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Hi everyone, Would just like to say hi and I am from England. I am 33 and me and my husband have a wonderful 6 year old son of our own who has Autism. My husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for 10. Me and my husband both made the decision not to have any more children naturally as I had quite a rough time with the pregnancy and birth. It was a hard decision but I think best all round. However, we dearly want to expand our family and over the last few years have decided we are most definetly going to Adopt a child. We have filled out the forms, got some references together and going to send them off today and await a phonecall. There is a something that is concerning me a lot though and I wonder if anyone can help me with it. My own mother is an alcoholic on a nighttime basis. I would like to stress that I put my son absolutly first and he barely sees her, she has never babysat him and we probably only see her on brief occasions unless she is in the hospital. I will not allow my son to be around that in anyway shape or form unless she is sober and I never leave him with her. I know they go through our own upbringing and its concerning me that they might refuse us because of this but I would never allow my own child nor anyone elses to be around my mum. Sounds awful I know :( Anyone got any advice?
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Your relationship with your parents as well as your childhood is explored within the homestudy in some detail. You will have to explain how things are now, what your relationship is like, and whether and how your mum will be involved in your life post adoptionHowever, it is not expected that you are some Mr and Mrs Perfect. I do not think your mothers alcoholism would be a barrier to approval for you. They may want to discuss with you how you will discuss this with your future child, maybe the implications if you adopt a child whose original parents are also alcohol dependent, what you envisage your future childs relationship will be like with their grandmother. However, it is not expected that the grandparents be very involvedWhere are you in the process now then? Have you been accepted by an agency, or are you contacting them still? You wouldn't need references until you start homestudy, and different agencies have different requirements for who your referees have to beAgencies will probably want to discuss with you your sons autism and how that will affect the adoption. Your son will probably be under much more stress than a neurotypical child when a new sibling moves in and his life will change quite suddenly. It may affect which children you could adopt. However, of course you already have experience parenting a child with SN, which is a positive thing. I do suspect though that agencies will want discussion about it before taking you onBest wishes :)
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Hi Carmen90What ever you do make sure you tell them right from the start about your mum .That way they know you are not hiding anything.They will also want to know how you will make sure you give enough attention to both children.what age group are you looking to adopt?In the uk there has to be at least 5 years between children and some will not except you until the youngest one is at least 15 but that is only a few.i would also think very hard about any innocents that may of happen to you involving your mums drinking while you were growing up.my husband and i are going through the adoption process at present and have just had the biggest shock because our local health reports pulled up something we had long forgot about and didnt even know there was a record of.This has now resulted in them thinking we had kept it from them and most proberly ruined any chance we have of adopting.Please be truthful about all that may of happened especially if she has ever hit anyone while drunk .Wishing you all the best