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A week ago my FD E left our home. We have had much sadness about her leaving, but feel the move was in the best interests of all our children, and her above all. The current plan is that some type of contact be maintained between E and her two bio brothers (both living with us still, moving towards adoption). We don't get to control this but we do get to put in our two cents. What do you guys think? The reason for separation was E's emotional deterioration after being in the same home as her brothers for awhile, and her unhealthy relationship with one of them (not sexual, but very parentified, probably interfering with her attachment to me and DH). I think no contact would be best for her for a while at least, though the boys would probably benefit from contact, especially 11 yo T, who feels a LOT of guilt over the situation...
The current ruling is there WILL be contact, but that could be anything from weekly visits to a letter every six months. So what would you recommend for this situation? I had thought little to no contact would happen but that doesn't seem to be the case.
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I think it's important for siblings to be able to maintain some contact. It will reassure them that their sibling(s) is safe, and that it's okay for them to be happy with their own lives. Short visits would seem best, like an hour at a park, or lunch at McDonalds, just enough time to play and see that the sibling hasn't dropped off of the planet, but not long enough to fall into old habits. Maybe once a month? Then less often as they get older and can maintain contact on their own through letters/phone calls. (Just my opinion, I'm no expert.)
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When we had to disrupt part of a sibling group due to behaviors and inappropriate relationships, we attempted to maintain bimonthly visits. Unfortunately, the way things worked out is that his behaviors were so extreme that the visits dwindled down to one a month and then not at all, at the advice of our then fd's therapist. We kept pictures of him in the youngest's room....the older one didn't want to see him ever again. The kids have since moved on to therapeutic and as far as I am aware, the contact has not resumed. It really has to do with how the kids are together and what impact it has on them.
Our current kids have two older siblings, that are not in foster care. The oldest is with paternal family and has never had a relationship with these guys. The second oldest had a good relationship with them and after a couple months in care, we started doing weekly sibling visits. It was a lot of work, but it meant the world to them. Unfortunately, life happens and the visits have needed to be stopped, but we still share pictures with all the kids. We're hoping that they can maintain at least some sort of contact.....even if it's just knowing where they are and that they're ok.
We did the first sibling group's visits in the community, away from either's residence. He was moved to a therapeutic placement about an hour and a half away; we met at a mcdonald's about halfway in between. It kept the visits time limited and some what structured, which was essential.
The visits we were doing with our current kids' brother started in a similar fashion...meeting in the community, having structured activities and such. As time progressed, we were able to have them at our house, but tried to keep it time limited and somewhat structured as well. This was definitely a challenge, given the age differences in the kids. Their aunt even told us that this was the most quality time that the boys had ever spent together, despite near daily contact before removal.
If the kids are in therapy, talk to their therapist and see what is suggested.