Heavey Heart

Like the other women have said... you are not alone!! Our dd is now 5 months old and this was a major issue for me. Our agency had me talk w/ birthmom every week for 3 months so I felt very attached to her. For the most part during the match... I was worried about her health and the match itself and then as soon as soon as the day came to sign the papers those emotions hit me like brick. I was not prepared for them at all! I had a hard time checking out of our hotel and boarding that plane back home without her being heavy on my heart and tears. I would say for the first few months i had moments where it was very difficult. She was constantly on my mind. Would see her when I would like at my daughter and etc. Something that helped me was 2 months after the birth I wrote a pretend letter to her where I could let out all of my emotions and say everything I wanted to say without be gaurded or worried about being to emotional for her. Though i knew this letter was never going to be sent it helped. Also, at our 2 month update she replied back to my email and said she was doing good with a smily face. Those words meant a lot. She also has a son who is exactly a year older then my daughter minus a week. So that provokes some emotions too. Personally, I dont think adoption agencies prepare you enough for this part of adoption. All, I can say is that their is a grieving aspect to this part of adoption for the ap's and that with time it does get better :)