1st grader hates school

When you say that he used to love school, do you mean he loved kindergarten and this is a new change just since the beginning of first grade? Can you visit the classroom and observe? Kids that age (and I have my own 5-year-old!) are notoriously bad at being able to really tell you what's going on at school, but is he telling you anything that helps you understand what's happening? Something is triggering this behavior, and until you can figure out what, it's hard to know what to do. The behavior is probably a symptom/reaction to the problem rather than the problem itself. First grade is very different from kindergarten. More seat work. More writing. Less play time. That in itself could be frustrating for such a young boy. But his reaction seems extreme for that to be the only issue.

What does he say, when you ask him why he doesn't like school anymore?

He says its boring. That they dont get to play games and all they do is write. I am sending a note to his teacher... hopefully it will get better.

I agree with Oak - 1st grade is so much harder than kindy and some kids really don't adjust well. I notice your son is still 5, so being on the younger side, he might need a bit more time and attention in order to help him adjust. Going in to observe is a good idea as it will help you see what the class is like and pinpoint things he doesn't like and can then help him find ways to behave more appropriately. I know how frustrating it is when your kid struggles in school, hang in there!

Well his teacher said he was better behaved... when she called to request clean clothes as he accepted a dare to dump a carton of milk on his head. :arrow:

LOL I'm not sure I'd be in a rush to send him dry clothes!My oldest is 5 and just started kindergarten. He is already complaining that he doesn't get as much play time as he did in pre-K, and spent the first two weeks figuring out how to respect the teacher and the other kids who were there to learn. He did much better last week and I'm hoping he's on board, but I suspect next year I'll be posting something similar to the OP here... Boys.... sigh

Maybe he just needs to get used to the newness of school meaning work, instead of play. I love the milk dare! lol

My son felt the same way and it was only his 3rd day of kindergarten. he went from 1/2 day to full day in kindergarten. We were one block from school, and were late daily due to his fits on the way to school. If I lost grip he would run home. His school understood, and we jointly decided to have a bus pick him up. That was a blessing. He said he could no longer play and had to work. I discovered that he was in a class with 4 adults. All four teachers would constantly be redirecting him. This was overwhelming for him. It was decided only the paraprofessional and head teacher would give visual redirection to him. He has not liked school since. He has Aspergers and is very bright. He is in 7th grade and in some honors classes. To this day he daily complains about how he hates school , but he has come to realize it is what it is. Some teachers make it more complicated for kids like this if they don't understand not take their behaviors personally. I bet it is the change from half day to full day, and the added rigors of 1st grade that your son is having a hard time adjusting. I wish I had some advice, but nothing worked to change my son's attitude. One suggestion might be to give your son a special job (bringing attendance to office) that might help him gain a feeling importance. I did that with students I had who had similar school feelings. I found what inspired them and it really worked.

the bad behavior continues... defiance, tantrums, etc. Last week he threw his scissors at her (when she asked him to hand them to her). Today he stuck his tongue out at her. The only thing he will say is he doesn't like her. When we try to get more or ask why, it is just his heart says he doesn't like her. Ugh. Going to try a face to face meeting with her and the principal. Not sure the other 1st grade teacher would be better. The one we thought would be great for him was moved to 2nd for the year. I just don't know how to help him through this.

Are there any of those charter schools near you? Some of those use more individualized teaching methods, and that might help him. In a weird way, it may be better if his "hatred" is somehow personal towards that particular teacher. Developing a permanent hatred of school is not beneficial for him, obviously. Can you ask if he can be put in the other class just for a day to see how he does?

I don't know your child, but is it possible he's trying to tell you something in a round about way? I hated second grade to the point that I developed school phobia. Of course, back then, no one knew what that was---but some of the kids in the class vomited daily; others had bloody noses 3-4 times a week; others were always anxious and nervous; and I tried to stay home as much as possible with intestinal problems and a sick stomach. It's no wonder---the teacher notoriously screamed, yelled, threw erasers at children, tore up their papers and played to a favorite student to the hilt. She was notorious for doing this during much (if not all?) of her teaching career and to this day, most of the kids who were 'taught' by her over the years can relate the horror stories of being in her class! I think visiting the classroom is a good idea. I also strongly believe in homeschooling---especially children who may have any difficulties and/or extra strengths in academics. I realize homeschooling isn't for everyone and for every case---but I would strongly encourage looking into this more deeply. It may very well be the learning patterns of your child; but it could be poor teaching as well. Sincerely, Linny

I agree that a sit down with the principle and teacher is a good idea. The three of you need to come up with a consistent plan for how negative and positive behavior will be handled both at school and at home. Communication is a huge part of helping him to feel safe. He needs to know that the adults are all working together and have things under control, meaning that you and the school have frequent communication so issues in both environments will be talked about in both environments. My DD struggled with behavior in first grade as well. Lots of the same kinds of things you described. We emailed daily with her teacher she received a daily conduct grade. We talked about issues as they came up and better ways to handle issues. An award system for earning privileges for good behavior is another idea. I think the main idea is to be consistent.

I believe your thought on a sit down chat with the teacher(s) and principal are essential. I do agree a room change for a day or two may be a good option, or if your son continues you may want to consider a school change. One of the staff, maybe the psychologist, may want to invite him to a peer group. This helped my son to open up about his school issues and relax. This may also be an opportunity for him to learn through modeling how to advocate for himself in a positive way. Your son is definitely uncomfortable, and acting out his flight/fight response. Your son has chosen fight when my son chose flight. Had I not stepped in I am sure my son's behavior would have escalated. I wish you the best. Keep us informed on how it goes. -Joan

Something is going on that is making your son feel pretty rotten. One of my favorite truisms about kids is that, "Behavior is the language of children." If he's saying he doesn't like his teacher and he's acting out specifically toward her, then that's telling you something. As a teacher, it's hard to keep a good balance when you are constantly disciplining a child - because as soon as most of your interactions become negative, the child falls apart. Every. Time. (I say this from lots of experience as a teacher myself.) She's probably feeling pretty frustrated with him, which would not help either. It may be that he and his teacher have fallen into a pattern of their interactions mostly focusing on his poor behavior - which makes him feel like she doesn't like him and makes him feel like a bad kid . . . which in turn leads to more poor behavior. I've had enough experience as a teacher to have lived through this dynamic with kids. Some kids, I was able to build a good relationship with and help them. And I'll admit, sometimes I had a hard time connecting and the kids didn't do nearly as well. With my kids who struggled with behavior issues, the best predictor of how well they would do was always how good my relationship with that child was, not how good my discipline plan was. Have you had a chance to observe? I would really recommend it. I agree with others that some plan needs to be made to break this pattern before it gets worse or becomes entrenched. And a classroom change may be something to consider if things don't get better.

We met with the teacher. Mostly good. He's middle of the road academically. Active. Wants to be the center of attention. Hardest part is mornin transition. They do breakfast in the classroom followed by work they have to copy off the board. This is his hardest time. So we are focusing on that. Created a reward system (usually works well for him). We have also started morning snacks before leaving for school... DH didn't think about the extra hour this year between when they get up and when they go to school (was 7:30, now 8:30) and eat breakfast. That seems to be helping too once I pointed it out. Mornings at home seem to be smoother. Hopefully this will get him back on track... This last week only bad day was Monday. He got better as the week went on. I'm more hopeful than I was!