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Greetings. My wife and I are strongly considering adoption, while we are older in your 40s we have come that time in our life that we would like to have children. What I have been told is that we can not be licensed as long as someone with "Dependency issues" are in the house. My Mother-In-Law is living with us while she is recovering from alcoholism. She is now 7 months clean. I was told that she could be in the house if she has been clean for 20 or more years. Does anyone know if this is correct or not?
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It is probably different depending on how you are licensed. In my state there are state rules and then if an agency licenses you,they may have additional rules. In my state, I think it unlikely that you could be licensed. I think the main concern would be that 7 months is nothing in terms of being clean and historically people are likely to fall off the wagon frequently in the first several years. That type of behavior would be very negative to any foster children and if you had your MIL's behavior to deal with and the foster children, it would be too much and someone would lose out. Many agencies/states do not allow adult family members to live in the home unless they are able to be licensed too because although they might not be a parent, they would within the home environment function in a parental capacity.
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I have heard 2 years from a couple of people in my area - I'm wondering if the person who said 20 could have just misread it somehow? As others have said, anyone in the home needs to pass the homestudy, and I would guess she would be unlikely to do so. Also, with the support and encouragement she probably needs from you at this point, this may not be the best time for you to add a child (who likely has some needs beyond the ordinary as well).
I think you may have a hard time getting licensed after only 7 months clean. I'm sure many people on these boards could tell you stories of their kids' bio-parents being clean for 7 months or longer and then falling off the wagon. It's great that your MIL is in recovery and 7 months is a big accomplishment, but I don't think long enough to be certain of long-term success.Plus, keep in mind that many early-stage recovering addicts revert back to their addictions during times of stress. Being a foster parent is stressful! Even more so if your desire is to adopt as there are a lot of emotional risks involved. You have the stress of dealing with kids who have been abused/neglected/exposed and may have behavioral, emotional, or medical issues as a result; the stress of dealing with a system that oftentimes does not make sense and is not fair; and possibly the stress of losing a child that you love deeply to RU into a bad situation. It is a lot for anyone to handle, but especially someone in the early stages of recovery. Even though she would not actually be the foster parent, she is bound to feel the stress of it all.
Many thanks for all the replies. While I agree that 20 years is a bit long, that was what was told to me. And I agree 7 months will not cut it. As far as the MIL, my wife and I are not getting younger and we have put our life on hold so many time for other family members, so it is time for them to support us rather then us supporting them.
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brvoltz
Many thanks for all the replies. While I agree that 20 years is a bit long, that was what was told to me. And I agree 7 months will not cut it. As far as the MIL, my wife and I are not getting younger and we have put our life on hold so many time for other family members, so it is time for them to support us rather then us supporting them.