still thinking of adoption: trans racial infant?

With a four month old baby, I suspect it may be very hard to find an agency/attorney who'll suggest it's good for you to adopt when you have such a young one already at home. I think most adoption entities like for the youngest baby to be at least 1yr old. I wouldn't recommend adopting from the foster care system simply because your babies are still very young and most children (even little ones) have been abused in some way (neglect/physical/sexual). Not a good mix to bring in children who need extreme one-on-one when you're already devoting time to the young ones at home. I'm a bit cynical about 'healthy babies' anymore, simply because I'm beginning to think they're not the norm. (sigh) Seems most babies have been exposed to drugs/alcohol/smoking/etc more often than not-so the thought of adopting a healthy baby may not be so easy either. Nonetheless, I'd encourage you to consider adoption of a baby AFTER your youngest has become a year old. Despite your age, there are still agencies/attorneys who'll consider you for adoption but I'll admit, you'll have to do some searching. (BTDT) We adopted our last baby at 52yrs old....but she was special needs. Sincerely, Linny

We're waiting for our 2nd right now. If emom doesn't change her mind, they'll be 15 months apart. They do have the same birthparents though, so we weren't actually looking to adopt again.We started the homestudy update when LO was about 9 months old. We got the call from the agency when she was about 7 months old. I would suggest waiting till you're past the 6 month mark before starting the homestudy.We did adopt a healthy infant. LO's bmom did smoke during pregnancy, but there hasn't been any long term effects from that. It seems to be a much smaller thing to worry about. I'm 45 and didn't want to wait too long for our second so when this dropped in our lap it was perfect.

Hi, My husband is 48 and I am 46. We are an interracial couple. We have been matched with a birthmother who is due in mid November. The child is interracial. This is our 1st child. We are using a consultant. Are age was not an issues. The positive side about using a consultant is that they will find agencies that will accept your situation.I hope this is helpful. It it nice to know that there is other middle aged parents out there :)

I wonder what is the difference between adoption consultant and adoption facilitator? is there one? which agency/consultant did you use. This would be helpful I think because we have special circumstances.

Yes there is a difference. We used a consultant the first time. They talked to us about the process and what to expect, explained the financial risks. They did a risk assessment with us and helped us decide what situations we would be able to accept and which ones we couldn't. They shared information about drug exposure during this discussion. They gave us tips and guidelines on preparing our profile. Then they helped us choose the pictures for our profile and critiqued our wording. They did not create it for us but held our hands during the process. Finally, they suggested agencies for us to register with and tips for how to make the process go faster. They did have some situations coming to them from agencies but they were not soliciting them. There's a few agenices, like the one we went through, that decided they prefer PAPs who've had some training and prep before they get to them. So the agency would say we have this situation, the consultant would send it to any families they were working with that it fit and if you were interested, you sent your profile directly to the agency. The consultant only passed the initial information to you. They were not involved with the emoms at all.A facilitator is trying to help you make a match. They are actively seeking emoms(potential bmoms). They are unlicensed and do provide adoption services. Although I believe consultants are unlicensed too, but they aren't providing adoption services and are working only with the PAPs.So in my experience, the consultant was preparing us for a match, and holding our hands until we got one, answering questions for us so that we didn't drive an agency crazy - especially the is this normal questions. But a facilitator is trying to match PAPs and emoms.