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Not the baby - it's Firecracker who will be 6 in two weeks. I can't take another minute of it. He was on Concerta but was like a zombie so now he is on Focalin and all he does is cry. Basically anything that doesn't go exactly as he wants - he cries. And it is happening at school too. And the more he cries the more it wears on my patience. As of right now - if he cries he has to go to his room until he can stop. I would say he is spending 50% of his day in his room crying. I thought an automatic no matter what you are doing then you go to your room would stop the crying would work but it doesn't. I have tried helping him calm down but he can't in the moment. I have tried time outs while sitting with me and then he starts to cry if I look at him. He is in a therapy class at school that is supposed to help him but it isn't. My bio kids were not big on crying. Sure they tried but I would always say - "Cry harder and maybe I will change my mind." They would look at me, get mad and stop. (I have tried that with him too.) My kids just know that I NEVER give in on crying. I have asked him if crying has ever worked at our house and he acknowledges that it hasn't. But it works with his mom - and it is worse now that he is in care because she feels so guilty. I seriously feel like I am going to go over the edge...we have a follow up with the doctor to switch his meds but I just don't think there is going to be an answer - he is on his 3rd one (5 if you count changing the dosing) and nothing is really working. Anyone have a magic crying solution?
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ubringmejoy
I'm sorry i get angry when i read threads and i hear that children especially 6 yo are on medication.
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Thanks for all the advice...I am going with the meds...although other behavior is starting to get out of control too. I really think it just isn't helping him. We have a follow up in a few weeks. Hopefully we can make it until then. I might have to call the doctor if he continues to go downhill. Today on top of the crying, he is being very defiant. He missed a visit with mom this week which might be triggering that. He went into my son's room tonight, took his Hot Wheels Case and dumped the cars out and took it for his cars. Even after he got in trouble he continued to defend his behavior because he wanted it. I just wish we could get through to him but right now he doesn't seem to be processing anything.
Sounds like you do need a medicine change. I know, for sure, that the meds make my ds very defiant (ODD defiant). He gets so angry. Tonight, he was having a rage in his room, because I would not continue reading to him (he kept making noises on purpose, shining his light in my eyes and would not stop after repeated warnings). He raged for 1/2 hour, throwing everything at his door, etc. This was a mild one, and it's the first time he's done this on Metadate. And the Metadate's worn off by now. But I tend to think that the drugs somehow make him so tired. And when he's tired, he gets more defiant. Also, when he's hungry, he gets more defiant. I just don't know. It's all a puzzle. But you do probably need to talk with his doctor. And, for the anti-med person, I was also against putting my 4-year-old on meds. I went into the evaluation, set on trying everything else. Now I know that nothing will work without medication. When you have a child who needs help, you do what you need to to help him.
We have done talk therapy, stimulates, and not stimulates, neuro-feedback and diet. Talk therapy did nothing (but the therapist was not use to manipulative child with attachment issues) Stimulates work to a point, instead of a wild out of control, it made him grumpy and emotional and still somewhat wild, one made him OCD, that was weird :). Non-stimulates worked pretty well until they didn't, it like his body got use to it and then it did not work anymore, we switched to a different one with some improvement. I would highly recommend looking into Neuro-feedback, we started and have had the most improvement through this therapy.After 3 year of meds, we recently went off, I like to think it is the neuro-feedback program and we just found out he has major food allergies, and not allergies that show on his skin, but one that produces out of control behaviors, (disruptive, loud, tantrums, etc) We have been on a dairy and wheat free diet, since Nov. it has been very difficult. But for lunch we let him have Ice cream and now he is acting like he use to before bed time. I certainly do not have the answer for you but if in your gut you know this is not working for him, then keep trying something else. I use to be one that was not for young children on meds, then my five year old was getting in the car after school and screaming for an hour and throwing shoes at my head while I drove:(However I do not believe that meds, should change a child's personality. It should help them be the best they can be. best of luck
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On concerta, my daughter just shut down. Would not talk or even make eye contact. On the focalin, she cried and was very easily overwhelmed or upset. Adderall was a similar reaction to the focalin plus OCD-like behavior. We eventually decided to wean her off of meds and went with a combination of homeopathic remedy, diet modification, and behavior management tools. I don't know if that would work for everyone but for us, it seems to be working. She does school online though so she can break tasks into small chunks and move around whenever she needs to and such. Having a high iq child nearly fail a year at school because of behavioral issues was what triggered us to consider online school in the first place.
Loving4ward
Yea - I used to be anti-meds too. (although I certainly would never have told someone that they made a bad choice - it was just something I thought I would never do) But I had a little boy come to my home who at 5 did not know his alphabet, his colors, any numbers and who was violent, throwing major temper tantrums and basically out of control. I spent 8 months trying therapy, all the parenting techniques suggested by everyone under the sun and nothing worked. We got him evaluated and there was no doubt he is ADHD and possibly oppositional defiant but they didn't want to label that. So we put him on meds. It was not a decision I took lightly. I cried about it, prayed about, sought counsel from others and realized it was best for him. He is doing much better in school now and is learning his letters, numbers and colors and there is a possibility they might actually send him to 1st grade now - something they would have never considered before he started his ADHD meds.... So unless you have walked a mile in the shoes of someone dealing with a child like this - you can get off your high horse.
