A Major Success

I have to report back some progress. My DD is now 12. She hit puberty early, so we are actually sort of on the down swing of her hormones. Boundaries have always been difficult for her. And her triggers/hypersensitivities are feeling like an outsider, feeling like she doesn't belong, needing to feel tough/avoid feeling weak etc... She also has had trouble with authority for a large part of her past. Lately, in middle school, she has been exposed to all types of wanna-be adult type behaviors in her peers. Sexual harassment, swearing, horror movies etc. The big thing right now is The Walking Dead TV show. My hubby and I started to watch it a few months back and almost every week she asks if she can watch it. My answer is always no. She is very affected by violence, threats, harm of families/children etc.. So this is pretty much living color of her worst nightmares. I knew this and kept telling her "not until you're 18, it's inappropriate for you". Today at a friend's house she decided to coerce her friend into watching an episode (they own the DVD's). She told me later that it was on in the other room and she had only "heard bits and pieces". After dinner she went to bed and within 10 mins she was back in the kitchen sobbing. "Mom I have something I need to tell you. I lied to you and I'm so sorry! I didn't just listen to the show, I watched it. I can't sleep and I'm terrified and I can't get the bloody/gory images out of my head!" I hugged her and we sat down to talk about it. I told her how sorry I was that she was suffering. She told me she couldn't believe she had been so stupid as to ignore my warnings. She told me that she felt like I thought she wasn't tough enough to "handle scary stuff" and she thought she was. She told me she was wrong and I was right and she'll always follow my rules and trust me to know what is inappropriate for her from now on. She also felt bad for deceiving her friend. And more than being scared, she felt horrible that I had trusted her, and she had lied to me and betrayed my trust. We had a good talk about the fact that things cannot be UNSEEN. And that her sensitivity to violence is a strength that shows she is close to God's Spirit, and not jaded and desensitized. I told her it takes strength and courage to keep that sensitivity alive. And that I was proud of her for coming to me even though she believed I would be furious. It was a wonderful discussion, and experience for her to have. A lesson this big was learned easily and will last her a long time. This is the kiddo who I couldn't get to show vulnerability, or EVER tell the truth about even dumb little things. She would never ask for help, not for anything. She was a pathological liar for years. I am so grateful for this night. It really illustrates to me how far she has come. And I wanted to share it here with you all. If she never progresses any further in her life, I will consider parenting her to have been a tremendous success. I'm just so proud of her I could burst!