What do we need to know?

Southernmomma: do you know who Bianca Jones, Chelsea Ramsey-Jones or Jocelyn Hagan are? If not, that's white privilege.

One thing to keep in mind when parenting trans-racially is that people will know a big part of your child's story just by taking one look at your family. It doesn't bother me, I love talking about my family and about adoption. But I know it affects my son's boundaries. Strangers should not be privy to anyone's personal history, but by looking at us, they are. (Foster children often have issues with over-sharing anyway, which is a separate issue.) People will make assumptions about how you saved your child from his impoverished, druggie natural parents. I do get told pretty regularly that I'm "a saint", and I wonder if this would be as frequent if my child was CC. I'm sure I wouldn't be told that if I adopted a CC baby. Most people don't say this to my son, but I do know that he is told often how lucky he is. I would say that having same-gender/same-race role models is very important. There aren't enough positive role models for AA men in the media (don't flame, I know there are many, just not enough IMO). Having real life AA male role models who interact with your child is important. A mentoring program is a good place if you don't have someone close to you that will step up and take an active role. (Hopefully this goes without saying, but I want to make it clear that I'm NOT advising you not to adoption trans-racially! Given the same chance, I'd do it again a hundred times.) Also, I wanted to address southernmomma's post. White Privilege is the term for the unspoken advantages that CC people have the privilege of being able to take for granted. Just because there are millions of successful people of all race does not mean that it isn't a very real thing. This is a pretty good paper explaining it: [url=http://ted.coe.wayne.edu/ele3600/mcintosh.html]White Privilege[/url]. From the white person's perspective, the privilege is the norm, so it goes unnoticed. If I'm in a store with my hands in my pockets, I don't notice that no one is watching me suspiciously. However if I'm with my teenage AA son, I certainly notice if someone is keeping a close eye on him, and yes...I instruct him to keep his hands out of his pockets. Some good examples from the article are: 2. If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area that I can afford and in which I would want to live. 5. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented. <Edy adds: AND POSITIVELY represented> 12. I can swear, or dress in second-hand clothes or not answer letters without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty, or the illiteracy of my race. 14. I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race. 18. I can be sure that if I ask to talk to "the person in charge" I will be facing a person of my race. 19. If a traffic cop pulls me over, or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven't been singled out because of my race. And my own additions: - I can watch a comedy show/movie with positive reflections of your race. That is to say, the representative of your race is not the butt of racial jokes. - If I become wealthy, people will not automatically assume that I'm an athlete or a rapper.

So I have white privileges just because I don't know of someone when there are approximately millions of millions of people on Earth...right.

They're missing black children who haven't made the news. Google missing black children; not one has made the news. That's white privilege.

The other thing that some pre-adoptive parents don't often realize is that your child may go through a very uncomfortable phase of NOT wanting to be the "visible minority" in your family. Southernmamma -- I so strongly disagree with your opinion, I really can't even word it eloquently -- but have you ever taken the time to sincerely and genuinely ask a minority what their day to day experience is? Do you have any true, deep and real friends of color (of any color other than white) and they would trust you enough to be honest with you about what it is like? I live in the one of the LEAST racist areas of the world and my minority kids still face issues almost daily. Issues that i have never, ever faced as a white middle class woman, and issues my white middle class husband didn't even know existed until our friends, family and now our CHILDREN shared with us their experiences. The comments, the looks, the disregard that many are treated with just because of their color.

You're right that it's not the same as it was in the 1800s. Things have changed significantly even in the last 10 years, and they're constantly evolving. Families, neighborhoods, workplaces, politics, and media are a lot more diverse than when I was a kid (not too long ago). But that doesn't mean that there aren't still implicit advantages to being white in America. I understand what you're saying, but I also know that I can walk to the store for some skittles and an iced tea while wearing a hoodie, and feel secure that no one will misinterpret my intentions. Visit a school in your area that is considered undesirable, and look at the racial composition of the school. The children who attend these schools simply don't have the same opportunities a children who attend better funded schools. Visit a prison and look at the racial composition. The ACLU says that even though CC People engage in drug offenses at a higher rate, African-Americans are incarcerated 10x as often. [url=http://www.aclu.org/criminal-law-reform/drug-sentencing-and-penalties]Drug Sentencing and Penalties | American Civil Liberties Union[/url] Sorry to derail the conversation here...that's the last I'll post on the topic I swear!

So in your opinion, even though there are many black politicians, judges, police officers, etc white people are still holding black people down?