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I received my Illinois OBC in April, and was able to locate my bmom online very quickly due to her distinctive name. Over the last few months i've sent a number of emails thanking her for life and letting her know that i'm open to communication. I've included some photos of me and my kids, figuring she'd like to see them. i sent he a Facebook friens request, no answer. I've read some excerpts of The Girls Who Went Away, and i can only imagine what she must have gone through. My heart goes out to her, and i've love to thank her personally. i have no idea what to do.
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You would think that, but from personal experience there are too many factors to list that might explain why she is unable / unwilling / just plain hasn't made contact with you. My initial expectations were that my b-mom would either reject all contact with me or we'd have one of those teary eyed reunion TV show moments. As it turned out neither one happened because life is much more gray than black and white.
Was the Christmas card returned for any particular reason on the envelope? Moved? Forwarding order expired? Or was it something where someone just wrote "Return to Sender" on the envelope and that was that?
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If she didn't write on the envelope then I would hazard a guess that the snail mail address you have is no longer valid for her and the forwarding order at the post office has expired. Usually if something gets returned for such a reason it comes back with one of those really attractive yellow stickers from the post office saying "Forwarding Order Expired" or something similar.
You could try a registered letter but if you have an old address that would also be returned. Some email programs like Outlook have the option of attaching a confirmation receipt of sorts to the email that would indicate its delivery to the recipient email server or that it was viewed by the recipient so that might be helpful.
Or if the snail mail addresses are in a county (like mine) that happens to list sale and ownership transactions as a matter of public record online, you could do a search on that street address. It wouldn't tell you if she is actually living there, but if you determine that the address is no longer in her name as of X date then it might be a confirmation that your Christmas card was returned due to a move. Food for thought anyway.
Best,
PADJ
One thing that really bugs me is that there seems to be no way to be reasonably sure of a current snail mail address or phone number. All the "free people search" sites are not free at all- typing a name into the search window is free, but the results are behind the pay wall. There's not much sense in paying blindly for information that I either incorrect or that I know already.
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Well that's a little more problematic to figure out what's going on. I would take that USPS label to mean essentially the same thing as someone writing "return to sender" on the envelope. Sorry my grand suggestion didn't work out better!
I can think of two possibilities: either the address is good and it's a "return to sender" scenario like I mentioned above, or she did move and the forwarding address is now expired. Unfortunately I don't know of a good way to tell just by the USPS.
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Congratulations! I too have been reunited for only a few months with both my bmother and bfather...and found I have 7 half-siblings! It's been an incredible! We haven't yet met in person but I look forward to that day. The "knowing", as much of a roller-coaster as it is...brings me great peace. I hope you find that too.
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flop, if I may share some thots.First I would not base any actions on what the Postal Service does. I have had to hand deliver letters with a valid address after they were returned.Secondly, I would suggest that in your contact with birth mom that all your contact is open. Keep your contact confined to your thots without requiring any obligation on her part. e.g. "Mom, wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday and many more. Love," etc.This lets her know you want more, but puts her under no obligation to respond. The ball is in her court.I would use this format for birthdays, holidays, or just notes, "thinking of you," at other times.It may take her a while to respond. There are no time limits.Sometimes, by placing an obligation on someone to respond can anger. There is no way for you to know that she is interested in responding but isn't ready.I wish you the best.