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Originally Posted By Andre
I was married at the age of 21 and my wife and I had a son, a short while later. 2 years later my wife had an affair in which she got pregnant. We worked through it the best we could but now 10 years later we are divorced. I am struggiling with the idea of having to tell my daughter I am not her father. I was the first person to hold her when she was born. I know that we should tell her the truth, but finding information on when and how is tough. She is now 9 years old and the love of my life ? Any comments would be appreaciated greatly. arp@canada.com
Originally Posted By Neil
There is an issue here of what/how/when to tell her, but I'm not sure that the message is exactly that she's adopted. Her mom is her biological mom and you are not only the only dad she's known but also in the states I'm familiar with, you would be her legal father as well since you were married to her mother.
I don't think you should be the one to tell her, since you would be revealing something negative about her mother and it could be seen as an attack on her mother. There's a pretty high likelihood you would not be believed, and in the best case it could seem like she's supposed to take sides.
I think the two of you (parents) need to tell her together.
I'm less sure on when. Way less sure.
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Originally Posted By bm Jamie
Even if you are not her biological father you will always be her Dad. Maybe the adoptees can give you an idea of which would be the right age since some of them may have been in her shoes.
Right from the start would have been the time to tell her.She will love you anyway,but she needs to know the truth and the sooner the better.Children are much wiser and more intelligent than given credit for,at any age.She has the right to KNOW who her father is.