Therapy for Sexual Abuse

Yes, but I'm afraid I can't be of much help. We're 6 months into it and still trying to find a therapist who is worth a dime. The therapists just want to play and let him talk when he is ready without pressure, but he'll never be ready. He loves his weekly play date. We need a therapist who doesn't mind making a kid uncomfortable. As it is he'll only heal if he develops some self motivation--something he has always lacked. He doesn't like his safety plan but that isn't enough. He is 4 years from being old enough to leave home and I think he is planning to just wait it out.

So if he doesnt open up, what is the prognosis??

Well, for us, at least now we know he fully understands that this is a big deal. Will he be a predator in the future? Maybe, don't know. We're doing all we can. The law won't do more unless he is caught again. You can bet we'll report him if we catch him. We don't want to see any more victims. If yours is a victim and not a perpetrator then the effects might be marriage and relationship problems. Become an offender is also possible though, especially for boys. Girls are more likely to invite further abuse on themselves through their sexualized behavior.

I was told my dd is an addict, extremely promiscuous. All along we were told this is an extreme case and most said they could not help. The latest told us that dd will have to work it out on her own and there is nothing we can do to stop her behavior unless she comes to the realization it is a problem. The outcome does not look good from any angle. Most will not stop the behavior until middle age and have many regrets . . Some take their own lives. Such a hopeless and helpless feeling.

I think a lot of this has to do with the age of the victim when it occurred, how long the abuse went on and the details of the abuse (coerciveness, friend or stranger, etc). I've also been told a lot has to do with how the family approaches the issues within the family. In our case, the sexual perp was from within our family and we were allowed to reverse the adoption. We refused to allow the perp back into our home for fear of what would happen to the younger family members. Strange that CPS places charges against those who offend from outside of the family, but literally want to turn their backs on families who's sexual offenders come from within the family itself. Don't get me started, I guess. Perhaps the biggest problem exists in the fact our society does little (often nothing) to stop this. Adult offenders are given little to no real sentence when convicted, and while the laws look strict, the fact, is, there are so many loopholes it's sickening. Those who do go to prison, often are allowed parole far too often, IMO. I'm sorry.....very, very sorry you're having to deal with this. It's truly one of the most difficult issues our family had to face, but unlike some, our family had very little sympathy for the offender who had little to no remorse for his actions. I *do* believe sexual acting out and out-right offending is something agencies/foster care systems do little to inform potential parents about. It's one thing to read/hear people talk about it; it's another to have it staring you in the face and having to decide who's going to potentially be victimized again, or who must leave the home. Sincerely, Linny

to be honest I think some agencies down right lie and omit things that fp's should be made aware of --sexual abuse is one of them. Obviously no cases are exactly the same --some kids can talk about sexual abuse they experienced and get through it and others internalize it and end up becoming sex offenders themselves.--I think this is one reason agencies are less than upfront about sexual abuse- they know it is going to make it much more difficult to find placement for a child who is acting out sexually- especially if it's a boy

I [URL="http://ndnsworld.blogspot.com/2013/05/how-i-became-methe-dark-chapter.html"]blogged[/URL] recently about dealing with my own compulsive sexual behavior. Therapy is definitely in order...but when the promiscuity is the result of SA, it can't be approached from a "you need to respect yourself" approach (which is what I see a lot of parents & therapists trying). Until the root of the problem is identified & addressed, the individual can't change their behavior. After years of studying psychology & sociology, a lot of painful self-examination & a great deal of time talking with other survivors, I realize that my trigger is feeling out of control or helpless. That is a common trigger, but it's not the same for everyone. In the end, the compulsion to act out never really goes away, but it I possible to learn how to modify one's behavior. It's a long, hard road. You guys will be in my thoughts...

I went to the meeting and was basically told dd is a hopeless case and the best thing for me to do is to let go in order to preserve my own sanity. I have been trying so hard to help my dd for so many years now. It just seems hopeless. I believe in my dd, but I cannot seem to find competent help. I am not letting go. I dont think my dd wants me to do that. I am going to keep trying. By that, I mean restricting her opportunities and keeping an open line of communication the best I can with my RAD dd. I am not sure if is that right or wrong, but I cannot fathom her being unsafe. If anyone else has any ideas, please chime in. I was told to let her be promiscuous and love her through it basically.

I sent my 15 yo daughter to a rtc when she began running away to meet groups of men/boys in the park for sex. Once a week therapy was a joke for her- she needed to be in a place where she couldn't walk away from the tough conversations. She was there for 8 weeks, and remains in weekly therapy but it has worked wonders!! The name of the facility is merridell achievement center in Texas. They accept kids from all over the country. They also accepted my insurance. They use Neuro based approach, which I found a huge improvement over the others.

Thank you. I will remember that facility. The counselor wants to talk to me again. DD has been in a facility for three months under close supervision. She told me she had a boyfriend during summer school and did not have any "urges." I am not sure if that means she is getting things under control or if she is just manipulating she situation. She seems like she is getting better in some ways. She told me she wants to come home. She never used to say that . . I will see what the counselor has to say next week.

Our 12 yo fd sees a pediatric trauma counselor and is doing quite well. She was seeing her before she came to us but the counselor told us she would be done with her soon and that she is doing well. She also has a mobile therapist to talk to... she came with that too and we had the option to keep or discontinue the therapist but we chose to keep her.