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I dont even know how to make this post short because there is sooooo much to say, but here goes. I was adopted as a baby (luckily to a good home). I knew at an early age and still suffered the low self-esteem/rejection issues and always wondered what happened to my bio parents. Well, when I turned 16 (now 30), my bio mom went through the agency and arranged contact. I met her and I was her mirror image. I thought she was amazing...until she opended her mouth. She had several more children in very quick succession (she got pregnant with me at 15!) and told some people about me to elicit sympathy I guess, but didnt tell my siblings. As a result, when I went to meet them and they asked who I was, she blurted out that I was a friend of hers. This began a series of lies and devastation. I spent a great deal of time explainsing my own existence to people I am related to. Beside this, I discovered that the sibling she had right after me, she did keep...for 6 years, then she ran away. Literally, abandoned my sister when she was in 1st grade with no explanation and ran off with yet another man. She never called my sister again until she was spotted SEVEN YEARS later. Fast forward and she is in and out of my life on HER terms only. For example, if she had a new boyfriend that was a family man, she would call me up and use me to "show off". As soon as the man left, she had a snarl on her face as if I was wasting her time. She has stood us up, verbally attacked us for daring be hurt. She shows up to any events 3 hours late, when the events are almost over because if it isnt about her, she cant be bothered. I have never tasted her cooking in the 15 years Ive known her. Last time I dropped by her home, she yanked open the door and stared me down. She told me to give her a minute and left me standing on the porch for 15 minutes. I just left. She lives 15 minutes away from me but has never visited. I have been hospitalized and she has been aware, but never checked on me. I let her watch my children once (because one of her many dates had his grandkids that weekend) and she fed them cookies and punch for breakfast. I heard the boyfriend got a full course meal. My sister is the only sibling I am close to and we share the experience of her abandonment. She has turned my two younger siblings (that she kept) against us for "bad-mouthing" her ways. She is now paling around with the one sister I am close to and it hurts because she texts her, invites her to lunches, etc, but will NOT contact me. So I get to see pictures of them mommy daughter bonding because my sis forwards them to me. My bio father is no better. They sleaze and flirt with each other and meet up for dinners for old time sake, but wont include me. He met my children for the FIRST time last month because I drove out to his family gathering and my oldest is 10 years old. They have known me all the way through my marriage, divorce, 3 graduations. We all live in the same metroplex and they have missed all of it. Im guessing they found me out of their own selfish curiosity?? Maybe Im not what they expected. I dont know....but I'd have been better off with my fantasy of having been loved and tragically lost.
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She sounds very unstable and not a good parent to any of her kids. I wouldn't be surprised if she treats all her kids like this. I would just deal with your adopted family and maybe your bio siblings. And be a shoulder to cry on, when she betrays your sisters she's close to right now. I'm sure she has mental problems, so you'll never understand her. I wouldn't be surprised if your father has mental problem too.
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Would you really have been better off with the fantasy? Personally, I prefer truth. For me, not knowing much about my b-family was difficult. I needed to know more about my heritage.Maybe it is different for you, and you really are the type of person who would prefer to dream of her adoptive parents rather than know the reality of who they are. (And, that's okay, too.)But, now that you do know who they are, you are not required to maintain a relationship with them. You b-mother sounds toxic. If you want a relationship with her, you're going to have to set up boundaries to protect yourself. You can have a relationship with someone like her, but you must have your boundaries in place. Otherwise, she's going to have you spinning emotionally for years to come.I'm really sorry that your b-parents didn't turn out to be the people you had hoped they would be.