FAS and Video games

January 12, 2013

I posted this on the FAS Yahoo group but it's not getting much traffic these days so I'll re-post here.

Our son, now 9, was adopted at 6. His birthparents were very heavily into video games and had a complex gaming system with multiple screens set up in their home. Their gaming habit was a major contributor to the neglect of our son, so it's part of his history of abuse.

Fast forward to now. We have no video games and no TV in our home (except Netflix) but ds gravitates toward any screen anywhere like a moth to a flame. He'll stand behind someone and read what's on their computer screen, he's been known to go into someone' s home office and turn on the computer to access games or whatever web site he wants to see, he hounds me constantly to let him play games on my phone, and video games in a public setting like a restaurant make his eyes glaze over just looking at them. We took him to Chuck-E-Cheese for his birthday last year and he became frenzied and frantic--almost like he couldn't play the games fast enough to put more tokens in. His face was flushed, his hair was wet, and his eyes were wild. He became angry when it was time to leave.

Yesterday I took him with me to the laundromat. I made it clear before we went that I was not buying anything for him, so don't ask for any money. Less than 30 seconds after entering the laundromat he had discovered 2 video games and a vending machine and was asking me for quarters. I reminded him of our agreement of not buying anything and he went away for a while. But then, after searching the whole place, he found a dime on the floor and wanted to put it in the PacMan machine because the sign said it "accepts nickels, dimes, and quarters." I told him he needed more than one dime to make the game work. A little later I heard a loud bang at the video game, like someone kicked the machine. It was our ds who was "playing" the game. It was, in fact, just the repeating demo of the game that plays constantly until you put a quarter in, and ds was angry because it "kept beating" him. I'm still not sure if he understands that he wasn't actually playing the game!

So, in this day and age where nearly every child has some sort of video game or other electronic device, what can I do with this boy? He clearly can't handle any of that but it's everywhere and there's no escape from it. He's homeschooled so we can put up boundaries in his world for now, but I can't shelter him forever. I worry about what's going to happen when he does have access to computers and gaming devices without supervision.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Daisy

Barksum

January 12, 2013

What does he do well? Try to find something that he does well and put more attention and focus on that, perhaps. I have a couple who have a very difficult time not playing video games. When they play, it becomes An Issue - attitudes change, etc. Anyway, we find that lots of outdoor time helps. (It's below 10 degrees outside right now, but even so they did go out and go sledding today.) We've found that 'free play' vs. organized sports has worked well. Free play may include doing some organized games, but the rigidity and pressure of performing well with organized sports were not a good fit for some of ours.

Fresh air, large motor movement, preferably with some sort of weighty pushing/pulling has helped. One child likes to invent things - bird feeder, fort, dams on the little seasonal creek we have, designing 'roads' for his cars, etc. Legos has worked for another. Haven't figured out what to do for one of them...yet! :)

Nothing is a quick fix, and nothing works all the time. The video games continue to be a HUGE lure, but we try to limit, limit, limit. When they do play I try to avoid - like the plague!! - games like Halo. Racing, Angry Birds, strategy and problem solving games, puzzle games, all seem to be better than violent games.