Has anyone tried to fight the system ???

@Servjah, I ABSOLUTELY agree! The system is so ridiculous in this way. 6 months to a year is an ETERNITY for a child. I am having a huge issue in which the judge decided after placing the baby with me, that I am NOT fictive kin, but she will give the baby back to me when I get licensed for foster care (5-6 months). In the meantime, my ex sis-in law (biomom has already had 4 TPRs for her oldest children. We are the adoptive resource and the only "family" that has come forward (the baby is now 17 days old). In the meantime, she is in a foster home, and the foster mom told me at the visitation that nobody has even mentioned to her that the baby has "family" that has stepped forward. This whole situation hurts everyone. The foster mom and baby are bonding, and even though the goal is RU, when this baby is taken from her foster mom, it is going to hurt the FM. In the meantime, the baby could be bonding with me and my husband and children. Then, in the case of RU, she will still have constant access to me and in the case of TPR, will have an adoptive family that she has had from birth.

See, that is part of the issue. I cannot understand why ICPC should take so long. Sadly, ime, very few bio or fictive kin allow foster parents to stay in the child's life.

hkolln,I just want it known that I do not see an issue with the fictive kin. In fact, they sound absolutely *wonderful* and if I have to give Monkey to someone, I'm glad it is people who seem so great. Additionally, Monkey will have access to biological family (which was unknown before last Friday) which is GREAT also. I have a problem with the system though and Monkey is the one going to pay for how lousy it is. Because they didn't find and plan for a plan B in the first place....Because they didn't tell the fictive kin what they have to do in order to get Monkey so they aren't even starting the process til next month...Because the ICPC process takes incredibly long....Because EVERYTHING takes so incredibly long....Monkey sadly has lost her biological parents because of their choices and how they are. Then Monkey lost her family as placement due to unforeseen circumstances.Now Monkey has a wonderful home with a family who absolutely adores her. She has progressed beautifully with our help. We have been so blessed by having her. But she is going to lose us also, at a very inopportune time in her development.See, we all see that it is harmful for kids to be removed from their parents, but we do it because it is MORE harmful to leave them with their parents for whatever reason. Removal from their first home is not something we take lightly because we understand it is problematic. For some reason, it doesn't seem that people understand that taking kids from the home they've been loved in for 6, 12, 18, 24 months is also an issue. Here, there seems to be NO transitions regardless of where they are going or if they know the people. They are whisked away, never to see the people they've known as their parents again. Now, sometimes, they DO know the people they are going to (parents, close family members, people who had visits). That won't be the case for Monkey. A worker (likely not her caseworker) will pick her up, go on a plane with her, and deliver her to her new family. She won't know where mommy and daddy and sissy who she shares a room with are. This same kid who screamed all night in a hotel room WITH us is just supposed to go be some stranger's daughter.The same is likely true of the OP's child. She will have little to no transition and supposed to fill some role while wondering where mommy disappeared to after 13 or 15 or 18 months. How on earth is that good for her?No, the family members aren't horrible. The system shouldn't be set up in the way it is so that children are ripped away from their daily family after many months. The system shouldn't be so incredibly slow about getting kids where they need to go. And I absolutely, the second I get the chance if I get it, will fight for Monkey, because if it gets to that point, it is MORE than in her best interest to be here than ripped away (honestly, I believe it is in her best interest now). It isn't anything against the fictive kin or any other family. We are her daily family. We are the ones who love her second by second through boo-boos, through physical therapy, through her first steps, through her first words, through pictures, through bottles and sippy cups, through first cupcakes, through every second of every day. We are the ones here for her. She is our daughter and we are her parents on a day to day basis. Again, I have never had this situation. We don't simply hope every child who walks through our door is our forever kid. We respect RU with bioparents, family members, etc. We have sent 13 kids on in the last 17 months. It hurts, but we believe every single one of them was how it was supposed to be at the time (whether we thought it ideal or not). I simply don't believe the same about Monkey. I don't believe these fictive kin, after she's been here 5, 8, 13 months is best for her. But I reiterate, I don't think the fictive kin are horrid. I do wish they had been more proactive, but....But they aren't horrid.

It is not that I hate the family. Don't take it like that. I send pics almost every day. We let her babble on the phone. She has never missed a visit and are open with them and do everything in our power to include them. They love the child just did not or can not care for her. No one was in her life until foster care and they were not interested until the subject of free money entered the discussion.

