Advertisements
Advertisements
I've posted before, but I need help - this is becoming worse. Sorry, this will probably be very long...
My DD, now age 7, was adopted from Guatemala at 13 months of age and we believe she was neglected at the orphanage. She didn't know how to suck out of a bottle, she didn't make eye contact, she couldn't sit up or hold her own head up. After being with us for just a couple days, she was eating, playing, sitting up...huge improvements. After a few days, we went back to the orphanage to visit and she would not go to her nanny who took care of her for over a year. She screamed and wanted my husband.
My DD has cerebral palsy, developmental delays, learning disabilities, & visual problems. She may have some mild cognitive issues. She is extremely healthy, a great sleeper & eater, she has an excellent memory and is articulate. She receives PT, OT, speech at school & hippotherapy out of school.
As an infant, she cried a lot. She started having extreme tantrums with hitting, biting, pinching, screaming, threatening. She becomes easily upset and frustrated over every little thing. The things she becomes upset over are so trivial that we usually don't know what sets her off. During the tantrums she says that she will stop the behavior only if we meet her demands. It's becoming very disruptive to my family. My older daughter doesn't want to be around her sister.
I have been to a therapist and psychologist and they were not helpful. The therapist thought DD might have PTSD. She did not feel that DD had any attachment issues because she thought my DD was certainly bonded to me. The psychologist thought DD has some sort of attachment issue and is unable to self soothe. I don't think either of them believed me. My daughter acts like an angel with a halo outside of our home.
We live in a rural area, so it's hard to find a therapist. And the thought of starting over with another therapist that will lead to a dead end does not appeal to me. I feel strongly that there is something in her brain that is not quite right. Is there a way to find out what is wrong with her? Is it due to the CP? Is this an attachment disorder?
Like
Share
kerry lynn
She started having extreme tantrums with hitting, biting, pinching, screaming, threatening. She becomes easily upset and frustrated over every little thing.
Hey, how did you get my daughter, and if you have her, why do I still hear her screaming in the other room? Ours came from foster care, lost her birth mom at 4 months, shelter until 7 months, foster family who were really anxious to see her go until 2.5, then us. She does all this just like you say of yours and we also are concerned about the future.
We've been through attachment issues twice before and we are pretty sure we've got an attachment problem on our hands. You probably do too. If yours were normal she would have cried when the nanny handed her to you. The fact that she did not means she wasn't attached to the nanny and therefore won't attach easily to you. The fact that she didn't want to go back doesn't mean she already loved or trusted you. It just means she felt like she could con her needs out of you more easily than the nanny.
Ours is currently spending a lot of effort telling us how she doesn't like or love us. This may actually be a good thing because it means she is having thoughts about liking us pass through her mind. So far she is resisting those thoughts, but at least they are there. We usually respond "That's okay, I love you enough for both of us."
We're not currently in attachment therapy yet, but I expect we will be in the future. We're fortunate enough to have a good one only 30 minutes away, one who we have successfully worked with before.
The only advice I can give is to, as much as possible, don't punish for her wrongdoing, but rather prevent wrongdoing by keeping her close. Hold her to prevent yourself from being physically abused by her, and return verbal abuse with many statements of love.
Like
Share
Advertisements
If you can video tape her when she is doing the stuff. That is how we got people to listen to us about our son because he is always sweet and charming around everyone else.
Like
Share
I would not be surprised at all if she does have PTSD. EMDR has helped my daughter. You will need to find a therapist who specializes in trauma who can do this. The behaviors can inhibit attachment. I wish I would have tried this sooner with my dd, not that it solved all her problems, but it did noticeably help.
Like
Share
Update: at my daughter's IEP meeting in January, they did a full psych eval and the test showed she has ADHD. We got the Dx last week and started meds over the weekend. I noticed a difference right away - she seems calm and focused. She worked on a coloring project for hours. She became upset at the dinner table and instead of screaming and having a tantrum, she left the table and calmed down easily.
