Things that I wish I could tell you as a foster parent...

Oh! And it is probably none of your business "what his parents did" to lose him.... And probably pretty inappropriate to ask in front of him....

Please don't undermine me in front of the children. If I say "no" I'm saying no for a reason. Even if you are my relative you don't need to tell me "oh it's okay if they have x." Please don't ask about my girl's case in front of them. They have ears and they aren't stupid. And I have to say I agree about the lap sitting. No, it's not cute when they sit in your lap. It tells me we still have work to do.

ROTFLOL! Aww...I like the flying monkeys! Where did you get that one!? That's great!

Carters clothes are cute, except the ones that others posted about..."I love mommy/daddy", "I love my auntie", "little monster" and my ultimate dislike shirt from Carters right now is the one that states something like "I'm crabby" with a pic of a crab. Ok, so Target...went there last night and there was, no joke, bootie shirts in a soft denim fabric with hot pink trim made by Circo for sizes, get this, NEWBORN to 9 MONTHS. Are you kidding me?!?! All I could think of is "Where is the poop going to go after it leaves the diaper? There is no fabric to catch it."

You are being stalked by a former foster parent? What in the world?

One that bothers me and is going to come up again soon is at high school graduation ceremonies where the principal and every other speaker makes a big deal about how MOM AND DAD worked harder for this degree than most of the kids or the kids couldn't have done it without their parents. That is a HUGE slap in the face to the kids who did it despite their parents.

I guess for me its the un-helpful parenting advice. Especially in the special needs community, folks tend to assume that because my son is young and recently adopted, I've only been a parent of a few years....sort of true, but he is the 8th child. Eight kids, different needs, different levels, over a decade, seriously even if I don't know what I'm doing by now neither do they with one no traumatic history kid! You kid did great with early intervention? Great, mine spent his first 4 or so years locked in a room. Cut me some slack.

I'm loving your posts Lincoln. We use the phrase "wallyworld" too. We usually have kiddos who obviously are not our biokids. I will tell people that we are FPs. A few have actually asked "what did their mom do to lose them". Really? Like I'm going to share that with YOU! My reply to original post...please don't assume that I'm a FP to " supplement my income"...don't assume I have a dozen kids at home....don't assume I don't like to have fun because I'm a FP...don't assume we have fertility issues...don't assume I want to KEEP all the kids I foster because there are some I can't wait to see RU.

1. My stbas has beautiful mocha colored skin. My husband and I are very fair skinned. I HATE it when someone looks at him and says "OH, he's soo dark!" "Is daddy dark too?" My new reply is "I wouldn't know since I've never met his daddy." LOVE the reactions I get. 2. I take only newborns so I'm at the pedi a lot. Twice while in the waiting room people have seen me bottle feeding one of our babes. Twice they have said something along the lines of "Why aren't I nursing?" "Nursing her would be sooo healthy for her!" UGH!! 3. I heard this from a relative, and I literally lost my mind. "I heard you and DH are adopting Captain Cave Man" "Aren't you worried about adopting through DCF b/c you never know what you are going to get!" Me: "OMG!! What we "GOT" was the most amazing, beautiful gift from GOD, and his birthmom." Some ppl. act like foster children are less precious than a privately adopted child, I happen to think the complete opposite. Some ppl. are just stupid.

#3 hits home with us. We are friends with a couple who did a private adoption and she likes to hint to the idea that the money they spent to go through private adoption was SOO worth it to not have to "do all the things we have to do to go through foster care". Like she PAID NOT to have to do visits with bios, deal with behaviors and report to a SW. This same couple keeps telling us.."why don't you just go to Africa and adopt a baby?". HUH?

Haha! I ran into a colleague the week after I was off for finalization. She asked if I did anything fun during my vacation. I said "I finalized adoption of my son." She said "oh, I didn't know you adopted, from what country did you get him?" LOL. I said "umm, this one, he was a foster child." You mean you can get babies from foster care? [Note: this same colleague knew I was a foster parent and knew about my girls.] I have to say, I hear that one more often than any other when people find that I adopted Chubbs as a baby. my former boss, when I got the call for Chubbs, and I said "I might be getting a baby!" He says "wow, that is a lot of work." LOL. He is a confirmed bachelor, i believe he is gay but not open, but no kids or "wife."

Foster1mom - yes we have been stalked by the former foster mom since August :( Super crazy! And yes she's still a foster mom :grr:

Assuming that the kids are less "good" than other kids really bothers me.Bottle feeding in public or having weird looks when I buy tons of formula (or maybe it's all the kids that I have- 2)I frequently get asked, "So, are their parents into drugs?" I don't know why I'm always surprised about all that. I usually say, "Actually, no!"It's funny- when I see a kid out of control in public and the parents seem unable to control him/her, I tend to assume now that the adults are foster parents. Not that we all don't know how to control our kids but just that we're more aware of how we handle the kids in public.

I am not being "mean" when I discipline my kids in public or make them tell the store clerk we are (shocking) buying this candy because my child took it without permission and ate half of it. Please don't discipline or talk to my child when they are misbehaving!My kids have anxiety!! Sometimes it may look like ADHD but trust me I have a handle on it. Enough said.

Great thread! Thank you all for sharing. As a newbie, I certainly appreciate the insight