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I've had some limited contact with my daughter's adoptive family recently. I've received updates and photos and it's been wonderful! They've just informed me that my daughter's therapist thinks that it's time for her to meet me. She's just turning 15, so she's very young. I'm incredibly excited, but also very worried at the same time. I'm dying to meet her, get to know her, and hopefully be a part of her life so that she doesn't have to wonder about who I am and where she came from (I'm an adoptee too, so I totally get it). But I'm also concerned that she's young and emotional and might not be totally ready for this. It kind of came out of the blue, her parents originally told me they wanted her to wait until she was 18 because they felt she wasn't quite ready.
Has anyone reunited with their children while they were still minors? I'd love to hear other's experiences and any advice that you might have. I've always expressed to her mom that I will respect and abide by any decision they make because they are the ones that know my daughter and have raised her and have the right to decide, but I can imagine her adoptive mom must be scared about how this all will go down...
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Hey there!
I just had my first meeting with E this past weekend so I totally understand your fear! We started talking on Facebook in August, 2011 when she was 15 years old. For me, it was better to let her take the reigns. She and her parents invited me to her graduation party/ceremony and while I was anxious, slightly uncomfortable (there were ALOT of people there) and very obviously stared at, it was an overall good first meeting. We didn't get to talk much about anything but maybe keeping it just lighthearted was for the best. It's scary with teenagers - you just never know what they are going to think/feel and everything is always so dramatic!
I think it's great that they want to include you and feel she is ready to meet you. E's parents have been wanting me to be more involved since she was born (open adoption), but I was the one that pulled away until now.
If YOU are ready for this meeting than go for it. Just be prepared to be an emotional mess for bit after it's all over and you are home. It's been a couple days for me and I think I will burst into tears if I even do something silly like drop my pen on the floor - ha ha.
Best of luck to you both. Please update!! :)
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I'm definitely ready to meet her, I guess I'm just worried that with her being so young that she's not ready and I don't want to jeopardize the possibilities, you know? Then again, if she's anything like me, which it sounds like she is, this is something she's been wanting for a very long time.
Yes, it is what she wants. Every letter I've received from her asks when she can meet me, and her a-mom has told me on more than one occasion that meeting me is our daughter's dearest wish. And as an adoptee, I totally get it. I wish I had been able to have my b-mom in my life growing up so I wouldn't have spent so many years wondering where I came from, who she was, why she gave me up, all that stuff. I know my daughter has a lot more answers than I did, I made sure of that when she was placed, and through the little contact I've had with her a-mom, I've answered any questions put forward, but I know that doesn't replace actually knowing someone.
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HOW EXCITING!!!!! If everyone believes she is ready (and the fact that shes in therapy is great because she can help her express how she's feeling) and she feels ready, seriously why not lol Just more years for you to know each other!!I've got goose bumps for you!! Good luck and keep up posted!!
Thought I'd provide an update. I did wind up finally meeting my daughter and so far, it has been a blessing! Of course, there are ups and downs and loads of fun with teenage angst, but she's a very smart young lady and very much my mini-me when it comes to personality! Hopefully things will continue to go well. :)
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