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This really is my first time on this forum so I hope I put this in the right area. My name is Gayle, and I'm 29 years old. So here is my story. I was adopted when I was 2 years old, while I never knew my bparents, my mom and dad never kept the fact that I was adopted from me. My mom is a Christian women and has always viewed my adoption as "God giving me to her" We live in a small town, where most everyone knows everyone else, she says someone brought me to church and she told my dad that "I look like I belong in their family" My bparents at the time were young, and struggling through life like a lot of people. My bfather was in prison at the time. His brother actually worked at the restaurant that my adoptive parents owned and operated. They would often send milk and things home to my bparents for me since they lived nexted door to the restaurant. There is still a lot of the story that I don't know and I remember nothing of my bparents. But I always felt positive about my being adopted. Most people if they looked at me had no idea since I look just like my adoptive parents. It's strange though I've always felt for some reason or another that my bmom had dark hair, it's silly I know but thats just something that has stuck with me over my life. I also never felt any anger or abandonment issues that I know a number of adoptee's do. After all I mean I had a wonderful life. I never really needed anything and while I knew I was adopted mom and dad were Mom and Dad. If anything I felt thankful to my birthmom especially. I don't have children, but I know I can't even begin to imagine how incrediably hard it must have been to carry me for 9 months and then have to decide to give me up after keeping me for 2 years. I always wanted to Thank Her. Like I said growing up I never had a problem, heck I didn't even really ask many questions about it. But when I got older there were a few issues that I had to work out with. My mom kept some information from me, I was angry about it for a while but since then we've worked it out. She only did what she thought was right. But what happened was after years of being open with me suddenly information was kept from me and that was just something I didn't understand. My birth aunt and uncle wanted to get in touch with me ( I was a senior in high school) so I could meet with my cosians and stuff. I didn't find out until two years later. Then there were a few other oddities, I began asking around our small town with people that I know knew things about my birth parents but I swear it was like the Trumen show people would get shifty eyed and tell me "I don't know if I should be telling you this" I was an adult at the time so again I just didn't understand it. Just before my 27th birthday I had a breakthrough, someone who had known them told me my birth moms name! I knew a little bit at that point about my birth father but next to nothing about my birth mom. I had all but given up, and lost hope to ever find anything out about them. Then just after my 27th birthday I recieved a message on Facebook of all places. The message was from a guy who was dating my birthmom. My whole world was turned upside down. For a long while I felt like two separate people. I didn't know what was up or down. Also at that point all of my blood relatives (and there are a lot of em lol) who have been waiting to meet me pretty much came out of the wood work. It was all very overwhelming but I wanted to meet all of them and actually get to know them and have them a part of my life. I've sent a few E-mails to my bmom and I try to keep in touch with Facebook but I just can't get up the nerve to call and talk her her yet. My birthdad is in jail and I keep in regular contact with him via letters. I'm 29 now, I feel bad that after two years I don't talk as much as I would like to with my blood relatives. I have two younger brothers that I've been trying to get into contact with. I imagine they...or at least one of them I don't think the other knows...are about as overwhelmed as I was. Whats crazy is even though I have no memory of my birth parents I've noticed when I talk with my bdad that, certian things he says or ways that he thinks are familier to me. Another thing that is weird is that I look just like them too! I'm glad that all this happened no matter how crazy it gets or hard I finally feel like a whole complete person. While I had a wonderful life there was always little things that bothered me, not knowing, made me feel like half, or an incomplete person. I don't know if my story will inspire anyone, or help anyone. But it's all I have. For me being adopted was one of the best things that could have happened to me. I'm still trying to understand the guilt issues that my birthparents go through, and mainly I guess thats why I'm on this forum. But if my story can help anyone then that makes me happy.
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Darn it - I just wrote a lovely reply and tried to post it and *poof* - it disappears. :-( Oh well, I will try to recreate it. I agree wholeheartedly with your title - for the better. I'm new here, too, and am shocked and saddened to see that so many have had such bad experiences with their adoptive families and the process. Maybe I've been so blessed by my experience that it's allowed me to have my head in the sand. Maybe it's just that people are more likely to share a negative experience than a positive one, as it's more therapeutic to vent than it is to emote. I don't know. But like you, I feel my adoption changed my life for the better. My adoptive family was also always open and honest about the fact that I was adopted. And also like you, my birth mother was young - only 16. Not mature enough to raise a baby and with her whole life ahead of her, she made the most selfless, and what must have been absolutely the most excruciating decision of her young life. She gave me away. To a family who was DYING to have me. To a family who was capable of raising a baby and providing a comfortable life, plenty of love, a good education. To MY FAMILY - the only family I have. Yes, I have genetic links to someone out there, and maybe some day I'll meet them, but mostly out of curiosity - not because I don't feel "whole" or "natural". And definitely not because I don't feel loved. If ever I do meet my birth mom, the first think I'll say to her is "thank you" for the life she gave me. For in giving me away, she gave me a way to a better life.
