Advertisements
Quick background - never actually adopted, as he refused. Had him from age 14 (so not young), a few years in between where he distanced himself from us, but then came back after deciding birth family was too toxic to deal with. He's moderately Attachment Disordered. He's a serial monogamist - always living with some girl or other until they break up with him and he moves right on to the next one. He's very clingy and needy with them and always madly in love. Pregnancy scares with last two. Has been with current one for 9 months (I suspect the pregnancy scares are deliberate - my suspicion is that he desperately wants a child to love him). Now they are really pregnant - due next summer. Unfortunately they live 5 hours away, and although he wants to move closer, I agree with him that he probably shouldn't - birth family still around here and all his old "past" that haunts him - where he is now he finally has a steady job and a decent place to rent. How best to help him? And what kind of parent does an AD child become? I don't think he has a CLUE about raising a baby properly, and I don't know his girlfriend at all to know if her family is decent and can help out. Really worried about this!
Like
Share
I'm sure those with more experience will chime in - sometimes the weekends can be quiet. Can you see if there is a parenting class you could offer to pay for? And perhaps whatever they call Lamaze classes these days? Perhaps as as Christmas gift although you would have to make sure they fit in their schedule. That to me would be a great starting place to learn how to parent and what to expect at birth. Kind regards,Dickons
Advertisements
I have two attachment disordered (in my opinion they were never diagnosed for one reason or another) relatives that went on to become parents. They are not good parents because they focus so much on themselves and their needs instead of the needs of the children. They became decent (Not good, loving parents but not neglectful) parents with some parenting classes and deciding they wanted to parent decently if that makes sense. They still used the children as pawns in head games with relatives and their partners. :( I believe my relatives like your son had their children so someone would love them and that they could hold on to their partners. It is almost if they think they are pets or living dolls. The problems come when the kids are difficult.
Hopefully, your son can take parenting classes to know how he's supposed to respond to a child's needs. Hopefully the girlfriend and her family do not have the same issues and can do much of the heavy lifting of the parenting.
I hope I wasn't a Debbie Downer. I'm raising two of my relatives who's mother I believe is attachment disordered. This may have influenced my answer. Their mother is now parenting another child. With a lot of support from her husband and his family it is going ok.
I think that even though people have certain experience, it might be different for your son.
If he is interested in moving closer he may actually have more attachment than you are giving him credit for.
I really would just be really supportive and see them as often as you can. I would also take a little time to get to know the girl. You may feel better seeing them together.
Having a baby changes people and people rise to the occasion. If he really wants a child he may be ready to rise up and be a dad.
