Did you overcome the fear of intamacy?

I am really familiar with this and the "attachment problems" stuff in the other thread in this section.There is a book called Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller and Aline LaPierre that someone tipped me off to and which you might find interesting on this topic. I don't believe the really speculative claims made in the book about things the authors think can happen early in utero, but there are only a few of these. Otherwise I think it has some pretty interesting ideas and suggestions.As far as a direct answer to your question of "did I overcome...?" Yes and no. Yes to the extent that after a period of something like a decade of being alone, I've dealt with things enough to be in a relationship now which has lasted more than 2 years. No in that the anxiety and underlying problems have not gone away. They still come up and I still need to deal with them.P.S. Regarding your mentor and some cautious thoughts about sexual activity... don't jump into a relationship or sexual situation just because you think or have been told that you "should" "just get over" something involving this. I rather question why a mentor is asking you about your sexual activity in the first place. There is nothing wrong with taking your time getting to know someone you're interested in so you can be better reassured that the relationship with them is right for you.

It is a very difficult process but I have definitely made a lot of progress over the last few months. I met a guy who was really comfortable with being open with me and while I was pretty much freaking out the whole time lol, I kept my feelings about it to myself and I worked through them. I could have constantly asked him "are u sure you really like me??" But I realized doing that is one of the things I've always done that pushes people away. He knows I was adopted so I do think it helped with him overlooking my anxious personality at times and he has been supportive in helping me to stop being so anxious and he constantly encourages me to be more open with him. It is very difficult to not push people away who try to get close, but I realized that if I really care about people, I will try to work through my issues so that I can keep these people in my life instead of pushing them away, because of my own fears.Things that helped me:The book: "Reinventing your life" - by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko - Specifically the chapter called the "defectiveness lifetrap." --- This book definitely changed my life and its really cheap on amazon!!The book: "Adoption Healing: A Path to Recovery" by Joe SallLearning to realize that I needed to separate my feelings with someone I was dating from my issues that I felt about being adopted. (I seemed to be re-enacting the situation of being adopted in hopes that my current partner could "fix me." Once I realized that it wouldn't help, it was easier to stop those feelings in relationships)Writing about how I felt --- this is HUGE because I was able to realize when my thoughts and feelings were irrational (based on my adoption fears) and I was able to realize that my thoughts (e.g. my boyfriend doesn't really care about me) weren't Real, they just felt real. The more your write and the more you get in touch with you feel, the easier it gets.Talking to a therapist -- I have a background in psychology which was a huge help. The therapist helped but I had a good idea of what I needed to do, it was just hard to do it. You could also try self-help books that explain the idea of irrational thoughts, cognitive behavioral therapy and positive thinking.Trying to get over being perfectBecoming a more spiritual person- E.g. meditation, chakras, Zen, Yoga, positive thinking, buddhism, etc. I basically just did my own research online and started following these types of pages on facebook.Exercise - it's a huge help with anxiety and feelings of sadnessLetting other people help me. - Reaching out to friends and my partner has been a huge help. I felt that people wouldn't understand how I felt about being adopted or they would think that I was stupid for feeling the way I did. But no one said that to me and people (trustworthy people) were really helpful and supportive.