I'm a bit stumped. For the most part, I think L is pretty well behaved. She's an 'only' and has all the attention so sometimes I think she milks it, but she also is stubborn and likes independence.
Lately however, she has NOT been following directions and gives me a smile or does a "la la la" rolls eyes as to not look at me when I'm talking to her about listening and smiles and laughs like it is funny.
Yes we are settling down from me being gone for the honeymoon, but she does this sometimes at school too. If she is well behaved at school or when we are out, I could handle that and know she is testing me at home...but now it's just happening at other places.
My mom of course thinks it's a parenting issue and that I don't enforce rules (I do and use time outs with her) and that I'll have an out of control teenager if I keep this up.
is this a normal girl stage that I just have to keep on top of, any parenting tips or resources you can point me to? Sometimes the stubbornness and the passive giggling "not going to do what you want me to do" is for everything and is really testing me.
Hang in there, keep up your consistency. Maybe add early bedtime for x number of instances in a day--since she cannot act appropriately, she must not be getting enough sleep. :)
I echo the earlier bedtime.
In my experience there are so many behavior issues that can be avoided if a child is properly rested.
I always found three to be a very challenging age. Good luck.
Ditto on the sleep suggestion.
Here is my suggestion:
I would also encourage you to not give the negative to much attention. You can praise the good behavior.
She is testing your reaction. If your reaction is negative or positive it is still giving her the attention she is craving.
If her behavior is minor/moderately bad I would just not address it all and give her tons of attention when her behavior is even slightly good. She should soon see that positive behavior gets attention.
For example, the giggling and little comments I would ignore. Move on to something else, no attention at all. ignore her for a few minutes then talk to her like it never happened.
I really doubt she will continue doing it if it doesn't get a reaction.
On the flip side, when she does something good, however minute praise her. If she smiles nicely or plays nicely with a toy, make a deal about it. Tell her how much you love her smile and how pretty she looks when she smiles. Or how you really like seeing her taking such good care of her toys, such a good girl.
She's making a big adjustment lately, too. I think it would be pretty normal for her to be acting up a bit, even if she loves S. Even good changes have their challenges.
When DJ does this, I make him sit down and tell him he can get up as soon as he is calm and ready to listen. I stay close by and wait. It usually doesn't take him more than a few second to stop the giggling and silliness. But he's also a little older than L.
Everyone talks about the terrible two's, but I honestly always found 3 to be harder. I called them the tantruming 3's.
Kids at this age are finding their "independence" and boundaries. They have discovered a little autonomy from mom, and they want to see what buttons they can push, if they can manipulate you, what boundaries stay in place, etc and so on. So yes, part of this is her age.
It is very important that she have appropriate consequences to reign her in, all with love and consistentcy of course. Being consistent is half your battle.
Let her know that her choice to behave in a certain way means that she has an earlier bed time, or cannot attend a certain activity...whatever it is. Reinforce that her choices are directly related to her outcomes. It isn't that YOU are in power and control so much as SHE is guiding choices. It's very important kids start learning that concept/outcome during early development years.
Make sure she has some choices and is empowered as that's what part of this is about, but make sure any choices are simple and things that you can live with. It can be as simple as "Do you want Corn Flakes or Cheerios"? It isn't "what do you want for breakfast" or "Do you want cereal"...just small empowering choice. "Do you want to wear pink or purple"? Little things that can help avoid power struggles while still setting appropriate boundaries.
What? Batting my eyes, smiling, and giggling doesn't get me what I want? What if I cry? Stomp my foot? Oooh...I know...I'll flush Mommy's phone down the toilet!;)
Whichever method gets a kid what they want or think it will get them there, they'll use. Just keep being consistent and I promise you will not have an out of control teenager. It's not a parenting's a growing up and always pushing the boundaries to see what works and doesn't work issue. Stop listening to your mother. NOW. :cowboy: :p
thank you all. One parenting/positive discipline book says it all, Once you have a well behaved child because of hard work and consistency, you'll have to start over again because a new age/stage rolls in.....
LOL. Parenting is hard work!
((((( Dannie )))))
I have complete faith in your parenting skills, Dannie. I think Tigger's just acting out a bit after the wedding. It's just going to take some time for everything to settle back down. If Tigger wasn't acting out a tad, I'd probably actually be worried about her!
You have an extremely gifted and talented daughter, Dannie. Gifted kiddos can be a joy one minute...and also a nightmare from time to time. Hang in there, my friend. You're doing just fine!! :loveyou:
thank you.
For example....her preschool teacher has approached me this week about the giggle/eyerolling/not following directions this week and asked me to talk to her about it at home.
Basically she has found out that adults react to her saying the potty words poopoo and when asked to do something she says Poopoo and laughs and runs away. :( . The thing is, yes I've been doing the positive talking and trying to get her to use other words that don't get on the teacher's nerves, but it seems to reinforce the behavior as gxr mentioned.....calling attention to it because she gets attention.
Seems like a small thing, I just don't want that to be the daily report at school with no improvement. Thoughts?
I think our kids around the same age.. J will be 3 in Feb. When we ask him to do something he usually says no (in a sing song voice and laughs). I think the key with him is to even him two choices. Do you want to brush your teeth or wash your face, first? He feels like he is in control and you get both accomplished. Also it's hard but try not to use want...I make this mistake do you want to go to bed?--of course not. So it's do you want to read a book and then go to bed or sing a song and go to bed?
Also I agree sleep is so important. He is a wild child when he starts getting tired. I would try and move up your bed time routine earlier.
<<Basically she has found out that adults react to her saying the potty words poopoo and when asked to do something she says Poopoo and laughs and runs away. . The thing is, yes I've been doing the positive talking and trying to get her to use other words that don't get on the teacher's nerves, but it seems to reinforce the behavior as gxr mentioned.....calling attention to it because she gets attention.>>
I made the mistake of laughing when J farted on the potty. Now he farts/or makes farting noises all the time. He says I farted and laughs. I've now tried to ignore it but I'm sure he is getting positive reenforcement from his friends at daycare. Oh well this too shall pass.
It has been a few years since I have been around 3 year olds so this may not be completely age appropriate, but...
What if you tried explaining that while peepee and poopoo are not "bad" words, we don't say them at school because they make some people uncomfortable.
That way if she will stop saying it at school and only say it at home, you can ignore it and without the reaction those words will no longer hold the appeal.
Dannie I think that it may just also be testing new boundaries with all the change.... I feel like that's something I would do... I mean heck I still do it.... You should see the fits I throw even now when I don't get my way to test and see how far I can go with it until I get my way. (this may be why I don't date)
I also feel like it could just be trying to see if things are going to be the same now that there are two parents... There is a good change you little one is exceptionally bright and seeing if she can work you two against one another :)~
My son will completely ignore me (or try to!!!). I will give him a direction, then count. If I get to 3 before he obeys, he sits in time out...he HATES sitting in time out.
Example: I tell him "M, come brush your teeth." He ignores me because he is busy. I count...he usually comes by the number 3. This way, I ignore his negative behavior and HE has the choice- come brush his teeth or sit in time out.
I think ignoring in a boy may be equivalent to giggling for a girl.
Good luck...3 is a tough age!!!