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I have two children and I'm a full time nursing student. My fiance(father of both children who I've known for 9 years, have been with for five and engaged to for almost 2)is employed and has been at one place for a year and half. He's been steadily employed for 3 years(hard to do in our home state of Michigan). But it is still very hard to provide for the two kids we have. We've made the decision to put the child I'm pregnant with, obviously unplanned(birthcontrol failure)up for adoption.
I thought this would be an easy decision. It was for a while. I was going to avoid telling my parents because even though they adopted me, they are strictly opposed to giving up your own children. I'd just avoid the topic and play phone tag for a couple days this coming May. But my mother is my very best friend and knowing that she doesn't support my decision, or wouldn't, is hard. It's actually very...hurtful. I can't broach the subject with her because as it's been brought up before with other children, mine and my other siblings with their children and shot down harshly-its off the table if I want to be welcome.
I'm hoping that by coming to a forum site I can find people to talk to other than my fiance that will provide the support that I can't find other wise. Other than the adoption professionals. They're wonderful but they're paid to be.
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Chickennoodlemom, sorry that you feel you are going through this alone.
I am an adoptee, not a bmom, but I was living with my bmom when she made the decision to relinquish my four younger sisters (She would take me with her to meet with prospective a-parents for my sisters b/c she wanted to see what they were like with kids).
She didn't tell her parents or extended family about the adoptions for reasons similar to yours.
But it really is impossible to keep something like this a secret forever. One slip of a tongue over dinner and her father (who later adopted me and my other sister) found out. He was furious and very hurt, not because she gave the girls up, but because she never told him about it.
Luckily, he found out before the girls came to find us (all of them sought reunion), otherwise the shock of finding out about them at reunion might have given him a heart attack.
Deciding to relinquish is a difficult decision, and one that you may re-tread for the rest of your life (I know my b-mom has-- she didn't carry those girls for nine months, she has carried them for 26 years). It is highly unlikely that your parents will never find out, and part of making this difficult decision is figuring out how to tell those close family members about your decision.
Good luck, you are in my thoughts.
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I am an adopted adult and a first mom both. I was adopted at birth and placed my son into an open adoption close to 9 years ago.
I didn't tell my parents about Kiddo at first either. He was about one and a half when I finally got brave enough to tell. It was super hard and I wish I would have told them sooner. They would have been supportive. I, personally, was afraid of disappointing them and that they wouldn't love me anymore. Turns out I was WAY wrong.
It was hard to keep things a secret as long as I did. Tack on that really, your child has a right to know his or her family, and that finding the may really cause problems down the road.
Lastly, and I'm not trying to change your mind in any direction, please please, talk with someone about what kind of financial help you can get. I know times are tough, but placing a child for financial reasons may truly be something you regret forever and ever.
I wont pretend to understand your situation as I haven't lived with it. All I would 'say' is don't make this a final decision and wait till you've had your baby. A lot can happen between now and then. Only surrender if you're 100% certain. If you go ahead with it then please make sure you keep posting for support as you will have tough days. You know what it is to be a parent which will make this hard and you will need the support.
Ultimately this is your decision! Your parents will be upset at first but they WILL get over it and will hopefully support you in your decision! And you can always do open adoption so you and your parents can stay in contact and receive pictures and letters. Just be sure your 100% confident in your decision! Good luck!!
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