Please Help.

I am sorry you are going through finding this out. Although it is not your fault yo were not aware, the adoption would not have happened without your rights being terminated. If a father is not known or not identified, there is a process (different in different states) for terminating a fathers rights. This may include advertising in newspapers, other attempts to publish the court proceedings, or a putative fathers registry, which is used in several states. That would have been done by the agency before the adoption was finalized, so the adoption would be valid. Since your rights wold have been terminated in court, you wold not have any standing to find out information. What I wold suggest is that, if you know or can find out the agency or lawyer the mother went through, you can contact them and tell them that yo are the birth father and that yo want to give your information so that the adoptive parents (and your daughter, when she is old enough) can contact you. The adoptive parents may or may not be open to contact, but yo will have done what you can.

My ex-girlfriend told me that night that she lied and told them she didn't know who the father was, yet she did. If that can be proven, it seems to me that alone would invalidate the adoption. And I've heard about cases like this before where adoptions were invalidated and biological fathers were given custody. There must be some legal mechanism to accomplish this. There must be. It's simply too incredibly unfair and, I think, unconstitutional to stand.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You're right, if it's true, it's not right, it's not fair and it shouldn't happen this way. But it does, way too often.Ok, first off - you need to know which state she delivered in and when.The first step would be to confirm that a pregnancy and delivery did occur. Then you need to remind yourself that she was drunk and angry and she might have lied. Even if this happened, it still doesn't mean it's yours. Women have lied before. You might not have been the only one night stand during that time period.Next, you need to do some research into the bfather's laws of the state she delivered in. Often the laws aren't favorable to fathers and if they followed the law to the letter, it's likely you won't have any recourse. But finding out what the laws for that state are, is a good first step. It's unlikely you'll be able to prove in court that she lied about knowing who the bfather is. She could easily state that she had slept with several men at that time and didn't know which one was actually the father.Next you would have to be able to find the child and adoptive family. This will be difficult if the bmom isn't going to assist you in the process. If you were able to find them, you'd need a paternity test to confirm that you are the biological father.Let's stop there for a minute. Right now you are only thinking of you and what you've lost. Now I need you to stop and think about this child. As you estimate, she's 8 or 9. It may not be the right time to enter her life. It could be really traumatic for her depending on what she's been told about being adopted. Does the bmom have any relationship or receive updates from the family? If not, they are unlikely to be open to having that with you, although it's possible.And that's why Ruth's suggestion is really the best one. I'd ask bmom which agency she used. And I'd let the agency know that you believe you are the bfather, that you didn't know about the birth, that you don't want to disrupt the adoption, but you're open to contact from the adoptive family and child. Then honestly, you would have to just accept whatever contact they wanted to give you. I know that's not fair. It's very difficult to overturn an adoption that is finalized. Most of the bfathers we hear about are not successful. Did you follow the baby Veronica case? There were improprieties in the case, the adoption wasn't final when it was contested, he got custody for 2 years, and then finally lost it to the adoptive parents. It shouldn't have happened but it did. The laws are not set up to protect or support you. I say that as a statement of fact, not to be mean. Unfortunately, the best you can do is to reach out to the agency and wait.

The birth mother isn't going to tell me anything. She's not mentally stable, and hasn't been since she was 17 and had an abortion. Yeah, that's the part I left out. That's why we broke up. She aborted our child, lied to me about it, made me think everything was going well until I realized that it was too far along in the pregnancy for there to be no changes to her appearance or mood. And every time she had an OB appointment, for some reason I couldn't go. She never really explained why. Once I pressed her she admitted to the abortion. She hasn't been the same girl since. She's a drunk now days, a college drop out, and completely unstable. So, yes, I have considered that she may have lied just to hurt me. But how can I be sure if I don't investigate? I appreciate the information. We live in Michigan so I don't know what sort of laws are on the books regarding adoptions, but the city we live in isn't terribly huge so adoption agencies are few and far between.

Wow. Awful and honestly so many what if's that it would be hard to know where to begin. I'll give you some background. My own sibling (step) but sibling none the less did the same thing to a guy (no actual child born) she is just mentally not right and has unfortunately done this to several guys. We've warned them when possible (when we know about them) but she does this and it may have been what happened to you; maybe not. Apparently having an abortion broke her. She wasn't able to process it and this "adopted baby" may have been just something to hurt you. It may not have; wrong very wrong but either way it's reality. As others posted your rights had to be terminated in order for this child to be adopted and even if you were lied to in a "best interest hearing" you would more than likely not win custody in this situation; with the child being 8 or 9. So honestly this child may not even exist, if she does the chances of you gaining custody are not likely and at some point I imagine you will have a 20 something on your facebook page asking why. Without your ex's help chances are you would not be able to locate this perhaps child. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't try to locate her. That's entirely up to you. I think you'll have more luck with a PI if you're wanting to have some actual success in this endeavor but I'd go in to it with a plan. Knowing in advance that getting custody is probably not an option and "relationship" is at the adoptive parents discretion. So just be prepared for all the scenarios and be ready to be whatever this child if it exists needs. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sorry your ex is being just nasty and using the possibility of a child as a weapon. Not nice either way. Best of luck with this and I hope you get some clarity either way.