Advertisements
So BM gets 4 visits a year and and BD gets four. Then our other adopted daughter gets 4 a year with her BM. It's a lot and my selfish side would love all the visits to go away but that's not life and its not what we agreed to so we will just go on with it :) it's really not so bad.
My issue is that both sets of grandparents have contacted me asking me for visits, one asked for one every month and the other asked for every few weeks! Ummm no!!! I would love to keep biological family in my little ones life but adding all these visits is just too much for us. Neither set of grandparents talk to the bio parents of our child so combining visits with the 8 a year for bio mom and dad is a no go. BUT I would really like to tell them that if they want to see their grandchild that they have to talk to their children and go with them for their visits. Let this be their inconvience not mine.
So how do you all handle extended family??
Like
Share
I think thats a great idea in theory but realisticly it may not go well for any of you, especially the kids if they can feel the tension and hear the arguements. That would be like suddenly telling the birthmom that her visit will now be combined with the birthfather. There must be a good reason why they are no longer together and I wouldnt force them to play nice just to combine visits. You may be able to combine the grandparents instead for a "grandparents visit" but I personally like to keep the relationships seperate and handle them on a case by case basis.
Advertisements
With our daughter we usually combined birthmoms visit with other relatives on that side of the family. At times we have seperated the visits between birthmom and grandparents when we felt we needed to but it was always hard to think of them as "seperate" because of how close birthmom and grandma are. If we decided to lessen visits at the time for birthmom it would usually also affect grandparents. Since your visits are already seperate from the start I'd try and keep it that way. If you choose to try and include them then maybe offer grandparents 1-2 visits a year and let them know that if they'd like more they can ask birthmom if she can attend 1-2 of her visits. That way your opening the door and if they want more then they can work on their own relationships.
UGH. Yeah, I would think that generally, ideally, they would see the kids the same time their kid does. But if that doesn't work...What *we* do is invite the biofamily like we invite our family. For example, last weekend, we had a get together. I called my mom and the bio-aunt. Bio-Aunt called biograndma. My hubby texted his sisters and our nieces. They are just extended family now. And it went really well. Would something like THAT be an option?It really does sound like you're in a pickle because it really is nice to be able to have relationships, but they can't be so intrusive. You already have what averages out to one a month. That would be WAY too much for me.