I really need help, advice, input anything with our situation. RTC home,adopting teen

I am new here and really need some help advice or anything that can help me through this. My Aunt and very very abusive Uncle got rid of their adopted child and allowed her to fall into the system and rights were terminated this year. She is 15 1/2 They didn't tell anyone I just noticed she wasn't in anymore Facebook family pics last November and started calling the family to find out she was locked up in a Psych Hospital but of course I was told all kinds of lies. So I decided to try and find her and after several phone calls I found her in TX and got in touch with her caseworker.Found out she is in RTC. From November till now we have been very active in her life, I live in OK so I make visits to her, I have been to every court hearing, in touch with her whole team. In the beginning she use to call me every weekend. Then in March timeframe she was having thoughts of killing others so they hospitalized her to get her meds straight. Well ok back up till Xmas, at that time they had her on so many meds and such high levels I threw a fit and requested a 2nd opinion. Well after many missed appointments she finally had the breakdown in March and still hadn't seen the doc for a 2nd opinion. While in the hospital they lowered her meds and she called me everyday sometimes 3-4 times a day. Then she gets out and goes for her 2nd opinion finally and the new Doc took her off the high doses of Lithium, off the Hydroxyzinepam, the Benztropine, and Divalproex. He found her thyroid was very low she is on on thyroid meds, Abilify, Clonidine to sleep, and another mood stabilizer. She has a history of self harm where she learned from watching Jeepers Creepers at home. So after this whole ordeal she was still calling me till about April ish then all of a sudden all phone calls stopped even the phone calls with her and her therapist. When I questioned this her therapist told me there was communication issue with her and the staff so she was told to halt all communication between my child (cousin) and me and I still to this day do not know what that was, no one will tell me. So here we are in August. Her team has pretty much changed a couple times except for her Casa.She doesn't communicate with me at all anymore, no phone calls and when we do have "family therapy" she doesn't talk so her therapist takes over and talks for her. Now when she was with me on July 5 she said she doesnt trust anyone at her RTC and says she is too tired at night to call me. I havent heard from her outside therapy since April-May. I adressed this many times and I was put off until recently then her therapist told her she can all me anytime now unsupervised. She was doing so good in RTC no trouble, stayed on blue like a perfect angel since April except for not communicating with me at all. But to the RTC she has done a 360 blah blah blah...I knew something wasnt right and I kept telling her team but her therapist just kept saying she is anxious about coming home and doesnt want to mess up so she has decided to shut down and not call. We were at once very very close now we are like two strangers on the road only when we are apart but when I am there we are close again. Now all this time we have been working on our ICPC which should be complete now it just has to be sent from OK to TX. Now this week...she was having a relationship with another girl and that didnt work out to well because it ended in a full blown campus fight when one girl tried to take her "girlfriend" away so she flipped out and had all these girls following her going after that girl to beat her up so she ended up in restraints and then in isolation Monday. Then Tuesday she broke a mirror and cut herself up, Wed self harmed again! She has full open contact privileges to call me whenever she needs to and she use to call me when she felt she was in trouble or having a hard time and we would work through it but instead she did all this. She also storms out of rooms when she feels like it, she sat down in the middle of the court yard and wouldnt move, wouldnt talk to anyone just sat there. So when is it and at what point does she have to accept responsibility for her actions? I mean right now I feel she is playing the system, me and anyone who comes in contact with her. I feel she needs to get real with herself then with all of us. She is almost 16 before she blinks an eye she will be 18 and acting like this I just can't have her in our home. We have therapy today at 3-4, would it be wrong for me to point blank tell her this and tell her when she decides what she wants and when she wants to quit manupulating everyone, lying, being a hyprocrite, and when she wants to help herself get out of RTC I will be here but until then I am done. My Aunt and her family has labeled our family years ago as being "rich" because we are military. They have expressed around their house how much they hated my family because we don't give them any money and we are stingy. Just jelouse BS stuff, but she was raised with my family being bashed so she has this label from her childhood about us. When we are together all she wants to do is shop, get her hair done, just spend money. And when she called the couple times she did it was to ask for new clothes since she lost a lot of weight, new shoes ect. So I believe she has learned to just use and abuse the system and not take things serious. She refuses to open up to trauma. She says she has been raped by my cousin (her adopted brother) but that was the end of that she didnt talk about it any further and refuses to. On the flip side that side of my family of course hates me, they have blocked me on FB which is fine but they have said so many things horrible about her and do not want me bringing her back in the family. They have told me she has tried to kill them, she had oral sex with my other cousin who is 7-8 now, that she is a horrible child. But this family also is very well known to lie a lot. My Dad would tell you only about 10% of what his sister says