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I find myself broke and unexpectedly pregnant. I don't want to be a welfare mom and i don't feel i'm okay with abortion either. Adoption seems like a good idea, but how do i take care of myself for the next 6 months or so? Any previous B-moms in similar situations (broke, unemployed, still in university) have any suggestions?
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Dickons
Have you actually taken the time to talk to any of us or are you just generalizing and painting us all with the same brush?
Dickons
I'm not even sure what you mean by this. I don't need to talk to anyone else to know that I am a perfectly happy adult adoptee. I also know that there are many people who have an extremely broad variety of feelings about their status as an adoptee. My post was actually to show the other side of the coin, because I felt like Brenda's post was more of a generalization of all adoptees.
What generalization do you believe I am making?
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Catoso
keep in mind that it's likely that only people who are experiencing loss and pain and having a hard time dealing with it are the people who will seek out the support of an online support group of people in similar situations.
I am an adult adoptee, and I've had a very happy, normal life and have never felt anything less than greatly loved by all members of my adoptive family.
That we are all having a hard time dealing with it and didn't have a good [adoptive] family. That is a generalization and unless you actually talk to us and know why we are here, or what our back story is, then you are simply making an assumption of who we are and why we are here.
I can only imagine the back lash if someone said that about people challenged by infertility who decided on adoption and turned to an adoption support group forum like a.com.
The reality of ALL the different groups on this forum is that many just want to be with people who are similar, have similar stories, or in the first stages of either adopting, fostering, starting a search, reconnecting with their first family or child, going through the hiccups or insecurities along the way - or the wows and highs as well, as just plain old what's up and what do you think about this.
Dickons
PS - apologies to the OP for derailing the thread...
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Dickons
Catoso
That we are all having a hard time dealing with it and didn't have a good [adoptive] family. That is a generalization and unless you actually talk to us and know why we are here, or what our back story is, then you are simply making an assumption of who we are and why we are here.
I can only imagine the back lash if someone said that about people challenged by infertility who decided on adoption and turned to an adoption support group forum like a.com.
The reality of ALL the different groups on this forum is that many just want to be with people who are similar, have similar stories, or in the first stages of either adopting, fostering, starting a search, reconnecting with their first family or child, going through the hiccups or insecurities along the way - or the wows and highs as well, as just plain old what's up and what do you think about this.
Dickons
PS - apologies to the OP for derailing the thread...
You're right - I misspoke and should not have said that *only* people who are unhappy come to these forums. Obviously that's not the case, since I am here, but to be honest, I have looked at the adoptee forums numerous times in the six years I've been a member here and have repeatedly felt like it's just not a place I belong, because I see a vast majority of posts by unhappy individuals.
I was only trying to point out there are two sides to this coin, and not all adoptees are unhappy. Thanks for so "kindly" pointing out my mistake.
Honestly, this forum no longer feels like a supportive environment anymore, and I've been here a long time, on two sides of the triad. I hope the OP finds the support she's looking for.
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It has been awhile, so I thought I would post an update. After reading so many stories from birthmothers with regrets, open adoptions that fell apart, and unhappy adoptive couples with failed/contested matches/adoptions, I realized I did not have the strength to be a birthmother. I could not give birth to a child I could not keep. I also could not afford a baby. Luckily, I live in a state where I had other...options, I guess you can say. I just want to thank everyone for their advice in this difficult time.
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Super, I lost my daughter a year and a half ago, and I have never moved on. Poverty is a temporary situation if you are determined to get out of it. Welfare is there to help you, so that you can stay with your daughter. Don't let yourself feel stuck with adoption as your only option. You are a strong woman. I wish the best for you and your new family.
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oops Irish. I didn't read through the thread before coming posting. I hope that things are working out for you.
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First off, im not a birth mother. Im an adoptive parent. But thought i could help. If you are still considerinf adoption and need financial support during pregnancy an adoptive couple can help. They can cover expenses, get you insurance, and even house you. Look intovthat option also. I wish you the best on your journey. Messagw me if you have any questions.
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Superirish terminated her pregnancy, but even if she hadn't she would likely have already given birth.
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There are so many options out there for you to explore. I would talk to several agencis without signing anything. If you don't want to support agnecies greed there are other options. There are people out there who have approved homestudies that do not want to go through an agency. Feel free PM me if you just want to talk.
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I guess this isn't a huge issue anymore, since she 'took care of it' in Sept. But I would be curious Super, if you are still around, were you able to go back to life as it was before? I guess I just ask because when I was finalizing my adoption plan for littleman a coworker came up to me and told me that she had never spoken about this, but that she had had an abortion twenty years ago, and before the end of our discussion was bawling while trying to talk about it. I also have three relatives that have all done that and one suffered major nightmares, one is no longer able to have children and one never speaks of it. I know I have not gotten back to "normal" after the adoption and have come to realize that I never will. So, I wondered if you were able to?
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superirish
Thank you for sharing your story.
I should talk to my parents, but my older sister is already five months pregnant and in the same boat as me (sort of, she's slightly less broke) and I really can't dump this on them now. I, mean, this is like the worst possible timing ever. Can you believe I hope the world actually ends soon so I don't have to figure this out?
If I was your parent, I would rather u tell me so u don't have to deal with it, by your self. I hope eveything goes fine. Anyways theres welfare and medical. Just because your on it, doesn't mean u will be on Welfare for ever. Go to the Welfare departmemt. they should be able to help u.
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CRAZY_WOMAN
If I was your parent, I would rather u tell me so u don't have to deal with it, by your self. I hope eveything goes fine. Anyways theres welfare and medical. Just because your on it, doesn't mean u will be on Welfare for ever. Go to the Welfare departmemt. they should be able to help u.
I agree that those finding them in this situation should tell their parents if it is possible. You need all of the support a family can give you.
One of the biggest regrets (and I have a few) is never telling my parents. I gave up my birthson 42 years ago. My parents are both gone now, but I wished I had told them at the time. Looking back, I think my decision could have been discussed and they may have helped me to keep my son. I was just so sure they would have been disappointed that I got pregnant that I just couldn't tell them and left home and had him in another state.
I have since married and have raised 3 beautiful children, have 6 grandchildren. Most of them know about the adoption and have never judged me. In fact my grown children have been encouraging me to search for him. Especially my daughter who thinks that I need to do this for some closure.
I hope that you make the decision that is the right one for you.
arjo1244
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Dickons
The ORIGINAL POSTER is
no longer P.R.E.G.N.A.N.T...
I am sure that the decision was what was needed to do under the personal circumstances. That wasn't as "easy" an option back when I was in that situation. But everyone must do what they think is best for them.
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Hello
Sometimes it can feel like it is the end of the world. Truth is it is the beginning of your baby's world, you have created a part of you, love,teach, travel this journey together. Things change, there are many opportunities available to you and your son or daughter. After you spend time with your child, you may realize that the world will not end at.
I wish you both well
mandy
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