Thanksgiving 2012 and huge family

I have been in a wonderful reunion with my birthfamily for the past year. I have learned so much. My mom and I have a wonderful connection, we are exactly the same in almost every way. I always imagined she and i would be very different people. Also for the past year, due to completely un-involved events, my adoptive family and I have not spoken. We have been very distant for some years now. This Thanksgiving I am not sure what to do. My mom and her boyfriend have invited me, my husband, and our son to their home in Cali for the holiday with her whole side of the family. (My dad is in a different area and they dont talk) I am not sure what my adopted familys plans for thanksgiving are but I can pretty much guarantee we wont be included. We were not last year for thanksgiving or christmas, or any other holiday this year. I am thinking of doing thanksgiving with my mom and her side of the family, but a part of me cant help but feel as though my adopted family would push me away even further. Story of me and my adopted family and why things are the way they are: My mother took complete control of my wedding and did it how she wanted and ignored all our wishes and my husbands side of the family. My adopted family completely alienated his family without taking the chance to get to know any of them. My mother is a controlling narcissist and has been for many years. Last year I stood up to her and tried to express how she makes me feel, like any child should be able to do with their parent, and in doing so, i was horribly marked as a black sheep and everyone turned their backs on me. I want to feel free to love my birth family and be loved by them just as much, without thinking about or feeling guilty for it because of my adopted family. I was the one taken by the state and my parents fought tooth and nail to not lose me, in the end they were allowed to place me with the two people who raised me. I was almost 3 when adopted. Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on what I should do for the holiday? What may be a smart safe option? Also, my families live in two states, birth family in north cali and adopted in north new mexico. So going from one to the other to be with both (if im even invited to adopted familys) isnt an option.