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[FONT="Arial Black"]For over a year now I have had the privilege of fostering 3 children. Ages 1, 3 and 4. The 3 children are very good and I love and care for them very deeply. All 3 may be adoptable very soon. 3 weeks ago I received a 6 year old little girl. A very sweet little girl whose mom abused her and kicked her out of the house on a 20 degree cold night.
Over the past 3 weeks she would be very mean to the 3 other younger children. If they do no give her what she wants, she will hit scream and punch and scratch them to get what she wants. Now I understand that this is a result as to how she was raised, however, I am not sure I want to put the 3 younger ones through her unkindness and mean behavior and I am also fearful that they will pick up on the bad behavior and begin to act out themselves as they are very impressionable. I love the 6 year old little girl and want to work with her to help change her behavior however, I don't want one bad apple to spoil it for the rest of the children. In addition, it creates much stress in the home because I have to keep my eye on her at all times, and she is the oldest. I am just not quite sure if I should have her moved to another home or not. Any advise on this situation would be very grateful. [/FONT]
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Having a kid moved to another home is a difficult one, a lose-lose sort of situation. Except if it is in the best interest of everyone then it is a win for the other kids, a win for the kid who is placed in a home suited for them and a win/lose for the FP who has to deal with the guilt of "moving a kid yet again".
I would have a talk with the CW about this, see what they think. There may be other options before requesting this kid be moved.
"Divide and conquer" Are there jobs you can give the girl to keep her occupied away from the kids, by your side? Are there activities she can do in a separate area while still in your line of site?
I sometimes give one of my kids an activity at the dinning room table "just for them" because they can't behave well enough to play with the others.
Today our 4 yo was being ornery, so he got to help set the table. this meant clearing it all off, picking up the toys from the dinning room, wiping off the table, setting each utensil out - forks first, then knives, sitting out plates, sitting out cups, sitting out serving utensils and hot pads. If I had needed even more time I would have added condiments even if we didn't need them and napkins that I would ask him to have folded. by doing each step one at a time, he was kept away from his brother and mischief for about 10 minutes. These were jobs he could do with very little imput from me. After they were done he was calmer and able to go back and play. When I heard the first whines of misbehavior, I found a new job for him to come do.
However, if you are finding it too hard or too much stress, then don't feel guilty about asking for a new home to be looked for. There may be a place without younger kids, maybe one with older kids who can be good examples. Our FKs sib is in a place with lots of older examples to follow. This sib is thriving in a way that would not have happened here where the sib would have been the oldest.
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