Hi Belleinblue,<br />That is wonderful that you have an open odoption with your son and that you get to spend time with him. Is that hard to do? Is it hard giving him back to his adoptive parents after spending time with him? I imagine that it is better to share some time with him and know he is safe and happy then wonder all your life about the kind of life he is having. <br />I am very dissapointed in your mother. Mothers should love their children no matter what. My son, who I was just reunited with, has put me through hell and back during this reunion process and I could not love him any more than I do today. I would give up my own life for that man. I love all of my children, but my love is different for him because our relationship has not been established and I feel that he needs more love and compassion than my other children do. <br />What is the relationship like between your birth mom and your brother? Are they close? Your mother does know she is your mother because she gave birth to you, but it sounds like it is to painful to revist her past for some reason. <br />When I was reunited with my son it was hard to go back into my past and bring forth all the memories of becoming pregnant and my family arranging for my son to be adopted behind my back. I am sure my past was much less painful to remember than others. Sometimes our pasts are buried so deep into the unconscious mind that it is hard to bring forward.The unconscious mind contains all sorts of significant and disturbing material which we need to keep out of our awareness because it is too threatening to fully acknowledge. It is so powerful that it keeps our thoughts buried until something helps bring them to the surface.<br />I had not thought about the relinquishment of my son in over 36 years and when my son asks about his birth I had a hard time remebering any details, but the more I talked to him about it and looked through old photos the more I began to remember. My son kept on thinking that I was lying to him about the details of his birth because the story kept on changing, but it was not that I was intentionally lying to him, I just shoved all those memories so far down it took a while for me to bring them back up. I did make him a birth story book with my actual accounts so he could have his story.<br />Your mom probably does not want to feel all the pain of the past and if she ever does choose to go there I am sure she will realize that she loves you more than she could ever imagine. I hate the saying "only time will tell" because I like to have answers now, but sometimes we have to be patient and wait.