is true but you have to filter out what isnt and what is by your best judgement. So I am at a point right now I just don't know what to do!!!!! We have a hearing Monday she is ordered to be there to talk to the judge. I am not sure I even want to go, idk :( I feel I am fighting and fighting for her here but she just doesnt care? If anyone can help me that has had experience with RTC homes and fostering to adopt a child out of one please help me! This is the email I sent out before the hearing 2 weeks ago to her team. I havent talked to her but once since July 5 and that was once again therapist led and her talking for her. She was crying out in the background she wants to go home, she cried it out twice, then I was put on hold for 4 minutes. Her therapist came back on the line like nothing happened and asked "Are you happy about a 2 week visit" That is a long time! I said yes and then directed my conversation to my child and asked what is wrong. She quietly said nothing. The therapist quickly changed the subject and asked "Do you know why she isnt calling you" I said No but I would love to know why and she says "it's because she has anxiety about coming home, huh (child's name). My child said nothing. Therapist then said Tell her you are nervous tell her you are afraid of messing up aren't you? To all of he team, I am done with these kinds of conversations. I don't know what this is but it's not therapy! We have never had proactive family therapy in the almost year I have been here for her. That RTC home has sabatoged (sp) our relationship we once had. We use to talk everyday, now? Never! And it's always an excuse as to why by her therapist. I questioned one of her meds that says "as needed" she is taking twice a day everyday to my child while on her July 5th pass and she said it's her mood stabilizer she has to have it. I looked all her meds up and saw that her 2 other meds are also mood stabilizers, when I asked her therapist about this she told me the same thing as my child. I know what I read and I know what "as needed" means. I think her best interest I will be refusing any further phone calls from the RTC and will see her at the hearing and yes if she can come home I will most defiantly take her home and get her in the therapy she needs and we will also be in family therapy for her transition and as long as it takes to help her. This therapy should have been going on months ago but if she goes back to the RTC we have to walk away. When I got to her in the beginning she was failing school because RTC wasnt making her go she could just sleep in her room all day. Well I put a stop to that and told her she had to go to school well she did but then I fond out she was sleeping in school all day well I corrected that and she ended up passing all her classes and then passed everything in June then I just found out she is being retained for the 3rd time in 8th grade?? This is my breaking point, The lies constantly being told to me, to my child, scaring her out of going to the hearing, the therapist telling her how scary it will be, and how scary it will be to come home on any passes, and then for coming home for good, lying to my child about her intensity level, lying about her school! What is the real reason he therapist cut off our communication back in Feb, why does it she goes from depending on my phone calls to me every night to NEVER calling me?? My child says she is just too tired to call home! Then her meds? WHy is she taking as needed everyday?My child said she was very upset the day I picked her up because the fill in therapist was asking to many questions about the rapes. This is when her therapist was out of town...someone may want to read those progress reports from that day. So these are my concerns I am addressing. We are just very concerned about her. She is almost 16 and now not going into high school. Two more years she legally can do what she wants, do you really think she will finish high school at 21 years old? That RTC has failed her and will continue to fail her as long as she is there. We as her family do not want to fail her but it is so hard when we are fighting a brick wall so we are at the point of praying and walking away. We were so close at one time and one day we will get back there but as of right now she has changed towards me. She has come to disrespect me and lie to me as her therapist has set the example for her with all her lies to me. When they call me it's all about when am I coming to see her and how she needs this and that, send me this, send me that! We were in the process of buying a house and were living in our camper when we sold ours and in the process of buying the new house March-June, plus my boys were playing soccer, my husband was deployed and I had a broken arm but instead of her therapist me through that with her I was constantly nagged on and on about why I couldnt come right now to see her and how she needs me to come visit. At one point I was yelled at by my child saying I didn't care and i have other kids to worry about. I can understand her feeling this way and I could have worked with her but her therapist could have worked with me and the situation and by not reminding her every phone call how she needed me to be there and how she thinks I am leaving her because I am not visiting and on and on! She wouldnt let my child talk constantly putting words and sentences in for her when I would ask questions. This is about the time when my child stopped talking to me. She did tell me she is not going to open up to trauma because it gets her in trouble. Her therapist then told me they are pushing through without trauma therapy because thats what my child wants to do. On July 5th my child opened up and told me she gets bullied all the time, she is constantly changing cottages, RTC staff changes so frequently throwing all the kids off so lack of stability is suppose to be the goal but they are far from accomplishing that with the kids. They have made goals they are unattainable for her which her Casa has made that statement several times!