Loving4ward
Yea - I used to be anti-meds too. (although I certainly would never have told someone that they made a bad choice - it was just something I thought I would never do)But I had a little boy come to my home who at 5 did not know his alphabet, his colors, any numbers and who was violent, throwing major temper tantrums and basically out of control. I spent 8 months trying therapy, all the parenting techniques suggested by everyone under the sun and nothing worked. We got him evaluated and there was no doubt he is ADHD and possibly oppositional defiant but they didn't want to label that. So we put him on meds. It was not a decision I took lightly. I cried about it, prayed about, sought counsel from others and realized it was best for him.He is doing much better in school now and is learning his letters, numbers and colors and there is a possibility they might actually send him to 1st grade now - something they would have never considered before he started his ADHD meds....So unless you have walked a mile in the shoes of someone dealing with a child like this - you can get off your high horse.
ubringmejoy
Sorry you took offense to my OPINION about drugging a **** child. Giving a child who is 5, 6, 7 or 8 YO anti psychotic medications when their still growing and developing, in my OPINION is irresponsible, its child abuse and its the easy out. ADHD is NOT a biology disorder, itҒs ALL mental and the best way to address that is with discipline, rules, patients, therapy and love. But most foster parents (not all) these days arent willing to offer that, their not committed to these kids, you know it, I know it, and itҒs just easier for us to just label our kids ADHDӔ to justify putting them on prescription medication and not addressing the underlining issues. Most kids who enter into the foster care system are in good mental health prior to entering into CPS, but strangely by the time most are adopted, emancipated or aged out their so dependent on medication and havent develop or been taught any type of coping skills, so guess what? Thatґs why they act out the way they do. Its that simple. I was raised by old school parents, the kind who raised their kids with common sense and not with intellect, theirs a fundamental difference. so I guess when you say ғcome off your high horses I guess what you really mean is lower my parenting standards, sorry not going happen.
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I'm sorry that you are both suffering. I can only believe that the child has no control over the crying. You know I support you , and in this case I still do. I want to offer the perspective that there might not be a "discipline method" for drug-induced crying. I appreciate that you don't have 100% control over what the child takes medication-wize. Even us newbies know that there are FPs who've been written up for refusing to give FPs psych meds! Are you able to try a "Children's Hospital" ? Not sure if you are close to Dayton or Cleveland? To encourage you, I do know of a family who went through 3 different regimines with their FC and the 3rd blend of meds. worked. They changed docs and went to a Children's Hospital...
ubringmejoy
Sorry you took offense to my OPINION about drugging a **** child. Giving a child who is 5, 6, 7 or 8 YO anti psychotic medications when their still growing and developing, in my OPINION is irresponsible, it’s child abuse and its the easy out. ADHD is NOT a biology disorder, it’s ALL mental and the best way to address that is with discipline, rules, patients, therapy and love. But most foster parents (not all) these days aren’t willing to offer that, their not committed to these kids, you know it, I know it, and it’s just easier for us to just label our kids “ADHD” to justify putting them on prescription medication and not addressing the underlining issues. Most kids who enter into the foster care system are in good mental health prior to entering into CPS, but strangely by the time most are adopted, emancipated or aged out their so dependent on medication and haven’t develop or been taught any type of coping skills, so guess what? That‘s why they act out the way they do. It’s that simple. I was raised by old school parents, the kind who raised their kids with common sense and not with intellect, theirs a fundamental difference. so I guess when you say “come off your high horses” I guess what you really mean is lower my parenting standards, sorry not going happen.
I was raised by old school parents, the kind who raised their kids with common sense and not with intellect
OhioFosterMom
I'm sorry that you are both suffering. I can only believe that the child has no control over the crying. You know I support you , and in this case I still do. I want to offer the perspective that there might not be a "discipline method" for drug-induced crying. I appreciate that you don't have 100% control over what the child takes medication-wize. Even us newbies know that there are FPs who've been written up for refusing to give FPs psych meds! Are you able to try a "Children's Hospital" ? Not sure if you are close to Dayton or Cleveland? To encourage you, I do know of a family who went through 3 different regimines with their FC and the 3rd blend of meds. worked. They changed docs and went to a Children's Hospital...
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Loving4ward
Your are absolutely entitled to your opinion but you didn't give an educated one - you just judged me. And you still are. Your opinion is based on a non-drug exposed child raised from birth in a loving stable environment. And in my experience most kids do not enter foster care in a normal mental state...I would love to see the studies that back your opinion on that up. And of course they develop issues while in foster care - in our case we have a kid who is torn by his loyalty to his mom and the desire to live in the stable loving environment he has now seen. The difference is I DIDN'T raise him. I got him at 5 after he had been neglected by a mom on drugs for 5 years. And I spent 8 months trying YOUR way...and guess what...it didn't work. So I sought help from professionals. In your introductory thread you got very upset with people who gave you advise based on their EXPERIENCES...but you are attacking me on something you have no experience with. you seemed over your head in that thread but I didn't offer an opinion because I have never been a single foster parent or fostered teens. In my experience, foster parenting changes your opinions a lot and I have learned not to judge b/c I usually end up eating my words.
OhioFosterMom
I'm sorry that you are both suffering. I can only believe that the child has no control over the crying. You know I support you , and in this case I still do. I want to offer the perspective that there might not be a "discipline method" for drug-induced crying. I appreciate that you don't have 100% control over what the child takes medication-wize. Even us newbies know that there are FPs who've been written up for refusing to give FPs psych meds! Are you able to try a "Children's Hospital" ? Not sure if you are close to Dayton or Cleveland? To encourage you, I do know of a family who went through 3 different regimines with their FC and the 3rd blend of meds. worked. They changed docs and went to a Children's Hospital...