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ive been posting a lot about my 14 yr old son.
He was hospitlaized recently for threats on killing us.
He states we are not his parents and really doesnt want to live here anymore.
I finally said to him, "fine, Ill be really sad, but ill call DCF tomorrow."
I cant believe i said that, but im so tired of his behavior and cruel statements.
I love him so much, but if he wants to leave that bad, then maybe he needs to find our that the grass is not always greener side.
anyway, has anyone ever actually called and asked them to put their child in foster care till he wants to come back home?
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yes, we adopted him 10 yrs ago, he had 'issues' but nothing we couldnt handle. He attached to us and was so affectionate and loving.
I know the last few years have been tough for him due to being found out he was severly dyslexic and had to go to a different school.
While in the hospital he did state in group that he did love us and took SOME responsiblity for what got him there.
I know puberty is hard and i know he is going through his identity stuff now (normal stuff) but when you add on the crap ofhis earlier life, adoption issues, etc. it must be really hard.
Ive been looking at 'empowering parents', has anyone tried this?
the philospophy is 'no execuse for abuse' and the premise is that the teens have no developed the skill to handle their issues.
We are in the same situation and I would be glad to talk to you if you PM me. Let me tell it will be NO bed of roses for your family. We are looking at losing our subsidy and paying a huge amount of child support. But I Understand how you are feeling and would MORE than happy to support you through this difficult decision.
I have a daughter who is 17 years old and she will be 18 in January. She has autism and we have talked to my doctors(because of stress and anxiety) and her doctors and have come to the conclusion that we can no longer take care of her. I am looking for an adult adoption or for her to be put with a family or long term health care facility that is willing to take on the task of working with an 18 year old with autism. I am all over the internet trying to find out what I need to do to make this happen legally. There are many more details to this "story" but I just want to see if anyone has any leads on what I can do to make this happen!!
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sassafras
We are in the same situation and I would be glad to talk to you if you PM me. Let me tell it will be NO bed of roses for your family. We are looking at losing our subsidy and paying a huge amount of child support. But I Understand how you are feeling and would MORE than happy to support you through this difficult decision.
perplexed:
I am looking for an adult adoption or for her to be put with a family or long term health care facility that is willing to take on the task of working with an 18 year old with autism.
if she is 18, she is legally an adult. She should qualify for group home living with nurses and staff to support her.
It just seems like you might be creating more work for yourself looking for an 'adult adoption'.
She would also be eligible for social security which the group home would manage for her.
this could be different from state per state, but i know with my older son, who has an IQ of 55, will mostly be going to a program (of our choosing) to help him with daily living stuff.
Um who would you be paying child support too?
since saf is responsible for her kids, she might need to pay child support to whomever is taken care of them.
I could be wrong, but i could see that happening as i know with if one parent has the child the other parent has to pay for child support. I am assuming the same thing.
Plus saf will lose the subsidy as the kids are out of her house and the subsidy is meant for the work she has to do with the kids, if there are no kids, then there is no work. Even though thats not true.
Jamaica- Many states are now enforcing child support on parents who have their child put into foster care both voluntarily and involuntarily. It is the states way of attempting to make up some of the money they are paying out for the child's care. Perplexed- I agree finding an adoptive home is probably not the best option for your daughter. I would look into group homes. I worked as a residential supervisor to an independent living facility for young adults 18-25 like your daughter. These were state run and state funded programs. Please PM me if you want more information or suggestions. Sloane- Please make sure you will not be charged with child abandonment before you decide to put him back into care. I have heard stories of families who have actually been charged with abandonment in your situation.
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waited, i know that at least some of the parents of some of my fks have been assessed child support. they may not actually PAY it, but it's assessed.
because many of us receive an adoption subsidy, the state can take that back. they also can charge child support that's higher than our subsidies.
To the state. No one seems who is wagging the tale on this dog. The DCF worker out of the adoption office says they are going to recommend to child support enforcement that we surrender our subsidy and pay NO child support. Our court appointed attorney seems to think the judge sets it. No one knows! My friend who is divorced says yes the judge sets it but it's really up to child support enforcement case worker what happens from there. It just makes NO sense!
Greenrobin... I wonder if they charge child support for foster children, like they do with divorced parents; the parents still see the children, and/or have some parental rights. But, then if parental rights are severed, child support is not charged? I'm just wondering out loud, here. (And, thank you, I didn't know that parents of foster kids had to pay child support.)
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Yes and adoptive parents should be treated differently but are not. But our state garnishes your paycheck so you will pay. Like I said our DCF worker out of a diff office said we will surrender the day it goes other planned lliving arrangement and not integration and they are recommendin we do NOT pay support but our attorney seems to think we will. We are giving the state back $500 do they really need to assess more.
We can't sever our rights. OUr lawyer says they would just drag it out a year until she turns 18.