i have been touched seperately than through fostering by the effects of drugs on someone i love and it makes me want to do some type of outreach to help in drug use prevention but as i write this i am realizing what we will do as foster parents may just be the best outreach going. there is no better opportuninty to guide a life than the leading we do with fostering.