Both my sister and I fought family placements for our long term fost/adopt children. One was a valid family member with an approved homestudy and one was a fictive kin with an approved homestudy. In both cases the children had been in each of our fost adopt homes for over 9 months. We hired a lawyer both times and won both times, so my sister and I are legal adoptive parents of both of our foster adopt babies. We have an open relationship with the family and all is working out great. In my sister's case the family was fine, just came forward WAY too late and eventually ended up adopting the subsequent sibling. In my case the family NOT appropriate and it is GREAT that we fought them as they ended up being really really messed up, however, I still send pic anonymously. I say if the family comes forward too late in the game its time to fight, you can always have an open relationship with them, but I think the best interest of the child is to stay with the only parent they have ever known especially if they have been in your care that long and they are that young. Its really damaging to move a child from their home...in fact life altering just for a blood relation.

look at the admin code in your state. in ohio , you have 30 days to file a motion in dispute of the dusruption decision. it won't be received well, but you have the right to provide the court with a "brief" as to why you disagree. Your brief should be strictly facts, not opinion or emotional pleas....

look at the admin code in your state. in ohio , you have 30 days to file a motion in dispute of the dusruption decision. it won't be received well, but you have the right to provide the court with a "brief" as to why you disagree. Your brief should be strictly facts, not opinion or emotional pleas....

I can't remember if you came forward for the child on day one that the child was placed into temp. custody. I'd ask to be put on the visitation list and like I said, work feverishly and as quickly as possible to expedite your license. Ask for 2-3 hours of visitation by writing the court regularly, document all the training and paperwork that you've taken care of and SHOW THEM how serious you are about getting licensed! remember: he who hesitates is lost.

There was only one child we wanted to fight for. She was with us from birth to 15 months then again from 22 to 26 months. Plan was TPR and adoption until the end when she went home. We were devistated. When she came back into care with her baby sister, we kind of thought it was "meant to be". Turns out it was not as relatived came forward this time. They were already foster parents in another state. We were going to fight KNOWING we would lose but chose not to for two main reasons: 1) We had another baby in our home at the same time who we were in the process of adopting and we were afraid of DCFS retaliation, and 2) while we ADORED our girl, we knew we didn't have a leg to stand on for her sister and we knew the girls needed to be together. So, we didn't fight. All this said... the family is awesome, we just took a family vacation to their home this month and got in lots of hugs, snuggles and Mommy's from the girls. :) They are a two-dad family so it felt really really good to play Mommy for a few days to their little girls. They accept that we adore the girls, they are not threatened by it in the slightest and we really feel like extended family now. Honestly, had we fought them... I hate to think of not having a relationship with them today!!

We are in TX. We fought the system and won. We had baby girl in our home from birth till nearly age 2. CPS decided to move her in retaliation. We filed an emergency restraining order and a petition to be named her managing conservators. They were SO pissed. Eeek. It was a scary couple of weeks. In the end we were granted managing conservatorship and because her biological parents had already been TPR'd, we were able to consent to our own adoption. Here are the cons: It cost us several thousand dollars to fight Baby girl lost the subsidy she was entitled too (including free medical care, adoption support, college tuition, etc) We would do it again in a heartbeat. Fortunately her health issues were mild and we have insurance that will cover them. We were also blessed to have family that helped us cover some of the legal fees. Our agency wasn't thrilled with us either. If we had chosen to continue on as foster parents, I have a feeling we wouldn't have gotten any placements.

Where I live, we were told that after a year, the CW would not recommend the kids leave our home for any relative, that the bond they had with us at that point was too important to be broken. They also told us that the relatives had all declined and that if they changed their mind at that point, they would be too little too late...

Of course, just because a CW won't recommend it, doesn't mean a judge won't make it happen.

ICPC is ridiculous! We tried to get hubby's cousin's youngest back in October when the kids came into custody...gma took the two older kids (shed had them once before) but couldn't handle the baby. The workers in CO wouldn't move him to KS (even tho we are a licensed FH) to be with a relative placement. Now, he is set to have PRT and we told the cw in CO that as long as the current ff was planning to keep him (he is bonded and thriving there plus gets to see gma, gap, bro, & sis), we wouldn't fight it, but if for any reason he was going to be moved, we wanted him ASAP! He is less than 3 months older than Boogie, but we could raise them as twins, kinda...

We did and we won. There was an approved ICPC for family out of state. He'd been through hell already and he had never met them. He was two years old and we had him since birth. As soon as tpr happened, we hired a lawyer we had been talking to. We got added as parties and the family was ruled out at the post terminatuon hearing, and the case was set for adoption. The GAL wanted him moved because he was mixed race, and things he should be in an AA family. I would advise NOT using an attorney who knows all the other child welfare attorneys. We hired one an hour and a half away because we didn't trust anyone or their quid pro quo relationships.

Foster parents can represent trauma and they may just want the kids to move on and move forward with their lives, putting foster care behind them and that unfortunately, includes foster parents. They have their own ideas on how to protect the children and we have to look at it from their perspective. We don’t have to like it, but do have to accept and respect it.