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Hi all! It has been awhile since I have been on here! There is a potential that we may be placed with a relative from out of state (we are still licensed after the adoption of our sweet 2 kids). My question is, if you have put your name in for kinship care, how did the birth parents and other family members react? If you went all the way through adoption, what kind of relationship do you maintain with those family members and how stressful is that for you and your child? Thank you in advance for any and all comments!
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My FFKs were RUed with mom and I still see the kids all the time. That being said, kinship care is soooooo hard - much harder than traditional foster care in my experience. The family dynamics will change and relationships will never go back to the way they were before. I don't for a second regret taking Pumpkin and Monkey Man but I am still dealing with the fallout all this time later.
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Come join us in the relative adoption support ( [url]http://forums.adoption.com/relative-adoption-support/[/url] ) :) Family reactions differ soo much Most of my family saw us as the savior (they had been desperately looking for a way to keep her in the family. It's hard being a saint :rolleyes: My cousin (the BD) was quite angry at his mom, thanked us. At some level, I think he was relieved. We, too, are out of state. We see them at family events (admittedly, I make more of an effort now to attend - for DD's sake) Most of the extended family - who was so engaged in the beginning, has dropped off. Which is a good thing. We're free to just be a family. good luck
wcurry66
Come join us in the relative adoption support ( [url]http://forums.adoption.com/relative-adoption-support/[/url] ) :) Family reactions differ soo much Most of my family saw us as the savior (they had been desperately looking for a way to keep her in the family. It's hard being a saint :rolleyes: My cousin (the BD) was quite angry at his mom, thanked us. At some level, I think he was relieved. We, too, are out of state. We see them at family events (admittedly, I make more of an effort now to attend - for DD's sake) Most of the extended family - who was so engaged in the beginning, has dropped off. Which is a good thing. We're free to just be a family. good luck
I have adopted a relative's child. Kinship foster care is very tough emotionally. I have been a kinship foster parent twice and have fostered another child. The kinship fostering was way more drama. Family relationships have changed somewhat. I'm closer to my children's Grandparents and extended family members than I was before. They are very respectful and nice, but sometimes it's tough that it seems like they want a larger "say" in how we raise them. They respect any differences we have, though. Our relationship with their mother has been strained lately. She has recently had another baby and I think this has churned up some unresolved feelings. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat! My children are my life and I truly think having a relationship with their direct bios is in their interests as long as it remains civil.
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I am not a licensed foster parent ... I took my nephew in after he was removed from my sister's home. My sister is estranged from our family (other than a few extended family members who have no idea what happened) and even before that she and I did not get along. She was not happy that I was the only family member able to take him. all through the case she repeatedly makes snotty comments about how we're meeting his physical needs but nothing else. Which is ridiculous ... the poor kid went from a withdrawn sullen little boy who could only articulate a few words to a happy high-spirited chatterbox. He obviously blossomed dramatically in our care and she still can't stand that. The TPR trial was several weeks ago and everyone expects TPR to be granted. Everyone also expects mom at least to drag it out with appeals (not sure about dad, he claims to contest it but he will be in jail awhile and no way to keep a kid). So if we do adopt it will be awhile. However, it won't change family dynamics ... she is estranged from our whole family so we're not going to run into her at family gatherings. She did some seriously bad things to our family, there is no way she'll be welcomed back into the fold without some serious and genuine atonement on her part. And we simply do not believe that is possible, we firmly believe she has undiagnosed mental health issues that prevent her from being "normal". I like the idea of open adoptions but I don't think that is giong to be healthy in this case given how mom is inappropriate (she can be very cruel to her kids). I know nothing about dad and he lives across the country, so I guess there is a chance there, but he is in jail for violent assault which is kinda scary. Long story short ... having my nephew hasn't really changed dynamics because my sister hated me even before then. I do agree with the others that kinship care is horribly difficult, especially for an "accidental foster parent" like me. Crazy family drama on top of crazy DHS rules.