Her special ed teacher just called me. He went to her regular classroom to observe her and was astounded in the improvement in her written work. He is going to send samples home - one from Friday and one from today. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I hope this is going to help.
Like
Share
052001,
What a great update! Is it still going well now, a few weeks later? Sometimes medication can really work wonders and I wish people weren't so afraid to try it. So many people thinks it should be a last resort when in fact it may be essential for anything else to work.
Like
Share
Advertisements
Unfortunately, the tantrums have returned. Not sure what to do about it.
On a positive note, the meds are really helping at school - the teachers are impressed with her progress.
Like
Share
Is she on a stimulant ADHD med? There is some educated thought that stimulant ADHD meds increase aggression in kids prone to it or in kids with brain differences in addition to ADHD. I would definitely talk to whoever prescribed the meds and see if a change (or an additional med) might be in order.
Like
Share
Sometimes it can take a while to find the right medication, or combination of medications. Keep trying. Don't give up!
Like
Share
Best Mom Ever - yes, the meds are stimulants (Concerta). She has been on meds for 3 weeks. The tantrums have been going on for many years. Thank you for the info - I will mention this to her doctor at her next appt. in 3 weeks.
wordsmither - the 1st therapist we saw thought she might have PTSD, but didn't do anything to help us. The psychologist thought she had an attachment disorder, but again, did not help. Her tantrums were worse (extremely violent) while seeing the therapists.
Keelah - do you think I should consider a different medication?
Thank you everyone for your help - I am very grateful.
Like
Share
Advertisements
PS - to describe the "tantrums" - she acts possessed, screams, throws her body around, threatens our deaths, pulls my hair, scratches me, etc. When she finally calms down, she smiles and tells me she loves me like nothing ever happened. We walk on eggshells at all times. :-(
Like
Share
I want to second EMDR. B, now 12, has PTSD. He had multiple placements and one was nurturing. He had tantrums; tried leaving school; was aggressive, both verbally and physically. He goes twice a month and it's been a little over a year and the change is astounding. Hes also on meds: now he's on intuniv but he was on a stimulant.
Like
Share
She sounds very fearful. When she is calm, ask her what she is afraid of in those moments when she tantrums. Her PTSD could be mild and the hypervigilence presents like ADHD. But if the meds work...than maybe not?
It sounds silly, but have you tried essential oils, Binaural Beats or Chakra Binaural balancing? (available as free apps for a phone) Sometimes one thing isn't the answer but rather a whole comprehensive approach from many angles.
Like
Share
She sounds very fearful. When she is calm, ask her what she is afraid of in those moments when she tantrums. Her PTSD could be mild and the hypervigilence presents like ADHD. But if the meds work...than maybe not?
It sounds silly, but have you tried essential oils, Binaural Beats or Chakra Binaural balancing? (available as free apps for a phone) Sometimes one thing isn't the answer but rather a whole comprehensive approach from many angles.
Like
Share
Advertisements
kerry lynn
PS - to describe the "tantrums" - she acts possessed, screams, throws her body around, threatens our deaths, pulls my hair, scratches me, etc. When she finally calms down, she smiles and tells me she loves me like nothing ever happened. We walk on eggshells at all times. :-(
Attachment problem. She is trying to maintain control of her environment because she does not trust that you can keep her safe. The tantrums can be either a means to control you and your reactions (you walk on eggshells all the time) or a build up of all the stress caused by her feeling like she needs to be in control at all times.
Also, I'd be super careful about a ADHD diagnoses. I've found, through my many successful years working with RAD kids, that many RAD kiddos are hypervigilant and have a very hard time turning off their brains. They need to constantly be doing, watching, playing, moving, talking, eating, jumping, etc. Stopping to read, rest, or sit quietly causes them to think about unpleasant memories or feel unpleasant sensations (ie, the feeling of not feeling safe or loved) They don't like the way they feel when they stop to rest, so they have trained themselves to go go go go go go go.
I'm not saying ADHD doesn't exist - I just know it exists a lot less than people think.
Like
Share