ICPC placement been approved for babygirl

Well not all family is unfit.

I don't know if this was directed at me, but I would never ever suggest that all family is unfit. Never.

I don't think any of us think that ALL family is crazy, drug addicts, etc. at least, in two years on here, I have never seen that sentiment. However, the reality is that there is a very high correlation within the close family unit of these things. The real problem with theses cases as I see it is lack of communication with the foster family. There is one member here who fought for ten months for placement of relative and longer for approval and the workers never told the foster family any of this so of course they bonded and after a year plus, thought they were the right placement for that child. Part of the ICPC process should be REQUIRING the relative to complete at least once a month, or more depending on distance, visitation with the child(ren) so as to establish a bond. This serves two purposes, the foster family knows about you, and perhaps gets to know you, and more importantly, the child gets to know you. Arguments to the effect of "this happened and everyone said it would be an issue and it is not because yadda, yadda, yadda," are faulty logic. You cannot disprove an argument simply by lack of evidence supporting it. You don't know that the child, in this case, might not be even better had they not gone through the loss or troubling situation. Not attacking you, just stating because this is an argument that is one of my biggest pet peeves. It is just like my other saying "I smoked and drank with you all and you turned out ok." I won't tell you how very wrong that statement is in relation to me and my sibs, but, it proves my point. Take me for example, I have a very high IQ, but I lack the discipline to be really good at any one thing, blame it on my ADD if you like. Maybe had my mother not smoked and drank while pregnant with me, I could have been the next Madame Curie. Anyhoo, I think it is great that you did FP training, and I think that would also be a great condition to put on relative placements for two reasons. It might weed put the fictive or extended kin who are only taking the kids to give back to the bios, it happens, and it would give them the necessary training that we get on how to deal with the problems that some of the children may have. I think it is ridiculous that CPS places children with relative caregivers with no access to the training we get on topics such as Drug exposed infants.

Oh no I was saying in general.

Good idea, in theory, but I don't see how it's practical. My niece is quite literally across the country from me. A week has never gone by her entire life that I have not spoken to her on the phone. She has visited me and I have visited her. Since she came into care, I have only been able to swing one trip out to see her and her parents objected so much that my attorney had to go to court to force it. Her GAL and SW didn't want me coming because they bought the parents' argument that it wouldn't be fair to the parents to let me see her more than they saw her (or they just didn't want a fight). Anyway, financially, given my attorney fees in her case, as well as other financial obligations, it has been difficult to try and get there again. I did finally just buy a ticket, but it has been a lot longer than a month since my last visit. Assuming our ICPC goes through by summer (highly doubtful at this point), if I went to see her monthly, it would cost me a minimum of $3,000 just for airfare, and then add in car rental, hotel, food. I just don't have that kind of money lying around (and I think we are solidly middle class). I do have excellent communication with her FPs (both this one and the one before) and there is never any doubt in anyone's mind how much I want her. Again, my situation is different because Niece is a teen. She can (and has) pick up the phone and call me. We can chat and catch up. How do you do that with an infant? How do monthly visits with an infant even help with bonding given their short memories? It really is a difficult thing to fashion a one-size-fits-all approach in these cases.

I should have specified young and or non verbal children. Obviously you can chat with older kids. There will always be caveats but what is important should be the child. Even if it is an infant, you'd be amazed how much they remember. And there could be other means of maintaining that bond using Skype, pictures, etc. the trauma a toddler experiences from being pulled from their primary "parent" of a year or more is far different than the same for a teen or very young infant.

Yeah I know...I just wish it was easier and faster for family to be screened completely and ICPC's to be completed. Ours took 11 months and we were involved early on in case. We had 2 visits because we had to fly from Fl to ID both times. It was hard. Our licensing only took 2 months from MAPP class, background checks, home study, etc...but they had us on the fast track. The ICPC is what took so darn long. I wonder if it's any better? Ours was 6 years ago.

I think agencies purposely dredge their feet

However, there are times when a family member looks okay on paper, but everyone knows they're not really okay. Those are the cases where the court is going to place with family because they're family... and the kiddo is going to end up back in care or with his own drug addiction or in jail.

I agree. It takes way too long! It isn't like we don't have computers and the Internet now! I think agencies purposely dredge their feet because A. They get more tax dollars for their state the longer they have a child, which means job security, B. they hope the bio parents can get it together because it looks better for their numbers if child is RU to bio parent, and C. Because it adds to the work of the county.

Also a good point on the communication/visit aspect. If you can't afford (or be bothered to get access to) internet or a cheap webcam, how are you going to care for a child? Distance is so last century! ;)

Also a good point on the communication/visit aspect. If you can't afford (or be bothered to get access to) internet or a cheap webcam, how are you going to care for a child? Distance is so last century! ;)

Also a good point on the communication/visit aspect. If you can't afford (or be bothered to get access to) internet or a cheap webcam, how are you going to care for a child? Distance is so last century! ;)

has anyone ever been through this,,,what is your advice??we've had baby girl for 10 months now. ICPC placement for grandparents from both states have been approved, they told me to expect her to be placed at court date. what are the chances that this is true. We wrote the judge a letter asking for adoption, is there a chance it could be considered?? could this be done the day of court?? :eyebrows: just want to make sure so we are preparing to let go, just venting for insite