CGPotter
This really is my first time on this forum so I hope I put this in the right area. My name is Gayle, and I'm 29 years old. So here is my story. I was adopted when I was 2 years old, while I never knew my bparents, my mom and dad never kept the fact that I was adopted from me. My mom is a Christian women and has always viewed my adoption as "God giving me to her" We live in a small town, where most everyone knows everyone else, she says someone brought me to church and she told my dad that "I look like I belong in their family" My bparents at the time were young, and struggling through life like a lot of people. My bfather was in prison at the time. His brother actually worked at the restaurant that my adoptive parents owned and operated. They would often send milk and things home to my bparents for me since they lived nexted door to the restaurant. There is still a lot of the story that I don't know and I remember nothing of my bparents. But I always felt positive about my being adopted. Most people if they looked at me had no idea since I look just like my adoptive parents. It's strange though I've always felt for some reason or another that my bmom had dark hair, it's silly I know but thats just something that has stuck with me over my life. I also never felt any anger or abandonment issues that I know a number of adoptee's do. After all I mean I had a wonderful life. I never really needed anything and while I knew I was adopted mom and dad were Mom and Dad. If anything I felt thankful to my birthmom especially. I don't have children, but I know I can't even begin to imagine how incrediably hard it must have been to carry me for 9 months and then have to decide to give me up after keeping me for 2 years. I always wanted to Thank Her. Like I said growing up I never had a problem, heck I didn't even really ask many questions about it. But when I got older there were a few issues that I had to work out with. My mom kept some information from me, I was angry about it for a while but since then we've worked it out. She only did what she thought was right. But what happened was after years of being open with me suddenly information was kept from me and that was just something I didn't understand. My birth aunt and uncle wanted to get in touch with me ( I was a senior in high school) so I could meet with my cosians and stuff. I didn't find out until two years later. Then there were a few other oddities, I began asking around our small town with people that I know knew things about my birth parents but I swear it was like the Trumen show people would get shifty eyed and tell me "I don't know if I should be telling you this" I was an adult at the time so again I just didn't understand it. Just before my 27th birthday I had a breakthrough, someone who had known them told me my birth moms name! I knew a little bit at that point about my birth father but next to nothing about my birth mom. I had all but given up, and lost hope to ever find anything out about them. Then just after my 27th birthday I recieved a message on Facebook of all places. The message was from a guy who was dating my birthmom. My whole world was turned upside down. For a long while I felt like two separate people. I didn't know what was up or down. Also at that point all of my blood relatives (and there are a lot of em lol) who have been waiting to meet me pretty much came out of the wood work. It was all very overwhelming but I wanted to meet all of them and actually get to know them and have them a part of my life. I've sent a few E-mails to my bmom and I try to keep in touch with Facebook but I just can't get up the nerve to call and talk her her yet. My birthdad is in jail and I keep in regular contact with him via letters. I'm 29 now, I feel bad that after two years I don't talk as much as I would like to with my blood relatives. I have two younger brothers that I've been trying to get into contact with. I imagine they...or at least one of them I don't think the other knows...are about as overwhelmed as I was. Whats crazy is even though I have no memory of my birth parents I've noticed when I talk with my bdad that, certian things he says or ways that he thinks are familier to me. Another thing that is weird is that I look just like them too! I'm glad that all this happened no matter how crazy it gets or hard I finally feel like a whole complete person. While I had a wonderful life there was always little things that bothered me, not knowing, made me feel like half, or an incomplete person. I don't know if my story will inspire anyone, or help anyone. But it's all I have. For me being adopted was one of the best things that could have happened to me. I'm still trying to understand the guilt issues that my birthparents go through, and mainly I guess thats why I'm on this forum. But if my story can help anyone then that makes me happy.
I agree wholeheartedly with your title - for the better. I'm new here, too, and am shocked and saddened to see that so many have had such bad experiences with their adoptive families and the process. Maybe I've been so blessed by my experience that it's allowed me to have my head in the sand. Maybe it's just that people are more likely to share a negative experience than a positive one, as it's more therapeutic to vent than it is to emote. I don't know.
beatricesmith
Many on here have actually had good experiences with their adoptive familie but wouldn't necessarily say that their life was "for the better" per se. In my case, I can't really say that with good conscience, NOT because "a bad experence with aparents" - in fact I had wonderful aparents - but because I also have an awesome bfamily :). So to me, my life was "different" rather than necessarily "better". So I just wanted to point out that sometimes it is the high quality of the bfamily that can make an adoptee be reluctant to say adoption was "better", rather than because they had a bad afamily.