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We will finalize our adoption in a few weeks. The kids have a bio aunt that they still have contact with. The contact is at our discretion, but I think it's good for them to have that connection. So recently while the kids were skyping with her one of my bios walked across the background. The aunt says "Is that your sister coming in?" My STBAS says "yes," then the aunt says something like "Oh, not YOUR sister." It struck a nerve with me.
They are all brothers and sisters. I am willing to let her be part of our extended family, but that means part of our whole family - not just the children we are adopting. Obviously, she will have a different relationship with them, but they are not just living with us. They are our children, our bios siblings!
So when do I have a conversation with her about what my expectations are in this sort of open adoption? We've already laid ground rules about skyping/phone calls, pictures, and general information that I don't want their BM having. But if she's going to visit that brings all new things. She is used to picking them up at the last ffh and taking them to a hotel for a weekend. That's not how things will work now. I guess I'm not even sure what my expectations are. Anny advice?
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if it helps, this problem can exist even in the AP's family (it did in mine :p )
Typically, it seems to come more from ignorance than it does malice. thats good; ignorance can be addressed.
I would definitely sit down and explain that its important to the kids' emotional health to be surrounded by people who support their new family.. and to have a buffer from those who do not.
The specific types of nonsupporting comments are ones that don't support the new family structure..
Siblings ARE siblings
APs ARE parents
Wishing the AKs are still with their BPs
Stressing blood over actual families
etc, etc
good luck
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