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My husband and I are considering adoption, are already mostly through the paperwork (no home study yet). We're excited but starting to wonder whether we have rose-colored glasses and haven't considered some of the problems that could come up. Obviously have heard some of the horror stories. Would love to hear from people who have adopted and their experiences. I am out of town a lot for work and am starting to wonder whether this could cause trouble in terms of a child's adjustment. :thanks: :laundry:
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A lot of people take parental leave for the first while to help the child adjust and attach. The best thing to do is ask yourself what you are willing to do to help the child. Can you get a position that's not as much traveling, can you become part time, can you make a career change? As long as you are both not traveling it should be okay though. You have to think of it like if you were having a child yourself. Would you take time off, do one of you plan to stay at home? talk it through together and see what you guys come up with for solutions that work for you. Personally we are choosing to adopt school age children so we can both continue to work and go to school while they are busy at school. We already have a bunch of family in the area that we can count on to babysit if need be as well. I think we will also take a short parental leave as well when they come so that we can get to know them better and make things easier.Good luck :)
All kids have issues even the "healthy kids with minor special needs." But if you choose Ukraine you can host a child aged 6 to 15 in your home and see if it's a match, - see if you are willing to adjust your life to accommodate another. I've traveled for a blind referral and I've hosted. Hosting is a good option if your unsure. Blind referrals are for the people who have blind faith. They trust God will get them the right child. So if you travel for a blind referral and you are only given a choice of a child with hepC or HIV or FAS can you accept God's will? If you aren't sure, then host first. You will probably get a healthy child on hosting who is available for international adoption and then you can request that child's referral at your appointment.
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Neither hosting organization had advertised hosting as a means to adopt. And the last one was emphatic that there are no guarantees of adoption after hosting, which is true, especially with foster care taking hold. However several families from our hosting group did go on to adopt their host kids. A few did not as either they chose not to adopt or their host kids went to foster care which is becoming more prevalent.
We adopted an 8 year old from Ukraine and both of us work. When he first got here, I stayed home with him for a couple of weeks before we enrolled him in school. The first months were very bumpy and we wished we had have had the option to stay home with him longer. I would advise taking some time off from work as the child is in sensory overload: having been taken from his or her culture, language, food, smells, and plopped into a new one that he or she is going to have to now navigate. If you want to read about our experience, you can go to our blog at:[url=http://snapshotsfromourjourney.blogspot.com/]Snapshots From Our Journey[/url]Elliott
We adopted a 14 year old boy 2 years ago. He was healthy, I already have 2 bio kids that are teens. My husband travels a lot and I am the primary caregiver. I have bonded with him, but my husband, not so much. These kids need SO MUCH love and time and attention, it is unbelievable. Anything you think you will give to the child multiply by 10 and that is closer to the truth. My son and I spent 24/7 together for a year, (joined at the hip, sleeping together, every minute of every day, homeschooling) before he would even consider separating from me. Now, he is 16, driving on his own, separating fine. It just seemed to end one day when he made up his mind that I had filled his heart so to speak. He is still clingy at times, but thank goodness I get a little free time and can sleep alone now when my husband is out of town! YEAH!!!! But as irritating and annoying as it might be, you need to let the kids set the tone and pace of the relationship. They will need so much from you - make sure your emotional reserves are well stocked! I would recommend a leave of absence or take your child with you if you can. Or have at least one consistent always present parental figure for your child no matter what the age. They need to know they can count on someone - they probably have never been able to have that before.
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