Things that I wish I could tell you as a foster parent...
I realized today how many stupid little innocent things can put a foster parent into a panic or leave us wishing we could explain...

Please don't stop your car in front of my house to make a phone call or kill time or whatever. Don't even slow down to look at my house! Your strange car puts us all into panic mode...are you a bio checking out our house, are you an investigator, etc.

I am sorry that my 16 month old was cooing and being so cute with me and as soon as you spoke to him, he started screaming no and grabbing onto me...for the first time this week he had to go to a visit with a person he considers a stranger and it scared him and he has been super clingy to me this week.


These have both happened to me in the last 2 hours and I realized that there are so many little things that I know are nothing but as a foster parent can be a big deal.

Any other innocent things that drive you crazy or leave you wishing you could explain?
Don't take pictures of my kids and put them on facebook!

Don't think it's cute my kids crawl up in your lap or hug you. You barely know them. They have attachment issues!
And for goodness sakes, don't get insulted if my kids recoil if you have been drinking! The smell of liquor sends them into a panic.
Please don't give me dirty looks in the store when my kid starts screaming. He has PTSD and anxiety and the check out line and him don't mix.
I am not going to focus my kid to say hi to you no matter how many times you ask him. He has anxiety and something about you scares him.
Whenever my head itches, I think my stad brought home lice from the visit:grr:
Here are my top 3: foster & adoptive tick offs:grr:

(keep in mind my AD is AA) ***Please don't come up to me (a stranger) and give me your phone number because you think I don't know how to do AA hair....you don't even realize the effort it took me and her home health aide just to get her in the bath today!** (she is autistic with MR) - so yes most days her hair is nappy.

***The nurses and staff at the doctor's office....please don't greet me with "ohhhh my God you have another one!" Ummm, yes I do because the last one left a month ago....that's what fostering is.

***Don't cringe at me when you see my disabled 6 yr. old AD with a pacifier. She has the mentality of a 1 year old and if it is the only thing that can comfort her because she can't tolerate even being held (thanks to her autism with sensory disorder) then so be it.
Pssst....I dare you try to take it away:clap: and see what happens...LOL!
Don't assume I'm an idiot and don't know my FS is biracial. Seriously, 2 people said to me "you know, he looks biracial" ...no, really!? I had no idea :S On the same note don't call him an Oreo either! Although, I think THAT person now knows because she was a therapist who will never set foot in my house again!

Strangers in line at the grocery store, I'm all for you ogling over my children but when I tell you how old they are when you ask, the follow up questions should not be about how difficult was "my" pregnancy and where they delivered early. (Honestly now I lie and say they are younger to avoid all the Q's. All of the children who've been in my home excluding one were all very small...off the growth charts small.)

Also BABY CLOTHING MANUFACTURES!!! (Carter's!!!) Why do 90% of your clothing and bibs say I love mommy, I love daddy?? Sorry, I am all about being pro RU and supporting bios but I can not put my foster children in these billboards! (But I will say he day I got to put MY daughter in an I love mommy shirt was pretty spectacular. Her love for me was well earnedWink)
[QUOTE=buckeyemama]Don't assume I'm an idiot and don't know my FS is biracial. Seriously, 2 people said to me "you know, he looks biracial" ...no, really!? I had no idea :S On the same note don't call him an Oreo either! Although, I think THAT person now knows because she was a therapist who will never set foot in my house again!

Strangers in line at the grocery store, I'm all for you ogling over my children but when I tell you how old they are when you ask, the follow up questions should not be about how difficult was "my" pregnancy and where they delivered early. (Honestly now I lie and say they are younger to avoid all the Q's. All of the children who've been in my home excluding one were all very small...off the growth charts small.)

Also BABY CLOTHING MANUFACTURES!!! (Carter's!!!) Why do 90% of your clothing and bibs say I love mommy, I love daddy?? Sorry, I am all about being pro RU and supporting bios but I can not put my foster children in these billboards! (But I will say he day I got to put MY daughter in an I love mommy shirt was pretty spectacular. Her love for me was well earnedWink)[/QUOTE]

OH, YES!!! The clothes!!! I hated them. One of my kids had a lot of "daddy" apparel, with a MIA dad. Ummm...funny I never put her in them. I never felt right about buying them for the kids either. Why, why why? Do they have to put mom and dad on EVERYTHING! It was a huge pet peeve of mine while fostering.
Yes to the cars stopping by my house, down the block, etc. Freaks me out!

Yes to all the mommy, daddy, grandma, etc clothes for babies! Carter's is bad, but even the little baby stuff at Gymboree was terrible!

I'm getting sick of "is this a new one?" Yes, I know I had five different placements in less than a year's time but I've now had Lala for almost 8 months. Her whole life. She is distinct looking enough that it tells me people aren't even looking at her. :grr: Thankfully she's young so doesn't understand, but I'm really starting to get annoyed by that comment.
Recently I had to let the church nursery know that I do, in fact, feed and give water to my STBAS. He asks for a snack as soon as he gets to nursery, and they commented to me about how he drank four full cups of water. The child will eat and drink as long as you keep giving him more no matter how much I fed him before or how many sippy cups full of water I have given him. There is absolutely NO full switch in his tummy. He is always happiest with something in his mouth, and he will love you forever if you keep refilling his cup so he never has to stop drinking!

And I love comment about all the Carter's clothes! Even the clothes that seem to be without wording sometimes have it in tiny print, "Grandpa's Favorite Dino" or something.
Oh, the clothes! And, why do boy clothes always have a bit of negativity- "Little Monster." ?
missypea said...
Oh, the clothes! And, why do boy clothes always have a bit of negativity- "Little Monster." ?

YES! Or skull and cross bones on baby clothes!! Target is so bad itch this right now!! Well, his bios will love it...:grr:
If a child with me is throwing a fit and insisting I'm not their mommy, it's because I'm not. They still need to listen to me anyway and it is NOT helpful for you to get involved.

To other parents (and some of the teachers) at my local high school - I know I don't look old enough to be a parent to a high school kid. I like my jeans and hoodie and don't care that I look young without makeup. I am acting as that teen's parent AND my IQ is probably higher than yours. Please don't talk down to me or dismiss my concerns because I appear young.
I'm seriously thinking of putting a sign on my door regarding the phrase, "it's okay." NO, if I say it isn't, it isn't. It is my home and I know MY kids.

It is seriously surprising to me how few boundaries caseworkers, CASA, GAL, AAL, social workers, etc have with kids who are at risk. I expressed this to another foster parent who completely disagreed and even had some good reasons. I, however, maintain that adults should not be physically intimate with children they've seen for less than 20 minutes.
missypea said...
Oh, the clothes! And, why do boy clothes always have a bit of negativity- "Little Monster." ?


Actually, what bugs me in that area is the "Chick magnet" crap. I mean, really? We need to start promoting this attitude NOW?
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