not going well

I'm so sorry. I don't have any profound advice for you. Unfortunately, like all other relationships, both parties have to want to connect with one another.I guess I would find out from her what communication she would be okay with receiving from you. Try to keep the lines of communication open. If you communicate with her beyond the limits of what she wants, you may just push her further away.

What kind of contact did you have 3 years ago? Have you met face-to-face? Or did you speak on the phone? Did you have a closed adoption, or was there some contact with your daughter or her parents throughout her life? I had a semi-open adoption with my son and got updates through the agency. He expressed an interest in opening things up in 2007, but we did not actually start communicating directly until April of 2010, and from there, we emailed until November of that year when we spoke on the phone the first time, and from that time, things took on more momentum, but still, he lives 3 hour plane ride away, and we didn't meet face to face until April 2011. Since then, we talk about once a month, and he visited me this past summer for a few days. Reunion is often a slow process, and perhaps mine was one of the slower ones, but I believe it is better to go slower than to try and push things too much/too soon. Your daughter probably needs time to process the emotions that have come up for her. I would try to keep the door open in some way that is not too pushy. Maybe drop her an email every few months or so to let her know you are thinking of her, but keep it light and positive. I always avoided trying to pin my son down with "what do you want" or "where is this going" type of conversations. I tried more to let it evolve organically. Also, how old is your daughter? Younger people are typically out living their lives, especially if they are in their 20s and even 30s, and may also be trying to still separate and differentiate from their adoptive parents, so I often thought with my son, the last thing he needed was another mom on the scene! I say be patient and give it time, but keep the door open with her and keep expectations out of it as much as you can.

I suggest that you just give her time. She is probably just shocked and has a lot of mixed feelings. She could also be going through a lot. Just let her know that you are there for her and if she needs help she can talk to you at any time. Don't push it too much because that could push her away. I think that she is happy that you found her, but I think she is just nervous as to what might happen. I hope that this helps.

Ouch. I'm sorry.I'm not sure that I have much advice to give - every person reacts in his/her own unique way to adoption issues, so there's no way for me to say with any confidence, "oh, she must be feeling X or going through Y..." I can guess, but a guess that's just as likely to be wrong as right doesn't seem too helpful in this case.I'm an adoptee, and over the years, it's been clear that my sister (also adopted, not biologically related to me) and I have had vastly different feelings about adoption and search and reunion. I searched for my birth family; my sister has not - and has reacted pretty awfully to my search.All I can say, like others have said above, is that pushing for more contact can push her away... but keeping the lines of communication open and letting her come to you if/when she's ready is probably your best bet.I hope that does happen, for your sake and hers.I wish you luck.

we have met face to face, I could not wait to see her, hold her hug and I cried. My husband was there to watch our reunion and I told him later that I didn't feel the love back she was like a wet noodle to hug and there were no tears. This was not the way she talked when we chatted at all. she is in her later forties and I in my late sixties.she has a 12 yr old daughter I have been dying to meet, but she finds one excuse after another to avoid it.it was a closed adoption.she just lately gave me a couple blasts for not having pacients with her.I just said I'm not getting any younger and time goes by way to fast, now she said i put to much stress on her and to leave her be!! how should I handle it now i she won't speak to me or answer my emails??? thank you for any help and advice!

She might have been overwhelmed. Give it some time. It's pretty normal to be hesitant to bond and she is likely protective of her daughter. If she isn't sure about the relationship it's likely she won't include her daughter until she is ready to engage.