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My FS has a 3 hour visit once a week. This is a lot for a 15 month old. He has one hour with mom, one hour with dad, and one hour with them together. From pick up to drop off, it takes about 4 hours. He is a hot mess afterwards, as are many of our kids after their visits. My question is this: mom and dad have their case plan joined, so why does baby need to have an hour long visit with each of them, them a 3rd hour with them together. If they plan to RU with him together, as a couple, wouldn't it be reasonable to advocate for them to do all of the visit together? Maybe this way the amount of time can be decreased. 3 hours seems like too much time, especially for such a young toddler! Would I be fighting an un-winnable battle to advocate for this, or does this seem like a reasonable request. FWIW, his CW doubts he can be RU'd with his bios; so basically, they are "going through the motions" with all this visit time. I respect his bios right to see him, and know they love him, but 3 hours (4 hours including travel time) is so much for this baby!
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My first little one (1 month till 11 months) would go 2 hours twice a week (would actually equal out to about 4+ hours including travel time). It was really hard on her . We had some pretty awful nights after her visits. My second (15 months at time of visits) only did a three total visits once a week for 2 hours - again 4+ hour gone all said and done. She'd get picked up at daycare and dropped back off there too. She missed lunch and nap time it was awful. I'd send a lunch, but she wouldn't eat for bio mom so they'd feed her when she got back to daycare. I'd get her home when I was finished with work and give her some food she'd be asleep -through the night by 4:45 p.m. Visits are so hard. It does seem really strange that if their plan is together that they would have separate visit times. Maybe they want to see if their is potential with one parent more than the other. Does your child have a GAL? Might be something to address with them.
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My guess is that the visits are set up as they are to get them most "bang" for a TPR trial. They want to have evidence of how bio mom acts with the kid, how bio dad acts with the kid, and how they respond together. And, the fact that the kid has a really hard time with visits is actually what they want to see. It stinks for us as the foster parents, but the state needs it to be like that in order to get a TPR conviction (is that the right word?).Sorry about your fs's behavior afterwards. Can you give him special love afterwards? Or, he also might just need some alone time. I'd put him in his bed for 15 min with a fan blowing and seeing what comes out of it. When my 22 month old is having a hard day, a few min to herself can make a big difference. I strive to make the time pleasant, maybe a cup of water, a few books, her lovey. She comes out a different kid. Your FS might just need some time to process all he has experienced over the last 4 hours. I would tell him the truth before you put him down- "You're not in trouble, but mommy thinks you need some rest time. I love you and I'll play with you in a few min." Both of my kids enjoy their alone time. I think the more kids in the house, the more important alone time is for EVERYONE (especially the mommies :) )
missypea
My guess is that the visits are set up as they are to get them most "bang" for a TPR trial. They want to have evidence of how bio mom acts with the kid, how bio dad acts with the kid, and how they respond together. And, the fact that the kid has a really hard time with visits is actually what they want to see. It stinks for us as the foster parents, but the state needs it to be like that in order to get a TPR conviction (is that the right word?). Sorry about your fs's behavior afterwards. Can you give him special love afterwards? Or, he also might just need some alone time. I'd put him in his bed for 15 min with a fan blowing and seeing what comes out of it. When my 22 month old is having a hard day, a few min to herself can make a big difference. I strive to make the time pleasant, maybe a cup of water, a few books, her lovey. She comes out a different kid. Your FS might just need some time to process all he has experienced over the last 4 hours. I would tell him the truth before you put him down- "You're not in trouble, but mommy thinks you need some rest time. I love you and I'll play with you in a few min." Both of my kids enjoy their alone time. I think the more kids in the house, the more important alone time is for EVERYONE (especially the mommies :) )