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My almost four year old son was 21 months when he was first placed with us. The first year he had some pretty awful food issues. He would scream bloody murder for food, even as I was preparing it. He had a panicked crazy scream. When I put the food in front of him, he devoured everything. About a year ago, he finally stopped the screaming. We make sure meals are always at certain times. He even has become a bit picky. He has relaxed quite a bit.
This afternoon while I was preparing dinner, he became more and more agitated. He wanted it NOW. Finally, when dinner was ready, I didn't see him. He was face down on the couch. I thought he was asleep. No, he was furious and had his face shoved into the couch. I told him it was time for dinner. He did not answer me. I told him we would be happy for him to join the family at the table, but if he wanted to sulk he could do it in his room. I carried him to his room. He started hysterically crying & came out. I said I was happy he decided to have dinner with us. He sat at his place scowling at his plate refusing to eat. I said that's ok you don't have to. He sat there in silence. When we all got down from the table he finally ate his dinner.
Is it typical for behaviors to cycle on & off? My son displays a different controlling manipulative behavior every couple of months. Then it goes away & another takes its place. A few weeks ago it was purposly peeing his pants when he was angry with me. Before that, it was crying in the night so we would come to his room. Multiple times per night. We would ask what was the matter. He would say "I want a kiss" Now this...My son is a very loving affectionate child. He's smart and communicative. However, he has a lot of anxiety. Could anyone give me any pointers how to deal with these behaviors? He is playing with his brother and sisters right now like nothing happened....
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I know this problem is minor compared to many. My children have mild attachment issues, anger issues and anxiety. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with a child who will do anything to get attention? He cycles these behaviors on and off. Does he need therapy? Is there any parenting books I should read? My older children were raised on Love and Logic. Would this work?
Am I handling the refusing to eat thing properly? This looks like it may be his new "thing" for awhile. I don't think that he has a serious attachment disorder, but his need for love and attention gets overwhelming at times.
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Hmmm...I would ignore the behavior. I would set a timer and give him that amount of time to eat and, if he doesn't, he doesn't eat. I wouldn't allow him to eat after everyone has left the table.
Now granted, I'm looking at this from the outside, but if you feel he's just testing you, I would 1) tell him when dinner is going to be and that if he needs to scream about it, he can do it in his room (as you did). 2) not allow him out of his room if he's still screaming - let him know dinner is being served and he needs to calm down in order to join the family. 3) when the family is finished, he is finished. He might go hungry for a night, but - you offered, he declined.
If his behavior didn't change for a few weeks, I would probably then take a different tactic, but I'd give that a try at first. I think that's the quickest way to nip testing in the bud.
I have a child that will do just about anything to get attention (example: She had a scratch on her head one day and got a lot of attention for it. The next day, she deliberately scratched herself several times to get more attention.)
For the food thing, I agree with slackwater. When my DD is dawdling and being controlling, I set limits on it. "You can choose to eat or not eat. If you choose to eat, you have X minutes to get to the table (or X minutes to finish up your meal). After that, we are done with dinner." That way, she knows that she is in control, but she is not controlling everyone else. For her, it's important (IMO) to understand that someone else is taking care of her, and even though she wants to be in charge, she is not allowed to be an adult, she can be in charge of her own behavior and the rewards or consequences it brings.
Love and Logic does not work on my DD. Positive rewards do not work (in fact they more often backfire, as she sabotages to prove that she is not deserving).
I would also consider putting out something that your DS can snack on while you are preparing dinner. Something that if he is TRULY hungry, he can eat, but is not terribly appealing and he won't fill up on. Like raw carrots or celery. This used to be the only way that I could get my DS to eat veggies when he was really little (like 12-18 months) - I'd hand him veggies while I was cooking.
Hope that helps!
minibus
I have a child that will do just about anything to get attention (example: She had a scratch on her head one day and got a lot of attention for it. The next day, she deliberately scratched herself several times to get more attention.)
For the food thing, I agree with slackwater. When my DD is dawdling and being controlling, I set limits on it. "You can choose to eat or not eat. If you choose to eat, you have X minutes to get to the table (or X minutes to finish up your meal). After that, we are done with dinner." That way, she knows that she is in control, but she is not controlling everyone else. For her, it's important (IMO) to understand that someone else is taking care of her, and even though she wants to be in charge, she is not allowed to be an adult, she can be in charge of her own behavior and the rewards or consequences it brings.
Love and Logic does not work on my DD. Positive rewards do not work (in fact they more often backfire, as she sabotages to prove that she is not deserving).
I would also consider putting out something that your DS can snack on while you are preparing dinner. Something that if he is TRULY hungry, he can eat, but is not terribly appealing and he won't fill up on. Like raw carrots or celery. This used to be the only way that I could get my DS to eat veggies when he was really little (like 12-18 months) - I'd hand him veggies while I was cooking.
Hope that helps!
luvbeingamom
Minibus: This is exactly what I'm dealing with. The peeing himself started with an accident. Then he started doing it on purpose to get attention. It stopped when I started ignoring it and making him clean up his own mess.
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That's gotta be tough to deal with! My son has very mild problems in the scheme of things, I realize that...it just drives me crazy that he purposly does things to get a reaction out of me. :hissy: I just stopped the reactions, said "It looks like you peed your pants. You need to clean it up". Then I made him get into new clothes and put his clothes into the wash. He would have to clean up any puddles. After a few times, it was no longer getting him what he wanted and he stopped.
I guess I'd better steel myself. He pulled the "no eat" thing at lunch again. :arrow: