Another AA hair question

Does it matter at this point considering all the other stuff he's been through? Maybe just the lotion and rubbing his head for comfort? I guess in my mind a lot would depend on how long he is with you and if he is going back to his bio-parent sooner or later? If you are feeling like it's a must, then I think I'd take him to a place that can handle doing the braids and dealing with a little one :) We keep our little guy's hair short as he doesn't like it being combed or brushed much. We figure he'll hit an age where it matters to him and then he'll be able to do the brushing etc. And frankly I think he looks great with his hair short. We have a softer brush that we use just to give him the idea and he seems to like that as it feels good on his head.

When my son's hair was longer I used the tangle teaser instead of a comb (still do, in fact, although we keep it short). He is much more cooperative with it. Also, before I put the coconut oil on I mist it a little with water then brush. coconut oil then brush again. cream, then brush again. He loves the squirt bottle, so that part has become a game, and brushing a little at a time keeps him from pulling away. He also likes to put some of the cream in his hair himself and brush along with me. Good luck!

My son was the same (still is at times). I used the tangle teezer for a while, but found it damaged his hair more and he hated it more. I put leave-on conditioner on after his bath at night; in the morning I get his hair very damp (either run it under the faucet or mist it REALLY well), then section it out. As I do each section with the wide-tooth comb I mist it again and then put argan oil on it, which I find detangles better than the coconut oil. I hold each section tight between my fingers so it doesn't pull while I detangle the ends, then get the tangles out of the roots. I have also started turning on a video while I detangle. I have always been dead-set against tv, movies, etc for little kids, but someone suggested it and it makes a huge difference. He will sit (relatively) contentedly on my lap for about 15-20 minutes each, which is generally enough.One thing I am noticing with him lately, though, is that the ends are getting split, and it gets more tangled and more uncomfortable. I need to get him in to get it trimmed. Your little guy may be having some of the same problem; is there some way you could talk to the social worker, if mom isn't cooperating and you feel that it is harming him, and see if there is a way to get his hair trimmed anyway? I know getting it cut would be a problem, but I'm wondering if they might be able to approve a trim to make him more comfortable.

I had the same thought as Ruth. Here, we are allowed to do a trim without permission. We just can't cut the hair enough to change the style. If his hair has not been well cared for, it probably does have damaged ends that increase the tangles. I would be tempted to video tape the tantrum for your SW to help her understand why at least a trim to reduce the time and discomfort for your FS is necessary. Does she seem like a reasonable person? I would be reluctant to go to a salon fro braiding just because he is so young. I also find that misting my son's hair with water before adding conditioner helps. I use an old, well-rinsed, hairspray bottle because it has a very fine mist. I feel badly for both of you! Poor kiddo. It's awful when traumatized kids end up suffering further because adults are being unreasonable. :(

Thanks for the replies! This is a long-term placement, so I will need to figure something out. I was not wetting his hair before combing it- maybe that will help. I am taking him to see his PGM this weekend- maybe she will either braid it or trim it herself. Thank you for the suggestion of videotaping the baby's reaction when I try to comb his hair. I will do this! This baby has been through enough and I just don't feel comfortable causing him anymore pain. Hopefully his CW can convince his parents to allow a trim. He has beautiful hair, but there is just too much of it; in another situation, braiding his hair would be something he needs to endure (perhaps). But, this poor baby has been through so much and causing him pain is not going to help him bond with me. The baby has no bond with a primary caregiver so establishing a bond is so important. I never expected HAIR to be an issue with bonding!